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I lost a child 23 years ago at Dunblane. AMA

288 replies

dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 08:36

I have used this username a few times over the years but am a long time MN user.

I will answer any questions you have - apart from who my child was. I need a little privacy.

I am not doing this to whip up sympathy, i have made my peace with it. It is just in my mind today obviously and i know people i meet often have questions but feel embarrassed about asking. Ask away.

OP posts:
GetStrongKeepFighting · 13/03/2019 12:31

I am another who remembers the day clearly I was a nanny but not at work that day. I had not long been with my husband. I remember feeling so relieved the little boy I nannied for wasn't at school yet as too young and the guilt I've felt ever since for feeling that way. I went on to nanny for him until just before he started school and for at least two other children who were at school plus my own three. It changed everything for me and recently we had the threats of boys from anothèr school coming to my children school with a machete so a reminder that some schools aren't safe

I'm so sorry. I hope it's a comfort that strangers who weren't involved have never forgotten and still remember your child.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 13/03/2019 12:33

I'm so sorry OP and I'm glad you've been able to make your peace.

Dunblane happened on my 21st birthday and I can remember the sheer horror of what had happened and also the guilt that I was celebrating.

dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 12:36

My question is how did you first hear something had happened at the school? Did you know children had been killed or did you not know the nature of the incident until later on? ( apologies if you have already answered this, pls ignore if so)

I worked nearby and someone else who worked where i did had been called to say there was an incident at the school. They came and told me. I left work and went to the school and a crowd was gathering. I met someone i knew who told me to go and tell a policeman what class DD was in and when i did i was taken to a house nearby where all the parents of that class were being taken. No-one knew anything for a very long time. This was the days before mobiles and internet so we got no information at all.

OP posts:
GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 13/03/2019 12:36

No questions but just to say I am another Scot who has never forgotten your child and the others that day, and Gwen of course.

The change in the gun laws is a lasting legacy, and will undoubtedly have saved lives.

Much love to you and yours x

dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 12:36

Happy birthday PinkSparklyPussyCat!!

OP posts:
dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 12:38

Having spent the morning drinking coffee, eating Maltesers and answering your questions i must go out now. I will be out all afternoon but will look at the thread around tea time and answer any further questions. Have a good afternoon everyone and thanks for all your kind words.

OP posts:
GetStrongKeepFighting · 13/03/2019 12:43

I have gone back to read all the posts after posting mine and the things that posters or their relatives have done in remembrance of the lost children and their teacher has me in tears. So touching.

Atalune · 13/03/2019 12:46

I went to uni in Stirling. I was walking to the library when I heard about it. It was lunch time. My lecturers child was murdered. We were all sent home that day and I went back to my parents house.

It was so so awful.

My favourite lecturer was part of the trauma team who went to the site and worked with the community. Do you remember her-Mary Magaa?

Crabbyandproudofit · 13/03/2019 12:47

Thank you for this, your courage and resilience are a great example of how to not let one person's wickedness define your life. I don't imagine this has been easy.

Do you think that being involved in the gun-control campaign helped you and would you have been involved if not directly affected?

Also, did you move away because of what happened to your daughter? How do you feel that this is what Dunblane is now known for, despite Andy Murray? ( I suppose I mean are you glad that people have not forgotten your daughter, her classmates and teacher, or would you like to be able to say you used to live in Dunblane without getting this response?)

RomanyQueen1 · 13/03/2019 12:50

I'm so sorry for your loss, I too remember it as if yesterday.
I have a son around the same age and I will never forget the horror of hearing it on tv and them not saying at first where it was.
There were reports of parents running up to their child's school to see if it was there.
I think we owe a lot for the changes in security at schools, and due to the poor children who lost their lives, our children are safer as people can't just wander in schools anymore.
I am glad that you have come to peace and can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like for you. Thanks

AnOwlCalledPlop · 13/03/2019 12:59

I have a four year old who is due to start school in August (we are up Dundee-way) and honestly I am full of admiration for you. I don’t know how you keep putting one foot in front of the other. You are strong.

I will never forget what happened. I was in P5 at the time (in Glasgow) and I remember the teacher telling us what had happened. I remember my mum crying at the news.


WaxOnFeckOff · 13/03/2019 13:04

I live in the area OP though didn't at the time. At the time I was just a couple of weeks away from my wedding. I was at work when I heard from a colleague who's DP was in the police. I've heard since about the rush of people running from the offices to their cars to get back to Dunblane and that's what I think about about alongside those who were sadly closely impacted. It affected many many people and I'm glad you've found an element of peace about it now.

People remember and are touched on this day and many more remembering the innocents. There have been many people today with snowdrops and candles on their FB. I know this doesn't achieve anything, but we remember and that's really all most of us can do. Flowers

dancinfeet · 13/03/2019 13:14

Just to say that I'm thinking of you, and all the other parents OP, and the family of the teacher. Flowers I was a teenager at the time, and I remember it all very clearly. You are very brave to answer all the questions so honestly xx

Shufflebumnessie · 13/03/2019 13:18

I don't have anything to ask but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you suffered such a horrific and heartbreaking loss Flowers

Theromanempire · 13/03/2019 13:23

I am so sorry for your loss, i cannot imagine what you went through Flowers

I hope you don't mind this question...Does seeing the Murray family (any or all of them) on television/in the media bring it back to you every time? I can imagine it must be a reminder every single time they pop up but maybe I'm wrong?

JustBloodyCold · 13/03/2019 13:30

Thank you so much OP. Your insights have been heartfelt and amazing.

Trooperslaneagain · 13/03/2019 13:37

Now words. I watched this as an early 20ish year old and my jaw was on the floor

Now as the mother of a small person I commend you for your strength. I know you probably don’t think you’re strong or brave but I am so sorry you all had to go through this.

It’s unforgivable and totally chilling. Flowers

Trooperslaneagain · 13/03/2019 13:40

Jesus that wait for news must have been pure torture. I’m so happy you’ve found peace 🥰

OrangeJuiceandArmchairs · 13/03/2019 13:41

Gosh I just came across this is active convos and seeing the title just sent a chill. I am going to rtft but I just wanted to know we'll never forget all of you Thanks

ADayAlwaysHasToEnd · 13/03/2019 13:45

I am the same age as your daughter would be now. My mum told me about the day she heard it. I think it resonated with her so much because of my age. I'm glad to hear you managed to move on with your life. It seems odd but I'm glad you didn't give the vile person any headspace that space has been reserved to remembering your daughter. I have a young child now and i thank you for being one of the people who petitioned was better gun control. You helped make all the other babies safer

OrangeJuiceandArmchairs · 13/03/2019 13:45

Also - I heard Judy Murray discuss this on Desert Island Discs. I found it incredibly moving and she spoke so sensitively about it.

ajandjjmum · 13/03/2019 13:51

I hope that today is peaceful for you dunblanemum, and that it gives you some small comfort that all of us here remember your DD and her friends.

I had two small children at the time - will never forget.

SadieContrary · 13/03/2019 13:57

No question but fellow Scot here wanting to tell you how heartfelt sorry I am for your loss. Your child, and the others, have never been forgotten.
Sending you much love and light

WaxOnFeckOff · 13/03/2019 13:59

I've read before (and agree) that the wisdom is that the name of the perpetrator is not highlighted or spoken about as what learning from who he was and why have been taken and he is simply not worth anyone's head-space or column inches. I think that's a good way to look at it. None of that is important anymore. The focus quite rightly is on the families and the survivors and their future and the memories of those who were taken.

flitwit99 · 13/03/2019 14:00

I remember all your children every year. I will light a candle as always. I knew Gwen Mayor's daughter although I had never met Mrs Mayor herself.

When reading more about what had happened that day I am shocked by how long it took for you all to find out what had happened to your children. I understand all the reasons and the need to be absolutely sure to give the right information to the right families but it just sounds so awful.

Is it really thoughtless to ask what you did to stay calm during that time? Did there come a point where you all felt that the news must be bad if you hadn't been reunited with your child after all that time? You don't have to answer.

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