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AMA

I lost a child 23 years ago at Dunblane. AMA

288 replies

dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 08:36

I have used this username a few times over the years but am a long time MN user.

I will answer any questions you have - apart from who my child was. I need a little privacy.

I am not doing this to whip up sympathy, i have made my peace with it. It is just in my mind today obviously and i know people i meet often have questions but feel embarrassed about asking. Ask away.

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crosser62 · 13/03/2019 14:15

I too remember this as if it were yesterday.
I vividly remember the black feeling in the pit of my stomach as I watched the news and saw the footage of the parents gathering.
I also think about it often now.
In fact while waiting for my little one to come out of school it comes to me, along with that black feeling.
No questions, but just know that your child, those children are thought about far and wide, not forgotten and although it is with sadness, they are thought about and remebed in the faces and happy spirits of our own children.
Much love to you x

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Kennehora · 13/03/2019 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PickleFish · 13/03/2019 14:57

I am so sorry for your loss.

There have been a great many memorials, gardens, tributes, songs, roses, and so on created in memory of those who died. How do these make you feel? Are any of them a comfort to you , then or now? Do you go back to Dunblane to visit? Are there special places that you like to go to remember your daughter?

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soberfabulous · 13/03/2019 14:57

OP I'm so sorry for your loss.

I remember clearly where I was when dunblane happened as I was a cub reporter on a daily tabloid newspaper.

The way the news desk swung into action, the focus on getting some sort of exclusive. I was sent out onto the street to find groups of children who would light a candle in the cathedral for the children of dunblane.

As tabloid press go it wasn't too bad but the lack of empathy was pronounced. It was the story first and foremost. (No surprise there but I hadn't seen this in real life before.)

It made me realize I didn't have the stomach for journalism and I changed career paths immediately afterwards.

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Toddlerteaplease · 13/03/2019 15:01

Never forgotten it. Seems like only yesterday.

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FrozenMargarita17 · 13/03/2019 15:32

Goodness OP I would have been 8 or 9 at the time and I don't remember much at all. I am so sorry for your loss.

Would you like to tell us more about your daughter? Not a problem if you don't x

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theladylovescupcakes · 13/03/2019 15:42

I remember this day, such a needless tragedy. Thinking of you and your daughter today OP and the other wee kiddies taken from their families x

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dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 17:14

I am back now. I will answer the other questions if you are still interested.

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dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 17:15

My favourite lecturer was part of the trauma team who went to the site and worked with the community. Do you remember her-Mary Magaa?

The name doesn't ring a bell at all sorry.

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dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 17:16

I hope you don't mind this question...Does seeing the Murray family (any or all of them) on television/in the media bring it back to you every time? I can imagine it must be a reminder every single time they pop up but maybe I'm wrong?

No it is great seeing Andy and Jamie on TV doing Dunblane proud. No issues with that at all.

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dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 17:20

Is it really thoughtless to ask what you did to stay calm during that time? Did there come a point where you all felt that the news must be bad if you hadn't been reunited with your child after all that time? You don't have to answer.

It was a horrible period, waiting for hours with no news. People were called out of the room we were waiting in and we didn't know what sort of news they were being given. We now know they were the parents of injured children and they were being taken to the hospital. When we were eventually called out a police officer told us she was sorry but our daughter had been a victim. Even then i had to make her say she was dead for it to fully sink in, it was just so unbelievable.

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GabsAlot · 13/03/2019 17:23

hi op sorry for your loss that day

may i ask what you meant when u say the police were a shambles?

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dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 17:23

There have been a great many memorials, gardens, tributes, songs, roses, and so on created in memory of those who died. How do these make you feel? Are any of them a comfort to you , then or now? Do you go back to Dunblane to visit? Are there special places that you like to go to remember your daughter?

As a group we were able to be involved in most of these tributes and it was a great help to have things to focus on in the months after it happened. I don't mind them at all. However i rarely go and look at any of them, in fact i rarely go back to Dunblane. My memories of my DD are all within me, in my head and my heart. I carry a piece of her with me at all times. I don't need memorials for that.

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HaventGotAllDay · 13/03/2019 17:25

I've also seen you posting for many years OP and your dignity and serene strength is tangible almost.
I also have a lot of respect for how the Murrays have conducted themselves over the years as lesser people would have taken advantage of Dunblane to further their fame. I'm a teacher and when famous sportspeople like Andy Murray and his grumping come up, I tell my students, too young and too foreign to have heard about Dunblane about it.

You are an example to all of us, though from what little I've read from you over the years I know you'd be mortified to be thought of as such.

With much love

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dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 17:28

may i ask what you meant when u say the police were a shambles?

There was no organisation and no chain of command. No-one knew anything and no-one seemed able to provide us with any sort of information at all. We had families with small children waiting who needed nappies and food but nothing was forthcoming. It was terrible. I have to say though that the liaison officer we had assigned to us afterwards was magnificent. I cannot praise her enough.

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Shoveitupyourbum · 13/03/2019 17:32

No questions, but I am so sorry for your loss op

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Ginger1982 · 13/03/2019 17:42

So sorry OP. I was 13 and remember it like yesterday.

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AnyWalls · 13/03/2019 17:51

It's perfectly understandable that you wouldn't wish to pass the school or even be in Dunblane. I was the victim of a crime across two areas and I inwardly cringe at the mention of either place as it instantly puts me back into that place ifykwim, though I don't show it as I don't want people to know.

My question. What's next in your future? Any plans? Are you happy? I've read through the thread and I think it's brilliant that you and your DH stayed together. I would surely have lashed out and blamed mine in some way, in the absence of anything else to lash out at. I box though, and that leaves me peaceful afterwards. Do you do anything like that?

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Toddlerteaplease · 13/03/2019 17:51

@Happierwithouthim I also bought that CD and still have it somewhere. The lyrics are still
In my head. The stars with all the children's names and the teacher in the middle on the cover is so sad.

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MynameisJune · 13/03/2019 17:53

So sorry for your loss 💐

Is it easier when the press don’t make a big deal of the anniversary or harder? Does it feel like they’ve been forgotten? Or is better so you can just remember quietly in peace without a barrage of reminders.

I only ask because obviously due to Brexit I haven’t seen anything in the press about the anniversary being today.

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dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 18:00

My question. What's next in your future? Any plans? Are you happy? I've read through the thread and I think it's brilliant that you and your DH stayed together. I would surely have lashed out and blamed mine in some way, in the absence of anything else to lash out at. I box though, and that leaves me peaceful afterwards. Do you do anything like that?

I am very happy. Our life has changed a lot over time but i guess that is normal. I don't do anything in particular. I like walking my dog and contemplating life i guess. I also like drinking wine!

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dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 18:01

Is it easier when the press don’t make a big deal of the anniversary or harder? Does it feel like they’ve been forgotten? Or is better so you can just remember quietly in peace without a barrage of reminders.

I would rather they didn't remark on it in the press. They generally don't anymore.

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GabsAlot · 13/03/2019 18:44

thankyou for answering my question op

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DonDadaOnTheDownLow · 13/03/2019 18:51

Your strength is incredible and testament to that is your solid marriage.

I don't think any public event has ever affected me as much as that day and I've been in floods of tears since reading the title of the post this morning. It was my "Kennedy" moment - I was at university and in my mind I still see the parents running.

I live quite near Dunblane and last year there was an incident at a local school (rumour that someone was seen with a gun and asking what time the school was out). The police and school handled it with a "total lock-down" scenario... although us parents weren't told anything except an email an hour later saying there had been an incident but little information given. One of the teachers at this school was working at your daughter's school on the day in question. I think even all these years later those of us who live locally are on alert always and I am always overcome with sadness any time I go to Dunblane.

Much love to you.

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dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 19:05

I think i have answered all the questions now.

I am going to light a candle to my daughter and all the others who died that day and pour a glass of wine.

I will now change back to my normal user name.

Thank you all for your kind words. Have a nice evening everyone.

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