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I am a post-op transgender man - AMA

141 replies

iamthespark · 26/12/2018 23:08

Hello everyone!

Just as the title says, really. My name is Fabian. I am a post-operative transgender man - meaning I was assigned female at birth and affirmed my gender as male as I grew up, first on a societal level and then through surgery - who has some time to kill after the annual Christmas Mess. The life and times of transgender people seems to be a bit of a topic of conversation on MN (and in the world as a whole), so I thought it might be nice to shed some light on some questions, if I can.

Intentionally goady or deliberately insulting comments will be laughed at - there's honestly nothing I've not heard before, and my skin has grown very thick over the years - but for the most part, I truly will answer absolutely anything. I work on the assumption that all questions are genuine, however they might be worded, so I'll treat pretty much everything as such.

I hope everyone had a lovely holiday!

OP posts:
MoseShrute · 26/12/2018 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isadora2007 · 26/12/2018 23:11

If you felt your gender was first via society- does that not mean you are biologically female but feel more suited to male gender roles in our society rather than that you “are” a man?

BobbyBanana · 26/12/2018 23:12

What's so awful and /or limiting about being a woman that you don't want to be identified as one?
Can you not see a world where you can be female but feel inside however you want?

spreadingchestnuttree · 26/12/2018 23:14

Do you think you could have come to terms with feeling male within a female body without having surgery? Eg if surgery wasn't available or an option at all?

WeShouldOpenABar · 26/12/2018 23:14

Why not choose an average male name if you truly want to fit in as male, is fabian not a ridiculous name for a mills and boon character

Urbanbeetler · 26/12/2018 23:14

Was the bottom surgery successful? It looks particularly complex for f to m, more so than m to f. I hope you are in a happy place, right for you.

Didyeeaye · 26/12/2018 23:15

Well done for posting. That's really good (and brave) of you.
My question is...What's your opinion on giving blockers to children given your lived experience?

yawning801 · 26/12/2018 23:24

Do you think that being transgender is seen as more of a "trend" among young people? And if so, is it clouding the general perception of transgender people IYSWIM?

NicoAndTheNiners · 26/12/2018 23:26

Why did you feel you had to become a man rather than gender non conforming female?

What does it mean when trans people say they feel like the opposite sex? How can they know what the opposite sex feels like?

EmmaGrundyForPM · 26/12/2018 23:29

Do you believe you are a man?
How has surgery affirmed that belief?

Hyppolyta · 26/12/2018 23:31

Can I ask why you imagine you were "assigned" female? Was your sex not just noted, as standard?

Secondly, do you use male spaces and if so, does if not bother you that you may make males feel uncomfortable?

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 26/12/2018 23:33

Are you sexually attracted to men or women?

Are you open with people you meet that you are a trans man?

WhoTookTheChristmasCookie · 26/12/2018 23:34

Interesting first post.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 26/12/2018 23:35

What does "assigned female" mean?

To "assign" means to designate or allocate which suggests that you think biological sex is chosen in some way by doctors/parents/whoever rather than simply being determined based on an observation of genitalia.

PolyKit · 26/12/2018 23:36

Do you think a gay man should be attracted to you? Would you think him a homophobe if he had no desire to have sex with any man who was born female?

PolyKit · 26/12/2018 23:36

Sorry transphobe. Not homophobe!

2019Mummy · 26/12/2018 23:37

Who assigned you a gender?

My children's sex was observed at birth by medical staff. I provided primary care of my children and I don't really follow gender norms, nor do they. My children wore gender non conforming and gender conforming clothing as children, they played with trains, cars, dolls and dressed up as pirates and fairies.

I met an old school acquaintance when my oldest child was a baby, they decided my child was the opposite sex because they weren't wearing a certain colour, is that the type of person you discuss assigning gender?

My children simply have a personality and make choices.

We have discussed the feeling thing. We all agree we think various things, we can feel emotions, we can feel with our senses. None of us feel like anything, what's that all about?

Avegemitesandwich · 26/12/2018 23:38

What do you mean 'assigned female at birth'? Do you mean that the doctors looked at your genitals and your sex was noted as female?

AdultHumanFemale · 26/12/2018 23:38

So many questions I want to ask you, thank you for posting. You don't say how old you are, do you mind sharing? I'm only asking as I wonder to what extent social media has played a part in supporting your decision to transition. My nephew is a young transguy, who has lived his life pretty much online for the last 6 years, finding a lot of encouragement from an online community of transmen.
I also wonder, and perhaps I'm not allowed to ask as it may violate MN guidelines, in which case don't answer, but do you believe that you have actually changed biological sex, or simply altered your physical appearance to better suit your gender expression?
Finally, are you arattracted to men or women? If you are attracted to men, how supportive (read willing to engage romantically and sexually) have you found gay men?
I'd better press 'post' now before someone else asks my questions and I appear to be a latecomer who hasn't RTFT.

SlightAggrandising · 26/12/2018 23:38

Do you want a family?

Ploverlover · 26/12/2018 23:39

Have you had any mental health problems diagnosed?

AdultHumanFemale · 26/12/2018 23:41

Ha ha, too late, everyone's here already.


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ColdCottage · 26/12/2018 23:42

What has been the best support you have received from your family, friends and community?

How can people make it easier for you (if you've had any problems)?

00100001 · 26/12/2018 23:45

What’s your favourite biscuit?

JaneJeffer · 26/12/2018 23:45

Why are you such a slow typist?

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