ShotsFired
Spark, what's your opinion on men who are claiming to have transitioned as late teens or adult males, competing in women's sports? What impact do you feel this will have on women trying to compete or even enter sports? e.g. Hannah Mouncey, Fallon Fox, Rachel McKinnon, Laurel Hubbard
(bearing in mind the overwhelming and blatantly obvious physiological differences and benefits they have grown up with, that are not negated by any hormones, even though many are not even taking any and have simply self-id'd their way to wins and records)
I think that's something that I take on a very case-by-case basis, personally. I leave the actual legislation to the professionals, but I think there are circumstances when a trans woman wants to compete in her chosen sport and should be allowed to, and I think there are circumstances when a person is taking advantage of something to claim a record. I do think there is an element of being able to tell which is which. However, it is a difficult situation where sports are involved - professional sportsmen often have their whole lives wrapped up in their chosen field, and if you suddenly come to terms with being transgender in the midst of that, I imagine it could be exceedingly hard to separate from a lifetime of dedication and practice. I wouldn't know - the only sport I do is couch-to-fridge relay - but it's an interesting thing to think about.
In terms of the question, though - I don't think a genuinely transgender woman should be blocked from competing amongst people of her own gender purely because she was noted as a male at birth, no. However, I do think we could do with some closer scrutiny in terms of gender identity within sports as a whole, and if it is a system that is being taken advantage of by people who perhaps are giving trans people an ill name.
NotAnotherJaffaCake
In response to not feeling like a woman, did you ever seriously question that maybe your or society's idea of what a woman should be/feel like was wrong, as opposed to seeing what is effectively self mutilation as a solution? How much did you explore the validity of feeling wrong before you transitioned?
Oh, I questioned it until I was blue in the face. I had therapy and counselling, not only by the GIC but by private psychiatrists and professionals, for years and years before I ever began a societal or medical transition. That therapy and counselling continued throughout the entire process, and I am still seen a couple of times a year today.
As mentioned, it's not a case of me thinking there's a particular way that woman should behave, or should feel like. I was brought up in such a way that I understood very young that men and women could act the same, dress the same, achieve the same things - there was no jealousy in terms of being told that I couldn't do something. I just knew I wasn't a woman.
ocelot41
I just wanted to pop on to thank the OP for such a candid, friendly and non-aggressive approach. Its educational, interesting and refreshing. As so many have said earlier, you seem really lovely.
Two questions from me: 1. Do you think it's quietly understood in the trans community that women have every reason to respond to self id by voicing their fear of male violence? I have often wondered if the goadier types who sometimes come on these boards are people who just 'shout the loudest' and aren't necessarily representative of the community as a whole. It doesn't seem that hard to 'get' to me - the stats on sexual violence are what they are, and so many women have personal experience of men who will claim anything to access vulnerable women and girls. 2. Given those concerns, what ways can I show kindness and respect which would be meaningful to transpeople - most of whom aren't trying to hurt anyone?
Yes. At least, it's understood by me and the people I socialise with. Trauma is an awful thing to live with, and I don't begrudge anyone who has fears or concerns over self-ID due to bitter experience. As you say, the stats on sexual violence are well-known.
However, at the same time, I've said before that self-ID would have been a godsend to me at a younger age, and I do support it's usage to an extent. It's also worth stating, for transparency's sake, that transgender women (and men, for that matter) are at a high risk of sexual violence themselves, and many, many trans women just want to get on with their lives quietly and anonymously, accepted as women. Self-ID would certainly help them achieve that, in a safe and secure way.
The thing that helped me most was acceptance and usage of my name and pronouns. Even if there are sensitive topics at hand and different opinions being lobbed about, using a trans person's chosen name and pronouns shows the person standing opposite you that you respect the decisions they've made about themselves, at least for that moment or that conversation. Your own internal opinions don't necessarily have to match up, but it is a very good way to show compassion to our voice.
Most of us aren't trying to hurt anyone, ever - the rate of violence in the trans community is no higher than it is in the general population. We're not your enemy. There is a small, select group who may use certain aspects of our community to cause harm, but there will always be people looking to cause harm to others - generally, those people will look for any method to do so, and unfortunately that occasionally includes gender identity.
SnuggyBuggy
Do you think your transition will get easier or more difficult with age?
A bit of both, I expect. Certain things will get easier, the further away I get from trauma - eventually, I will have lived the majority of my life as a man who looks like a man, and only a small chunk of it as female-presenting. That is a very soothing thought, to me. On the other hand, the downsides could be future complications due to surgery or hormones, or the difficulty of continue to self-administer those hormones - the future of the NHS plays a huge part in this, after all. But for the most part, I am extremely hopeful about the rest of my life, and very excited to live it.
ocelot41
Sorry, one more question: why won't more transpeople come forward to help negotiate a solution to fears about sexual violence/mixed sex spaces? And to counter the homophobia of the 'cotton ceiling' posse. We need you now.
Speaking personally, as someone who was campaigning for trans rights since the mid 1990s, as well as freedom from sexual and domestic violence, the lack of expressions of solidarity from the trans community feels like a massive betrayal. It really, really hurts.
Its like, I was there (with other LGB activists) for decades, fighting your corner, and now the time comes for a difficult negotiation which involves you respecting the need to safeguard women, and suddenly you're not only failing to stand shoulder to shoulder with me, I've miraculously become some kind of outcast - a neofascist "TERF". I cannot gloss over that with rainbow banners and glitter, I really can't.
It is a very sad situation. The general blueprint of the LGBT community seems to be crumbling from within, recently - as mentioned earlier, infighting runs rampant and it feels like we've lost that sense of solidarity that held us together.
I think a lot of the reluctance to use our voices comes from fear, honestly - the fear of being seen as something 'other', neither male or female. It is very painful, to not be considered as the person you know you are, and a lot of us are reluctant to take that pain. It is a difficult negotiation, and the reason a lot of us - including myself - do struggle with being excluded from same-sex spaces is because all we really want is to be considered as one of you. As said before, I truly don't know the answer. But I do hope a solution that helps everyone can eventually be reached - nobody deserves to live in fear.
madvixen
Iamthespark - firstly, thank you for your openness and honesty in answering these question. The Self ID debate has been so polarised that honest communications have been lost, your voice is appreciated.
Do you feel that the widening of the Stonewall umbrella and their viewpoint of "acceptance without exception" (even if that acceptance includes people like JW and KW) has harmed the trans community and led to the polarisation of debate?
I'm afraid I can't for the life of me think what JW and KW could be! However, to try and manage the question anyway. I think what has happened lies in the fact that we've broaded the umbrella, yes, but haven't broadened the debate itself. So you're quite right - it's very much a two-extremes thing at the moment, where you're either 'with us or against us!'. This sort of polarisation does nothing except stir up vitriol and bad feeling, and does very little towards building a better future. I will accept anyone, if they come to me with the urge to live happily and honestly as themselves - even if their experience does not match my own. The older generation of trans people - and I'm hardly one of the elders, but I'm older, at least - perhaps understand a little better how to create and manage an effective dialogue, one which contains a myriad of POVs rather than two very extreme ones. Unfortunately, our voices are not as loud today as they used to be, and I think the heart of the whole thing - seeking not just acceptance, but happiness - has been lost in the wave of 'us-vs-them'.