I am a post-op transgender man - AMA

[iamthespark]

Hello everyone!

Just as the title says, really. My name is Fabian. I am a post-operative transgender man - meaning I was assigned female at birth and affirmed my gender as male as I grew up, first on a societal level and then through surgery - who has some time to kill after the annual Christmas Mess. The life and times of transgender people seems to be a bit of a topic of conversation on MN (and in the world as a whole), so I thought it might be nice to shed some light on some questions, if I can.

Intentionally goady or deliberately insulting comments will be laughed at - there's honestly nothing I've not heard before, and my skin has grown very thick over the years - but for the most part, I truly will answer absolutely anything. I work on the assumption that all questions are genuine, however they might be worded, so I'll treat pretty much everything as such.

I hope everyone had a lovely holiday!

How do you feel you compare to other men? Do they seem to accept you as one of them? Do androphilic men and women seem to accept you as a man?

Do you believe that gender is a social construct?

It is clear from what you say that you are transsexual and suffer(ed?) From Gender Dysphoria.

May I ask please why you identify as transgender rather than transsexual - this puts you under the same umbrella as cross dressers and autogynephiles ?

Were all your family supportive?

Have you suffered transphobia?

Have you ventured into Feminism Chat on Mumsnet?

Can I ask why you imagine you were "assigned" female? Was your sex not just noted, as standard?

Assigned - perhaps somewhat surprisingly- seems to be the language used in NHS literature!

I don't get the assigned thing either. Most of the time it is what is

What is your opinion of transactivists who don’t seem to have gender dysphoria but instead use the trans rights in order to abuse, intimidate and attack women?

Genuine question, since I think that these activists have also maligned and abused trans people in this as well.

Once more unto the breach and so on! I'll be breaking replies up into a few chunks, purely so I don't bombard everyone with a spiel of nonsense and terrible formatting.

2019Mummy
You missed the feeling thing in my question.
My apologies! It’s possible I’m missing a few people by accident, I’ll have to go back through and make sure. I think it's a semantics thing, really - when I say I 'feel like' a man, what I'm actually saying (rather poorly, I'm afraid!) is that my internal and external perception of myself is that I am man. When I think back to my childhood, I am a little boy in my memories and thoughts. When I look at old photos, I see a male person. It's a hard thing, to quantify one's own identity, I think - I, and other trans people, tend to use the term 'feel like' because it's a phrase that people are familiar with. 'Oh, I feel like a model', 'I feel like a mess', so on and so forth - it's not necessarily tied up in feelings or emotions themselves. It's more perception-based than that, I think. Sorry if I'm getting long-winded and repeating myself - it's a struggle and a curse.

LEMtheoriginal
Thank-you for posting.
Do you think that there is a genetic element to your feeling towards your gender? I can't help but wonder if there will be, at some stage, certain genetic differences identified in trans-gender folk. So whilst you would be XY there would be up/down regulation of certain genes associated with gender.
Do you feel it is nature over nurture? So for instance - if you grew up with brothers so identified more with those. Or do you frel it is more hard-wired than that?
Also sorry for the TMI but how did they construct your penis and does it function as such?
I hope those q are ok
Personally, I believe there may well be some genetic element involved - exactly what that might be, I haven't the foggiest, but I'll leave that to the professional to prove or disprove!
I did grow up with one brother, but I feel it's deeper than that, yes. I don't think watching my brother interact with the world had any impact on my own identity - my parents were always very keen to treat us exactly the same and raised us as generally GNC in terms of clothes and toys, so there was no jealousy or rivalry going on (outside than of normal young siblings, at any rate) - I never looked at my brother and thought, 'I want to be treated how they treat you', because they never treated us differently. The only thing I was rabidly jealous of was when they'd call him 'he' and me 'she'.
I'll attempt to spare the gory details (of which there are many - it's a nightmare set of procedures), but in a nutshell - my procedure took a total of eight different surgeries. Some were done at the same time, others were not. In order to build the actual penis itself, a large skin graft was taken from my forearm, which was then constructed into a urethra and phallus. The constructed urethra was attached to my biological one, elongating it so that I can urinate from my penis. My clitoris was left intact, and is situated in the base of my penis. My labia majora were used to construct my scrotum, and an inflatable implant (christened the Ball Button by my oh-so-eloquent husband) was inserted into my left testicle - squeezing this implant gives me an erection. That's the very, very swift rundown of the whole thing, but the long and short of it is, yes, my penis is functional in all respects other than ejaculation. Sorry for the TMI!

Hyppolyta
I have another, apologise for spamming you with questions!
With regards to fertility, youve said it isnt an issue for you but most 20-30 year old females would be refused a hysterectomy, stupidly on the grounds they may change their mind.
Do you feel enough counselling/ help is available for people like you making these decisions about fertility?
Also, are any options such as egg freezing offered or suggested?
I know - the fact that so many young women who need or desire a hysterectomy are flatly refused one without discussion is outrageous. There is no good reason for it. There's no reason as to why my medical condition should be considered more seriously than theirs, and I feel deeply for any young woman who is refused that choice over her own body.
Yes, I personally felt very supported. I was seen by a London gender clinic, and for the most part they dealt with me wonderfully. They made it clear from the off that I had the option to freeze eggs if I wished, and also made it clear that the decisions I had made were irreversible for fertility. At the same time, they made it very clear that it was my choice, and that they trusted me and my knowledge of my own body enough to make that choice for myself. I've heard less inspiring things about clinics in the rest of the country, however. The hope is that more focus will be transferred to counselling and therapy, rather than the current tick-box approach of 'let's deal with this one as fast as possible and move on to the next'. Transitioning is a process that takes years. Rushing through it as quickly as possible is how regrets can begin to form.
I was offered egg-freezing at the very start of my transition, yes, but I denied it.

donquixotedelamancha
Hi spark. Two things strike me as very different between the way you speak about your experience and the way stonewall and a lot of the prominent TRAs describe transgenderism.
Firstly, you are very frank and open about your biological sex and the difficulty of trying to define 'feeling like a man/woman'. Some people very loudly argue that there is no such thing as male or female genitals and that sex is a spectrum or a social construct- that to even discuss issues around biological sex is transphobia.
Secondly you've clearly thought a lot about the process you went through, taken medical advice and been through counselling. The same people I mention argue that the act of saying 'I am a man/woman' is what makes someone transgender and that passing or making a meaningful transition is unnecessary.
(Coming to the point) I wondered what you thought about the debate in the last few years? Are you pleased with the prominence of these voices that purport to speak for transgender people? Do you understand why so many MNers have taken up against self ID or do you just see them as bigots?
I think to completely discard the idea of 'biological sex' is unwise. Whilst I do see my own body as male (and I considered it male even before my operations), one way or another, my body has different medical needs to that of a biological man. Before I had my ops, I still needed to take care of what I had to work with - my breasts, ovaries, so on and so forth, still needed to be monitored and kept healthy, and there's no real way to keep things medically safe without some connection to biological sex. What I do think would help is a less gendered approach in hospitals themselves. Before my operations, I remember many an awkward occasion sitting as a man in a waiting room surrounded by women, awaiting a breast or cervical screening - humiliating for me, and probably rather uncomfortable for them. Perhaps there is something that can be done on that front, to avoid difficult situations for everyone involved. Perhaps not. Time will tell, I expect.
As far as self-ID goes, it's a difficult question. Self-ID would have made my life drastically easier, that much I know. It would have enabled me to live and work in the world without forcing me to out myself against my will - always a very difficult experience. Therefore, I can't in all good conscience say that I'm against it, because I'm not. I do understand why it would be a concern for some people, truly - I never discount a person from the off as a bigot, because I don't know their life story, I don't know what they've experienced. All I can speak from is my own experience, which is that self-ID would have brought only good things to my life, and the lives of my transgender friends. However, I do agree that being transgender inherently should include some level of bodily dysphoria - I believe it's more than just a statement of words, certainly.

PhaedrasChocolate
Wow, you can have an orgasm? That's amazing. Do they kind of hook up nerve endings to enable that to happen?
Sorry if I sound clumsy. I actually really admire you for what you must have been through.
Essentially, yes. My clitoris remains intact inside my penis - as I have sex, the resulting pressure/friction/so on and so forth does much the same thing as it did before my surgery, and I am still able to orgasm. I gave a more substantial answer up above, but wanted to thank you for your support! It was Hell to get through, but I've never been happier.

JaneJeffer
Does it annoy you that MTF trans people who still have male genitalia are causing such ill feeling between women and the trans community?
Thanks for all your answers so far.
This is a difficult question for me to answer, I'm afraid. I've been a pre-op trans man for far longer than I have a post-op, and therefore I fully understand how painful it is to be a transgender person in a body that looks 'wrong' when compared to your own self-image, and to have people discredit you for that. I spent many, many years angry and frustrated and so, so depressed, because I didn't think I could ever be taken seriously as the man I knew I was. As such, I do fully understand the pain that pre-op trans women go through. However, there are two sides to every story, and without a dialogue being set up calmly and freely, I don't see a smooth way forward. I'm afraid I won't be able to answer this question without causing upset on either side, I don't think. Essentially, I just find it a shame that there's ill feeling at all - things would be far easier for everyone if frank, open discussions could be had without upset and far-flung vitriol. I'm sorry I can't give a more well-rounded answer.

You have done a really good job explaining things from your point of view - thank you.

EatSleepRantRepeat
I know you transitioned relatively early in life, but do you feel like you were socialised more as a female or as a male growing up? And when you "pass" after your transition, do you find people treat you any differently as a male than when you were seen as female? The reason I ask is the difficulties I have with TWs I know are mainly that they have been socialised as typically "male" and have the bad habits that male privilege can bring, for example a lack of understanding why I'm not comfortable being leered at in the street or why our female colleagues may not advance as quickly at work. I'd be interested in hearing your experiences on both sides of the fence as it were. Thank you in advance, and for being so reasonable and respectful to questions from posters on this thread!
Although my parents were far from gender-role-inclined in how they raised me, I still interacted with the world as a female until I was around 14 or 15. However, it was another five years before I started passing fully as male, so people continued to respond to me as a female for a long time after I began my transition. Yes, I have definitely noticed a difference in how people interact with me these days. However, it's hard to tell how much of that is down to the fact that I'm older now, and reactions to you naturally change as you age. I have noticed some elements of male privilege in the life I lead now, but I make it my goal to counteract these when I notice them - mainly because I have been on the 'other end', as it were.
Where trans women are concerned, I think there is such a desire to forget their past. A lot of trans people feel the same way - you kick back against any suggestion that you were born a certain way and not the other, because the reminder is so painful. I talk a big game, but the fact that I wasn't born male still hurts me extremely deeply - I've done what I can for myself and my body, but it will never take away the desire to have been born a man. It's the same for many trans women, which I think is the reason why sometimes certain trans women can seem unsympathetic. Trans men can too. I think as trans people, we generally need to be aware that people will have questions and concerns, and that occasionally we will need to answer them whether we want to or not. In the same vein, I think it's useful for others to remember that trans people are adjusting in every single aspect of their lives, and that big changes always come with a transitioning (hah) period - often we're still trying to work out our own reactions and positions on things, particularly if we're in the preliminary stages of social or medical change. Sometimes that change can happen rather clumsily!
Essentially, it all comes down to talk. We need to talk to one another - set up an honest, frank dialogue, and express concerns and questions in a calm, deliberated environment in order to clear things up for both sides involved. But that's easy for me to say. I could talk for the flippin Olympics.

Terfing
Hi op,
How would you define the word "male"?
Another eternal question! It's not something that can be packaged up in a single word, I don't think. I believe it differs for each man - certainly my personality, my thoughts, feelings and opinions, haven't changed because I transitioned. I'm still inherently the same person I was before, if a lot older and a little fatter. I'm a man because I am. That's really the only way I can describe it. I just am. 'Male' is me. I understand that's a very unsatisfactory answer! But I feel like I could talk and talk and talk until the cows come home and still not get to the heart of how to define 'male' as a concept. Again, some people may disagree! That's fine. I live in my body and I know the best way to do that in order for me to be happy - differing opinions don't sway me too much these days!
If you mean the medical definition of 'male', I'm sure it's very wordy and important and I'm sure I don't technically fit it. I'm afraid I don't read dictionaries much!

NikiFree
Why does the suicide rate for post surgery trans gender people remain so high. After they get what they want, the suicide risk is immense.
Are you not worried about the long term affects on your health. You had a healthy urethra and now if you've had phalloplasty are likely peeing through a piece of skin from your arm which will be prone to strictures. What will it be like in old age?
Women are at risk of osteoporosis post menopause because of the drop in oestrogen.
You are still a biological XX natal female. Having wiped out your oestrogen with cross sex hormones far earlier than menopause what about the risk to you for osteoporosis and other disorders?
You had a healthy body and made it worse.
I think a large part of it is because there is a lack of a support system in their daily life. A lot of transgender people don't recieve what they desperately need from family or friends in terms of love and support, and it is an exceedingly lonely, isolating experience to go through alone. I have been extremely lucky in that the people I care about have always seen me as the man I am, but that's certainly the exception in the general trans community, unfortunately.
Not too worried, no. Yes, my phallus and urethra are made from a skin graft taken from my arm. For all intents and purposes, the skin of the forearm bears very little difference to the skin of a penis. There is minimal scarring to the skin itself because it is removed pretty much intact as a 'tube' shape - for this reason, the forearm is a much better donor site than back or thigh, which used to be the norm. Yes, there is always the risk of a urethral stricture and infection (although I am long past the preliminary infection stage), but statistically my risk is no higher than any other man's!
In short, I take testosterone to replace what I'm losing in oestrogen. The levels I take are closely monitored and carefully dosed out, primarily to avoid post-menopause risks. I've been on T for about eleven years now, self-administering every day - the benefits it provides to my life and health are worth whatever longterm risks there might be. I need to take care of myself in the now, and had I continued on in my life without medically transitioning, I would have died very young. This is best for me. I'd much rather live a longer, happier, more fulfilling life - even if that does later come with some complications, which can happen to anyone, after all, and the risk of which is no higher in trans people than anyone else - than a short, miserable one!
My body wasn't particularly healthy to begin with, if we're honest! If anything, taking hormones has actually improved my symptoms of fibromyalgia and given me much more energy, not to mention saved me from suicideal ideation and intent. I feel far healthier now than I ever did before.

rosieposey
I think your answers have been considered and informative so thank you so much for that, I, as the mother of a 23 y o FtoM transman have found them to be really helpful and informative.
My son also asked me to rename him which I happily did. We have been I believe supportive and I was there when he came around from top surgery at the beginning of the year, he will be having bottom surgery in the near future.
A lot of your answers resonate with me and our experience in so far as what he talks to me about. Thank you once again for this, I often avoid trans threads on here as some can be quite upsetting but I really think that you have answered these truthfully. My son is unrecognisable from his former incarnation 7 years ago but that was always his intention 😊
This is lovely to read. Thank you so much for writing this. Tensions tend to run very high on the Internet, where trans people are involved - sometimes it really is best to steer clear entirely and just do what's best for you and your loved ones. I'm a grumpy old sod who's been through the wars and there's very little I've not heard, but some things can be terribly damaging to younger trans people in vulnerable positions. Avoid them entirely, to be honest! The only opinions that really matter are the ones you deem worthy. I hope your son lives a wonderful life, and I wish him luck on his upcoming surgeries! They're not pleasant, I won't lie, but if he wants it, then the results are worth it.

What advice would you give to a straight female with a male heterosexual partner who had announced they were transgender and wanted to transition once they have had children?

Frequency
What downsides have there been to your surgery/hormone treatment and are they honestly worth it?
My daughter is in a relationship with a trans boy who is thinking of going down the surgery/hormone route and I'm terrified for his mental and physical health. Although I call him by his male name, to me he is mentally ill teenage girl who desperately needs help but because he has declared himself trans everyone is focusing on that and not his self-harm, depression, suicidal ideation and abusive home life.
I am scared to death for him and do not want him to transition.
First off, thank you for calling him by his chosen name, even if your own opinion doesn't match his. That will mean a great deal to him.
The downsides for me personally have mostly been cosmetic - I do have large scarring on my chest where my breasts were removed, but have been able to cover these with tattoos. However, I will take scarring any day of the week over having to wear a medical garment day and day out to compress my chest, which is what I did before my top surgery. As far as my bottom surgery goes, I do still experience some twinges of pain here and there, because it is an intensive procedure, but are the results worth it? Ten thousand times, yes. For me personally, it has made a monumental difference that I couldn't have survived without. However, it is a huge step to take.
If he is seeing an NHS gender identity clinic in London, they will provide him with therapy and counselling before hormones ever mentioned. It will be a safe space for him to voice his depression and trauma, and they provide solid mental health support as well as help with identity. As far as surgery goes, if he goes through the NHS it will be a very long wait before he is even considered for any sort of surgery - the average waiting list for top surgery on the London GIC is 4 years. He will have plenty of time to assure himself (or not) of his identity, and he will have plenty of help to do so. Please don't worry that he's going to be hurtled into something at top speed - even with the tick-box approach of some clinics, the NHS waiting times strike us all, trans people included!
If you can, please continue to provide him with support and compassion, even if you disagree with some of his choices - it sounds as though he gets very little at home.

LadyintheRadiator
In what way were you ‘masquerading’ as a woman?
Because I wasn't a woman, in essence. I didn't want to keep lying to myself and people around me. I wanted to live happily under a name a pronouns that I enjoyed hearing. It was nothing about 'being' a woman inherently that put me off, there's no suggestion that womanhood is something to escape from or reject - I just wasn't one, that's all.

picklemebaubles
I'm really enjoying reading your answers.
We don't hear enough from trans men, and your gentle humour and refusal to take offence is refreshing!
Thank you so much! I generally assume that all questions come from a good place, even if they come across a little blunt - I like to think that a calm, measured answer is more useful than getting angry and taking offence. It's definitely taken a lot of practice, though!

SnuggyBuggy
How do you feel you compare to other men? Do they seem to accept you as one of them? Do androphilic men and women seem to accept you as a man?
I feel I compare pretty well. A person who doesn't know me or my situation will look at me and see a man, in my voice and appearance. Those who I have chosen to tell myself have generally taken it pretty well, and consider me a man in my own right. At any rate, I know what I am, and I'm secure enough in my own life and identity these days to turn a blind eye to the people who want to tell me otherwise.
As for gay men and women - I covered it briefly in an earlier answer, but it's been a little hit and miss, as it has been for straight people. My husband is gay, and he accepted me as a man from the very start, even when I didn't look outwardly male. I've met lesbian women who accepted me as a man, and those who don't. That's really how it is with everyone, sexuality and gender aside. I've not had many romantic or sexual experiences outside of my husband, but those few that I did have happened before my medical transition, and as such I was generally being treated as female. I've not really had the chance to test the waters with other gay men in a sexual or romantic sense, and I'm perfectly happy to let that experience slide!
These days, people accept me as a man because they don't know me as anything else. It was much, much harder when I had to fight my corner as a man who 'looked like' a woman.

Truckingonandon
Do you believe that gender is a social construct?
Tricky one. Yes, in the sense that this 'pink for girls blue for boys' nonsense is outdated and unnecessary, and that a person's aesthetic choices for their life don't necessarily have an impact on their social roles. If your little girl wears shorts and plays with trucks, obviously that doesn't mean she's trans! Vice verse, a boy in a dress with a doll doesn't count towards a massive life decision. There absolutely should be relaxation in how children choose to express themselves, and the influence that expression has on their later lives. Likewise, GNC adults are often just that - GNC, in their presentation and self-esteem. Not every GNC person in trans, but in the same vein, some are. In my opinion, reworking how to look at and think about gender on a societal level is useful for everybody, transgender or otherwise.

givenupcaring
It is clear from what you say that you are transsexual and suffer(ed?) From Gender Dysphoria.
May I ask please why you identify as transgender rather than transsexual - this puts you under the same umbrella as cross dressers and autogynephiles ?
Because being transgender not a paraphilia. Being a man doesn't 'arouse' me - it's not a sexual thing, it's just who I am. If it was, the Ball Button would be working overtime, because I live as a man every second of every day. I'd be exhausted.
For transparency, yes, I do have a medical diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder. All this did realistically was give me access to the treatment I needed in order to live my life honestly.

Aridane
Were all your family supportive?
Most of them, and all of my close family. Some extended family members took a long period of adjustment, but for the most part they got they.

Aridane
Have you suffered transphobia?
Yes. I've been hospitalised three times due to severe physical attacks, one of which blinded me in my left eye, and I have lost track of the physical, emotional and verbal transgressions I've experienced due to being transgender. It's extremely sad, but unfortunately it's part and parcel.

Aridane
Have you ventured into Feminism Chat on Mumsnet?
I've poked my head in once or twice! Never posted, though.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn
What is your opinion of transactivists who don’t seem to have gender dysphoria but instead use the trans rights in order to abuse, intimidate and attack women?
Genuine question, since I think that these activists have also maligned and abused trans people in this as well.
I think there should be some form of gender dysphoria for a person to be trans. Yes, I am in support of an enlightened world where people are free to dress and behave in whatever way they see fit, but in this current world that we live in, being transgender does seem to inherently include some level of body dysphoria.
There seems to be a sense of 'I speak for everyone!' with certain members of the transgender community, and the long and short of it is, they don't. People can only speak for their own experience. I think people who barrel all guns blazing into a conversation and make a lot of noise without making much of a point outside of insults and venom do nobody any good - least of all the marginalised people they profess to speak on behalf of.

user8526831517
What advice would you give to a straight female with a male heterosexual partner who had announced they were transgender and wanted to transition once they have had children?

I would recommend couples therapy and identity counselling, before children are ever on the table. Never, ever underestimate the value of therapy and counselling. At the end of the day, however, that's a very personal situation that the straight woman in question would have to think very deeply and introspectively about - nobody wants to be trapped in an unhappy relationship, no matter what the cause of that unhappiness is. I firmly believe that where relationships are concerned, individual happiness comes first - if a person cannot come to terms with something, whatever it may be, then it is their right to do what's best for their happiness. It may hurt, but people should never feel like they can't say no.

Thank you OP, that's helpful. I am terrified for the future.

Thank you Fabian for posting this thread. My eldest child is currently attending GIDS, we are still in the assessment phase.

There is always a lot about male to female but the female to male seems to be brushed over. My child is female to male and I found it very difficult at first to accept as I have tried to raise my children that anyone can achieve anything whether male or female, I have avoided stereotypes etc. (I was brought up on a strict Catholic, women do women's jobs etc so have tried my hardest to avoid that).

Can I ask whether your parents/guardians brought you up with stereotypical boys do this and girls do this role or whether they were more avoiding of stereotypical roles?

Also, sorry for such a long post!

Also, sorry if you have already answered this to someone else, I'm going to go back and read through the questions and answers now.

Fascinating read! You're coming across excellently & it's so nice to hear a calm and reasonable voice on the topic of trans - I find the transphobia of the feminism threads really concerning, do you?

You said you do advocate work, what sort of things does that involve?

VeniVidiViciTwice
Thank you Fabian for posting this thread. My eldest child is currently attending GIDS, we are still in the assessment phase.
There is always a lot about male to female but the femle to male seems to be brushed over. My child is female to male and I found it very difficult at first to accept as I have tried to raise my children that anyone can achieve anything whether male or female, I have avoided stereotypes etc. (I was brought up on a strict Catholic, women do women's jobs etc so have tried my hardest to avoid that).
Can I ask whether your parents/guardians brought you up with stereotypical boys do this and girls do this role or whether they were more avoiding of stereotypical roles?
Also, sorry for such a long post!
Best of luck and wellwishes to your child!
I covered it briefly in other answers, but I'll readdress - my parents were very fair when raising my brother and I. We were treated exactly the same, bought the clothes and toys we expressed interest in and were very relaxed about gender roles and stereotypes - we were taught that we could achieve whatever we wanted to achieve, no matter the societal role. Thank you for raising your children in the same way. For this reason, I believe that my transgender status is more hard-wired internally than simply being forced into a box I didn't fit - it didn't matter how fairly they treated us, in the end. The fact that I am trans essentially bore no relation on whether I was forced to wear skirts or play with dolls, because I never was. I just wasn't a girl! It could be that your child is the same - some kids just know what they are from a young age and it's no reflection on how they're raised, because I'm sure you've done a wonderful job!

Do you have any plans in place for when the NHS is privatised or after brexit for your long term healthcare?
Did it ever concern you that there might very well be a time when drugs, hormones etc are not available freely, now youve had all this cosmetic surgery and require medication for the rest of your life?

Since you presumably went through female puberty as normal and now say that you pass pretty well as if a man, does it concern you about the premature medicalisation of children pre-puberty and all the issues that can bring, rather than encouraging children to go through puberty naturally and seeing how they feel when they are older and possibly more of an age to make lasting decisions

Do you believe in a souls or gendered brains? You say several times that you were always a boy/man, but do you therefore believe that you have a male soul or a male brain somehow incorrectly appearing in a female body? Or do you think that there is something different in your brain that is causing your brain to reject the sex of you body, causing the body dysphoria?

LittleKitty1985
Fascinating read! You're coming across excellently & it's so nice to hear a calm and reasonable voice on the topic of trans - I find the transphobia of the feminism threads really concerning, do you?
You said you do advocate work, what sort of things does that involve?
Thank you - I figure I've been through the wars, so I'm more suited to talking about the more sensitive topics than someone who is a little newer to the process.
Yes, I do find the transphobia in certain threads very concerning. I think a lot of it is born from ill experiences in the past, but it is still painful to read. Realistically, however, I know that a lot of the words typed on the Internet are not words that are voiced in real life, for the most part. I'm of the opinion that people are welcome to think whatever they like, as long as I don't have to hear it without my having invited it! In a situation like this, I can choose to take myself away for a moment if it's getting too heated or I feel myself getting worked up - engaging with questions is on my own terms, and I am fully equipped to deal with a little haranguing here and there! What I do find concerning is when people bring their opinions to the transgender community without having been invited to do so - seeking us out, as it were, and demanding our voices. There is a time and a place for debate and discussion - certain Internet forums aren't always the best location!
I work with a lot of transgender youth (16-23), doing talks and workshops with the aim of helping them educate and understand themselves on a psychological level. There's very little support from older transgender people that takes place in a safe, secure environment - I provide a little of that, and help guide younger community members to the option that best fits them, be it societal transitioning, NHS treatment or therapy. Sometimes, it turns out that they are not trans after all, and that is ok! It's 100% fine to be transgender. It's also fine not to be transgender, and I think some young people with gender confusion forget that it's ok to change their minds as they grow. What fitted them in their youth will not necessarily always fit them in maturity, and that is ok.

You sound lovely OP. You haven't mansplained at all

Id like to go back to an earlier question, about using male spaces.

You say no one would recognose you as female, even if they did get a "creepy" glance.

This may be true for you, but isnt for many transpeople. Many men, and women, feel uncomfortable sharing these spaces with people of the opposite sex.

Do you think people have a right to sex segregated spaces, based on biological sex?

If not, can you explain why?