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AMA
Original poster

I’m a gay man. AMA

258 replies

EcoCleaner · 20/10/2018 23:24

Gay, spent much of my formative years on “the scene”, Irish catholic family on my side and Muslim in-laws.

Ask me anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
EcoCleaner · 21/10/2018 20:09

TwistedStitch ok, 2 things.

  1. are you implying that being a woman is linked to ability to have children? Cause that's dangerous territory for women who can't have children.
  1. are you implying that by us exploring surrogacy options, we are somehow exploiting a woman? Because I find that notion ridiculously offensive. I would never EVER put anyone, male or female, in that position. And has it happens we have 2 female friends who have offered to do this for us off their own back for no reason other than they think we should have the same right and opportunity to have our own children, just like they do, and our sexuality shouldn't hold us back from doing so.
OP posts:
Unicyclethief · 21/10/2018 20:11

But only women can give birth. You know actual biological women.

Unicyclethief · 21/10/2018 20:12

And those biological women who cannot give birth are not any less women, but you (and everyone else) know this.

AromaticSpices · 21/10/2018 20:13

No questions from me really but I just wanted to say that I don't know why people are expecting the OP to be some sort of expert on trans issues just because he is gay Hmm

Original poster
EcoCleaner · 21/10/2018 20:14

Unicyclethief there's no point in me commenting on that. I'd only be repeating myself and we won't agree.

OP posts:
TwistedStitch · 21/10/2018 20:16

I am saying, OP, that you are a hypocrite. You shout transwomen are women, until you need something from an actual woman and then you are willing to discriminate. And not all women are able to have children, but ONLY women are able to have children.

I believe that surrogacy is exploitative, yes. Even with altruistic surrogacy the woman is risking her life. I don't care that you find it offensive. I find it offensive that you belittle the concerns of women about sharing spaces with male bodied people, and lecture women on what a woman is, whilst seemingly conveniently knowing what a woman is when you want to use her womb.

Original poster
EcoCleaner · 21/10/2018 20:17

AromaticSpices apparantly we're all in the same club.
We meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 6pm and have fabulous discos. Glitterball

OP posts:
TwistedStitch · 21/10/2018 20:19

Maybe people are questioning the OP about trans issues because when asked if he had ever struggled with his gender he stated 'Transwomen are women end of conversation.' Of course he is going to be challenged.

Unicyclethief · 21/10/2018 20:20

We absolutely do not think the OP is an expert on trans issues aromatic, as evidenced by his rather circular arguments. But for many reasons, as have been stated already, these questions are of interest as many gay rights groups have taken on the trans ideology quite aggressively.

AromaticSpices · 21/10/2018 20:20

Sounds bloody ace Eco - can I come?! Wine

Smotheroffivefourthreetwoone · 21/10/2018 20:21

What IS going on here now then?!
I actually do believe that there has not been one shred of shouting by OP, or anger, just open honest discussion and opinion sharing.

He's not the one shouting or name-calling. Why SO much vitriole?
He seems perfectly reasonable and we don't all have to agree so where's the issue?

titchy · 21/10/2018 20:22

Given that you've said you were young in the late 80s era of HIV, you must be what 50? Do you think you're too old to start thinking about having a baby?

Smotheroffivefourthreetwoone · 21/10/2018 20:23

twisted would you remove women's right to offer her womb for rent even though she had a calling to do that?

Shadow1986 · 21/10/2018 20:27

Not sure why the OP is being challenged so much about gender, this AMA is about sexuality isn’t it?
Some posters seem to be picking holes in everything he says. He’s being respectful and answering things as best he can - and doing very well in my opinion.
OP I was going to ask if you and your partner show affection in public but I see that has already been answered.
How did you and your partner meet? (I don’t think this has been asked yet) do you think it’s harder for gay people to find a partner in the sense that you may be attracted to someone, but find it harder to approach as you don’t know their sexuality?

Original poster
EcoCleaner · 21/10/2018 20:27

TwistedStitch your name is appropriate since you've manage to twist everything I've said. I've not lectured anybody. I was asked questions and I have an answer. Don't like what I've said? Then don't ask the question

I can't believe I'm about to say this AGAIN, but alas, for your benefit, I will.

Any views expressed, any answers to any questions have been given based on my own experience. I would never ever in a million years turn around to a trans woman or a trans man and say "you are not a woman" or "you are not a man". It's incredibly rude, narrowminded and disrespectful. Having known many trans people, I would say that they would be highly offended if I referred to them as anything other than male or female. And as a result, my approach to trans men and women has always been to identify them as they wish to be identified, with the same respect that I would anybody else.

As for your surrogacy remark, is anybody forcing you to do it? I wouldn't never put that kind of pressure on someone. But as I say, we've been offered. By ladies who will still be very much a part of our and our childrens lives.

OP posts:
TwistedStitch · 21/10/2018 20:27

I don't support commercial surrogacy at all Smother. I think altruistic surrogacy such as within the UK should be far more tightly regulated.

titchy · 21/10/2018 20:27

Actually I don't think OP is really aware of the problems with saying TWAW. Not his fault. He hasn't had a lifetime of female socialisation, sexual assault, being groped by teachers, perved on walking down the road etc. Being passed over for promotion because you're female. Needed an abortion. He just won't be aware of any of the discrimination and sometimes fear that women have every day. Men aren't. So he won't be aware of the lengths that men go to to get to women.

He's also middle aged, and doesn't appear to be politically aware or active, so is unlikely to be aware of Stonewall's complete about-turn, and abandonment of lesbians.

formerbabe · 21/10/2018 20:29

are you implying that being a woman is linked to ability to have children Cause that's dangerous territory for women who can't have children

The difference is that if a biological woman goes to her gp and says she can't fall pregnant, the gp will wonder why and carry out investigative tests to try to find out why she can't get pregnant.

If a transwoman goes to her gp and asks why she isn't able to fall pregnant, no tests are necessary. We know why she can't.

Hth

Original poster
EcoCleaner · 21/10/2018 20:29

TwistedStitch "commercial surrogacy in the UK is illegal. Not sure how more regulated you want it to be.

OP posts:
TwistedStitch · 21/10/2018 20:30

That's why I said ALTRUISTIC surrogacy that we have in the UK, OP.

Truckingonandon · 21/10/2018 20:32

The issue is Smother that he's part of a group of people who are perpetuating untruths which erode women's rights. You ok with that?

Eco - I never thought for one second that your response would benefit me in any way. However, we both know you won't answer because you know that your comment is bunkum. Just like your comment about being more 'motherly' than your partner.

Original poster
EcoCleaner · 21/10/2018 20:32

Shadow1986 we were set up by a mutual friend who thought we'd be a good match. But yes, I do think it's harder. I wouldn't be comfortable approaching a stranger in a bar for example (unless it was a gay bar). I think that's why the aps and dating sites...infact, the internet in general, has played such a big part in gay culture over the years.

OP posts:
EarlyWalker · 21/10/2018 20:34

Fucking hell this place really is vile sometimes. Op you’ve done a great job at keeping calm and collected!

People do this a lot on here, ask question after question trying to catch you out if you don’t have the exact same opinion as them. And say it’s all in the name of women! My sister was born without a womb, she’s hoping to go via surrogacy too in the future, I wish you the best with starting a family when you wish to do so Flowers

LIVIA999 · 21/10/2018 20:35

My little boy said to his sister this evening, and then to me that sometimes he thinks he is a girl and sometimes he thinks he is a boy.
He also said he like girls and boys.
Do you remember when you became aware that you were gay. Did you ' come out'
I felt so sad for him as he got quite tearful and I hate for him to be worried.

Original poster
EcoCleaner · 21/10/2018 20:36

Truckingonandon what rights exactly do you think I'm eroding?

OP posts:
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