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AMA

I’m a gay man. AMA

258 replies

EcoCleaner · 20/10/2018 23:24

Gay, spent much of my formative years on “the scene”, Irish catholic family on my side and Muslim in-laws.

Ask me anything.

OP posts:

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calpop · 21/10/2018 01:22

Hi OP interesting thread, thanks. Can I ask how/when you knew you were gay and what your attitude to girls was, growing up? I ask because I have 2 nephews who are gay (and, I think, a son) and the distinguishing feature i noticed, from a very young age, was their complete disinterest in women. They used to look through me in a very particular way that I only ever experience from gay men and Im wondering if its a distinguishing feature.

MadamBatty · 21/10/2018 01:26

People cannot change sex. Male born people cannot become women. It’s science.

IfNotNowThenWooOoOoo · 21/10/2018 01:33

Good luck with surrogacy - altruistic in the uk is near impossible due to lack of women wishing to do it. So you can either pay £20k/child in third world countries like Cambodia

Yeah, just go buy a baby off a poor woman so she can feed her other kids. Simples. (that's me vomming)

EcoCleaner · 21/10/2018 15:08

user8905 thanks for the input. The difficulty is that my other half has seen so many adoptions fall apart and it's important for him to have this own children. Whereas for me, it's important to me to have children regardless of how we do it.

calpop I've always known I was not like the other boys on the playground at school from being 4, 5 years old. Although at that age, I didn't know why. For me, it was the opposite - ALL my close friends were girls. I was very intimidated by other boys, especially if they were sporty or athletic because I'm really not. But it wasn't until I got older, I'd say maybe 11 or 12, that I started to discover my sexuality. I came out at 16.

MadamBatty I respectfully disagree. On what scientific basis are you making that statement? I would say the opposite, science has made leaps and bounds in terms of gender and many transgender people living there lives as the gender they identify as is proof of that, especially if they've been through gender reassignment treatment and surgery.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 21/10/2018 15:23

OP, can you understand why women are wary of transwomen being able to access everywhere that is intended for women only, just by virtue of wearing typically (or often not typically) female clothing and saying they are a woman? Can you see why this might be inappropriate in a prison or in a swimming changing room?

OpalIridescence · 21/10/2018 15:34

Really interesting reading this.

As a gay man would you enter into a relationship with a transman?

EcoCleaner · 21/10/2018 15:36

HollowTalk no. Sorry. I don't understand that thinking at all.
A swimming changing room for example - I'm pretty sure most if not all swimming pools now have changing cubicles? Certainly all of my local ones do. What difference does the gender of the person in the next cubicle make to you?

I'm absolutely 100% male and very happy with myself. It wouldn't matter to me if the person in the next cubicle was male or female or used to be one or the other.

OP posts:

hungryhippie · 21/10/2018 15:38

Would you have a sexual relationship with a transman who hadnt had bottom surgery?

EcoCleaner · 21/10/2018 15:40

OpalIridescence I don't see why not, providing I'm attracted to that person and our personalities are compatible. I know trans people on both sides (male to female and female to male) and 2 of them inparticular I would never have known on meeting them that they were every physically anything other than what they are now.

OP posts:

EcoCleaner · 21/10/2018 15:45

hungryhippie it would totally depend on the person. In all honesty, I'm not sure. Thinking about it, my brain isn't screaming at me "no no no". The idea doesn't frighten me. But it would depend on how attracted I am to them or how well our personalities matched. It's a difficult question really, I know that in terms of sexual attraction, I am very much attracted to men. So it would need to be a combination of physical attraction and personality.

This is of course assuming that a female to male trans man is then a gay man. That may not be the case. A female to male trans man could be attracted to women, therefore being a straight man. I don't think gender identify and sexuality are necessarily linked.

OP posts:

OpalIridescence · 21/10/2018 15:46

That's really fascinating. I would have understood the basics to be you are attracted to males bodies. But, you are saying you could be sexual with a female body if it identifies as male?

HollowTalk · 21/10/2018 15:48

I know that in terms of sexual attraction, I am very much attracted to men.

Do you mean men, men or transmen?

HollowTalk · 21/10/2018 15:48

And a lot of swimming pool changing rooms for women have one big room.

RatUnholyRolyPoly · 21/10/2018 15:48

Are there a lot of "straight" men on the gay dating scene? I've come across quite a few instances lately of seemingly straight family men hanging out on Grindr and the like; just wondering how common it is and how these men are thought of amongst the gay community.

SoleBizzz · 21/10/2018 15:50

Do your families accept your sexuality/relationship?

EcoCleaner · 21/10/2018 15:53

OpalIridescence I think it would depend on where that person is at with their transition. Not to be superficial but the initial spark when you see someone you like is physical. Of course a relationship runs deeper than that, but that first spark is always when you look at someone and think "phwoooarr", right? For me, that just doesn't happen when I look at women. I have absolutely no sexual attraction to ladies at all. So being completely honest I'm not sure what would happen.

From experience, I did know a post-op female to male trans man many years ago who was absolutely gorgeous. So maybe it would depend on where they're at? I'll come back and tell you if it ever happens :)

OP posts:

EcoCleaner · 21/10/2018 15:57

HollowTalk I don't understand what you mean by that question. A trans man is still a man.

RatUnholyRolyPoly oh god yes, lots. Especially on the dating aps like you said. Lots of men living double lives, especially from backgrounds and cultures where it's not acceptable.

SoleBizzz Yes. To the point with our immediate families now that it just isn't a thing. It's not drawn attention to and my partner is treated no differently to my sister's in law. My nieces and nephews are also fully aware and have been since a young age.

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EcoCleaner · 21/10/2018 16:01

This is certainly interesting for me - I hadn't realised how much gender and sexuality are linked in peoples minds.

For me, they're very seperate. For example a female to male transgender man isn't necessarily going to be attracted to men. Or a male to female trans lady could just as likely be a lesbian.

OP posts:

OpalIridescence · 21/10/2018 16:08

I don't link sexuality and gender. I don't believe in gender as an inate inner energy.

OpalIridescence · 21/10/2018 16:10

I was just surprised by the idea that a gay man could be sexually involved with a female body depending on its owners gender identity.

Do you actually know of any gay men in sexual relationships with pre op transmen? Wondering if this is kind theory rather than reality.

SoleBizzz · 21/10/2018 16:14

Im so pleased for you both. Must have been difficult at first.

hungryhippie · 21/10/2018 16:14

If you were to find yourself attracted to a pre op trans man, but when it came down to sex you found that you just couldnt because you werent attracted to vaginas, would that make you transphobic?

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Truckingonandon · 21/10/2018 16:14

You absolutely do not totally understand the transgender thing if you truly believe that transwomen are women. You are deluded. They are men. They were born men, have a penis and NOTHING can change that fact. Sure, they can wear a dress if they feel like it but a bit of fabric doesn't make them a woman.

It's also total bullshit that you'd consider shagging a transman but that's ok, I get it - why would you. You're attracted to men/dicks and they are woman and don't have dicks.

EcoCleaner · 21/10/2018 16:14

OpalIridescence it's the first time I've really considered any link to be honest. I always think of gender being a physical identify vs emotional identity. I'm male and definitely emotionally male. My inner feelings are definitely in synch with my body. But I understand that this is not the case for trans people, although not a feeling I can relate to.

OP posts:

Truckingonandon · 21/10/2018 16:16

Oh and I know this is ama and I've made a comment rather than ask you a question but I just don't get why I'd want to ask a gay man anything. Oh, no, actually, I would. What's your favourite chocolate bar?

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