I’m a gay man. AMA

[EcoCleaner]

Gay, spent much of my formative years on “the scene”, Irish catholic family on my side and Muslim in-laws.

Ask me anything.

Yeah, coz they all have the same views. Hey OP, what's the gay view on Brexit?

Well yes, it does read a bit like that. But I also agree, it is interesting to get someone's opinion on the subject from their perspective on society. I just don't think it warrants the belligerence we sometimes see.

Anyway, good thread OP, thanks for answering all these questions :)

Have you got any info on either Eric or Ernie? Seen them at clubs etc?

Well as a ginger I appreciated the caveat at the end OP.

I'm not sure what ulterior motive there is supposed to be running on the thread.

I am interested in OP views on trans issues as lesbian friends have been worried about the push to include trans women in their dating circles.

I wondered if the same was felt by OP.

Also it's an AMA..

donquixotedelamancha I voted Remain, although likely not for the reasons people think. We're very entagled with the EU, as our current situation is proving. Working in the industry I do, I see a lot of the positive impacts of the EU. Our human rights laws, employment law (things like maternity pay, sick pay, holiday entitlement etc) all stem from EU law. I think as a country we had way bigger issues than the EU that needed addressing first. For me, it was more important to sort ourselves out first. I also think that both the remain campaign and leave campaign told endless amounts of lies, and people voted on both sides for the wrong reasons.

On the plus side, the result did silence that arsehat Farage so ya know, silver linings and all...

Goldenbug those old ho's, don't even get me started. Pair of bikes!

OpalIridescence that's an interesting point. I'll have to pick that up with my lesbian friends. Though I don't think gay men have quite the same feelings on it and I'm not sure why. I certainly don't feel threatened by a trans female to male being considered a gay man and being part of that dating circle. I'll have to speak to some ladies about that, thanks for the food for thought.

Is there a 'gay' answer to this? misses the point how discriminating?
Gay has got nothing to do with trans though, right? Or missing another point completely, unless you are gay trans maybe, but then isn't it the trans bit that's 'seen' as the issue, or not but being used as excuse to hate speak?

Ok, so you won't answer my question. Speaks volumes.

You are completely contradictory though and you can't seem to see it. You strongly believe a transman is a man and yet you wouldn't shag one cos they don't have a dick. Newsflash - I don't blame you cos they're a woman biologically and you're a gay man. Same with transwomen. They're men and no amount of lipstick will ever change that.

@Truckingonandon it's very interesting isn't it? Yet lesbians are under attack for not accepting "lesbians" with dicks. Male entitlement is very pervasive.

Smotheroffivefourthreetwoone you're absolutely right, being gay has nothing to do with trans. Sexuality isn't driven by gender. A friend of mine who is female to male trans but still attracted to men considers himself a gay man.

Truckingonandon apologies I didn't miss you intentionally. However it's a little more than just putting lipstick on. And if that's your approach from the start, then really you wouldn't benefit from me answering your question anyway.

This lady explains things better than I can

I find a gay persons individual take on the trans issues very interesting as they are all lumped in together at times plus as pp have pointed out, have been attacked as a group for not considering a sexual relationship with a non-transitioned trans person.

I don’t agree with the op on all points but it’s an interesting discussion to have if parties can remain calm as op has.

PerverseConverse there's a difference though between not accepting something and having a personal preference. As I've said, I would never think of a trans male as being any less male. Pre-op, would I want to have a sexual relationship with that person? Likely not. Purely because, as superficial as it may be, I doubt I'd be able to perform as I wouldn't get it up. But there's plenty of men I wouldn't be attracted to and they were born with a dick.

Also I was thinking about your ginger example. I don't think it works.

Surely it would that you are attracted to people with black hair, but there is a ginger person telling you they have black hair and you are pretending not to see the orange?

Your preferences mean you exclude men with vaginas from your intimate/private situations. My preferences mean that I exclude penises from my private/intimate situations. That preference gets me called terf, bigot and transphobe. What do you get called due to your preference?

How do you feel about the saying 'children need a mother' ?

PerverseConverse just because you get called that, doesn't mean you are those things.

I got called transphobic but I'm really, REALLY not. Nor am I mysogonistic for thinking it's offensive to say that a trans woman is not a woman.

Could the same be said for race and religion? Whereby a person brands all Muslim's as terrorists because of a small few committing horrible acts

Definitely it could, I think that's a very good analogy. And it's why the Muslims I know hate the fact that atrocities are committed in the name of their religion. There are trans people who also hate the fact that men trying to take advantage of women are calling themselves trans Debbie Hatton for example debbiehayton.wordpress.com/2018/10/20/trust-and-confidence-must-be-restored/ . Unfortunately a lot of gay rights organisations like stonewall have fallen for it.

Do some gay men deliberately mess with women? I'm not sure if they are just bi-curious, purposely trying to cause pain or just totally oblivious that being attractive and flirting can give the wrong idea.

If a trans man is a man, and you met them on a night out and started dating..etc at what point would you expect them to tell you that they aren't actually a man and don't have a penis?
For me, I would feel really betrayed by not being made aware from the start as it would be a deal breaker for me (in a straight woman but I don't suppose it makes any difference if I was a gay man) but then if you are saying that trans men are men, then they shouldn't have to declare anything? They just are a man..

Not sure that makes sense written down or not

I got called transphobic but I'm really, REALLY not.

To clarify, I was absolutely not calling you transphobic. I think the idea is laughable, but many feminists (and others) have been called that for the same sentiment.

I'm not saying you're transphobic either but many people think that excluding trans people in any way at all, is transphobic.

mamatomjl I think the sentiment is right, but goes back to the days when men and women had very defined roles. The role of a "mother" can be done by a man. Not biologically of course, but the roles and responsibilities typically and historically associated with the mother are pretty genderless.

For us, I am definitely the more motherly of the two. I would like to think there would be enough love in our home for any child to not feel like they're missing out.

MamaJune no, I get what you mean. I'm not sure tbh. I like to think I'm the sort of person that anybody could be honest with from the start. Infact I would appreciate the honesty. But that goes for anything, not just gender identity.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth Not that I've ever known. Personally I wouldn't really know where to start.

Hi OP. If Transwomen are Women, END OF, will you consider using one for your surrogacy?

TwistedStitch if science discover the means in which to allow this, then yes. Alas for the moment, that's a biological impossibility.

hell if science figure out a way for me to grow my own in a kilner jar in the garage, I'd do it. Why limit ourselves?

Yeah it's almost as if you know who is ACTUALLY a woman, when you need them to provide you with something. It's always the ACTUAL women getting exploited and risking their health.