I’m a gay man. AMA

[EcoCleaner]

Gay, spent much of my formative years on “the scene”, Irish catholic family on my side and Muslim in-laws.

Ask me anything.

Have you ever slept with a woman? If so, Which was better sexually in terms of feel? I’ve always wondered!

titchy absolutely. What a horrible statistic! I would say though that having trans friends over the years, they're probably the least likely people in the world to rape anyone. I can't say I've ever met a trans person who has chosen not to have any treatment or surgery. Everyone I've known has either been making steps towards or had surgery.

PerverseConverse I wouldn't be attracted to someone with breasts and it's highly unlikely I'd see their vagina on first meeting! Trans or otherwise, I'm pretty sure most people don't parade them around. As rude as it may be, I'd probably have to say "come back and see me once you've had the op".

You talk about birth gender - there is no such thing

And no one who was born a biological female can ever be “100% anatomically Male”

slithytove yes, I do. If you read back, you'll see I was surprised that people were linking together gender and sexuality. It's not something I've considered before.

EarlyWalker no, I haven't. I had a girlfriend when I was younger but there was no movement happening down below. Any intercourse would've been problematic.

I can't say I've ever met a trans person who has chosen not to have any treatment or surgery.

So you are saying that transgender means someone who had gender dysphoria, presents as a woman full time and is taking steps to appear as their target sex? I tend to agree with you, but I wonder if you are aware that this definition is often decried as transphobic?

So what is birth gender and what does not being aligned to it mean?

You say science has made leaps and bounds in terms of gender - how so? What is gender?

What is your gender? What makes you that gender?

Everyone I've known has either been making steps towards or had surgery.

They're in the minority then! Suggest you check the new modern definition of transgender for an understanding of which males under self-ID will be able to share female space.

NB - your trans friends, who have or intend to surgically transition, are being thrown under the bus just like women are, by TRAs who mostly have no intention of physically transitioning at all.

I agree with your view donquixote.

I would also say that out of courtesy I would call that person by their chosen name and pronoun, and if they had had bottom surgery and taken all the current legal steps to call themselves a woman, I would accept them into women’s spaces.

I don’t apply the same logic to a Male bodied person wearing a dress who has taken no such steps.

donquixotedelamancha only based on my experience and the people I've met over the years. I wouldn't say that's a limited selection either - anything I've said has been based on listening to other people. Could I learn more? Absolutely. Likely in the future, I will :). The only way we learn about eachother is by listening to eachother.

I'd say some of the "a trans woman is not a woman" sentiment in this thread is more transphobic than anything I've said tbh.

I don’t apply the same logic to a Male bodied person wearing a dress who has taken no such steps

THIS.

After your conversation with your friend what made you choose Mumsnet for your thread?

What's your favourite snack?

It’s pretty misogynistic to say a trans woman is a woman actually.

Why is it offensive to call a trans woman a trans woman? They aren’t perhaps their birth sex (or don’t want to be) due to their dysphoria and the steps they have taken to help that, but just because they choose to no longer be a man, does not make them woman. They do not share women’s experiences and women certainly do not share trans women’s experiences. Why pretend the two are the same?

OP, thank you for posting. I don’t know if you are a regular on here but you’re doing extremely well

Have you or do you ever plan to get married to your partner?

Do you feel comfortable about showing affection in public or do you feel you have to hide it?

You do seem to be comfortable in the relationship you have which is great, despite not being able to be open with your wider family. However surely there would be problems if you became parents and how to explain that?

I get the impression that non monogamy seems to work well for a lot of gay couples - or am I wrong?

Op - you referenced my post with ‘This’ - was that in agreement or to call me transphobic?

My question is about the mechanics of the sex, just to prepared as I've always wondered, so to be blunt: wheres the thrill in the rectum? I know many like bum sex, its not for me, but apart from the instant prostate stimulation/ejaculation how pleasant it is having something inserted in your rectum, and is this therefore possible why there might be more that like being the giver than the taker. Feel I should apologise in two counts, for such a personal question and my ignorance!
On the transwomen, they are 'trans women' necessarily because they changed from being biologically male to lloking like female. FWIW I can't say how much I hate ppl telling me that I must be phobic because of that, or that I must be a terf!

Also, that 'looking through' women thing, as a gay man, I thought came across as a bit arrogant, and women not mattering, that somehow we only exist as sexual objects? omg yes that's what everyone's been on about all this time face palm ime (limited probs) gay men have been very into women friends, preferring them to men, so was surprised to hear your view on that.

Applaud you for the AMA btw

OpalIridescence the Ask Me Anything thread seemed the most logical and appropriate place :) .

Just to point out too, this has been a fairly respectful thread by all. My friend didn't have such joy on Facebook. Some pretty horrid comments.

Terf is also very misogynistic and I don’t appreciate being called one

Behold a man has come on here to tell the feminists that they are transphobic yet says he wouldn't be attracted to a transman

Subtle as a brick mate. You'll have to do better than that next time.

slithy. I was pointing out that holding the opinion will get you classified in that way rather than be seen as a logical opinion. (Which is what OP seemed to see it as).

Having been called the T word regularly it has lost its sting for me, I appreciate it may not be the case for you. Apologies.

Also just remembered that it's a banned word on here, oopss

HIVpos our wedding is booked :).

We're not ones for public displays of affection. Maybe we're old, I dunno. But I've not had the best experience with them in the past, having had a few black eyes and been spat at in the street. So we're not all over eachother in public.

You're right about potential issues in the future with families and us having children, eventually we will have to face the music. Certainly a conversation we need to have with our respective parents too.

Our relationship is completely monogamous, but I do know for other couples that isn't the case. I wonder if that's the same in a straight relationship, but maybe less talked about? I don't know. That could be a question for the "I'm straight, AMA" thread ;)

Smotheroffivefourthreetwoone that wasn't me that posted the "looking through women" comment. That was a question from someone else. I was the opposite and always had female friends growing up.

As for the sex question, I absolutely do not like anal sex. Well, no that's not true, but I don't like having anything inserted into my backside. It's really not for me. But I have friends who are exclusively bottoms, so I'll have to ask one of them and get back to you

Anyway, can anyone actually TELL someone else what their phobias are, its a bit like telling someone what they ID as.

I think most ppl resent to put it mildly being TOLD what and who they are. It's pretty shit behaviour.

Thanks and my bad, soz.

PerverseConverse I'm not sure how you got the impression I was telling anyone they're being transphobic. I don't think I've seen any major transphobia from anyone. All in all, it reads like a pretty respectful conversation??