I’m a gay man. AMA

[EcoCleaner]

Gay, spent much of my formative years on “the scene”, Irish catholic family on my side and Muslim in-laws.

Ask me anything.

[Truckingonandon]

Define, "emotionally male"?

[EcoCleaner]

Truckingonandon...well aren't you a a delight. Are you for real? You obviously don't know the difference between a transvestite and transgener.

OpalIridescence it's not a position I've been in to be honest and I'm not sure how I would feel about it. I do know a few couples of that nature. One couple made of a post-op trans man and his girlfriend. But he is a fair few years on from surgery and is now 100% anatomically male.

hungryhippie I honestly don't know how I would feel in the scenario. I've never thought about it to be honest. But if it ever happens, I'll let you know.

[SchnitzelVonKrumm]

• HollowTalk no. Sorry. I don't understand that thinking at all.
  A swimming changing room for example - I'm pretty sure most if not all swimming pools now have changing cubicles? Certainly all of my local ones do. What difference does the gender of the person in the next cubicle make to you?
  
  I'm absolutely 100% male and very happy with myself. It wouldn't matter to me if the person in the next cubicle was male or female or used to be one or the other.* You might not understand it but do you accept that many women feel that way and that their experiences of male violence and harassment mean they have good reason to, and that men, including those that advocate for transwomen, should take them at their word?

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Is there even a difference between transgender and transvestite these days? Aren't transvestites just gender fluid? I struggle to keep up with the terminology to be honest.

[BlancheM]

Transgender women are women. End of conversation.

No. It isn't possible to change biology. People can present however they like but they don't get to erase and deny my sex. I am a woman. I have faced things only women can face. You don't get to dismiss and shut down women's history and experiences just because you're ignorant about it. From reading your replies, you seem extremely confused about gender/biological sex.
Very rich of you to say it doesn't effect you whether you have a man or women next to you in the swimming pool changing room, you're a man. You have the privilege of not worrying about being raped or assaulted. The statistics don't show you to be in any danger.

[donquixotedelamancha]

@Everyone else. Does anyone not know a gay bloke they could ask? I'm brown haired- is it worth me doing an AMA?

@OP a number of your statements are a little unclear, perhaps you could expand:

I'm male and definitely emotionally male.
How would you know? What do you think it means to be emotionally female?

My inner feelings are definitely in synch with my body.
What does that mean? Are perhaps just hungry?

Transgender women are women. End of conversation.
Could you define a woman in this context? Could you also define transgender please?

that first spark is always when you look at someone and think "phwoooarr", right? For me, that just doesn't happen when I look at women.

Would you still be attracted to a very hot man if he put on a dress? What about if he said he was a woman but made no other changes? Would this make you bi?

[EcoCleaner]

Truckingonandon from my understanding of speaking to trans people, a transgender person is someone who does not emotionally align with their birth gender. Feeling that they're body is not what they should be in. As I've said, it's not a feeling I identify with, but I understand and respect that that's how a transgender person feels. The pain and termoil of waking up everyday and being completely uncomfortable in your own skin must be horrific. But not something I have experienced.

And dairy milk.

[Truckingonandon]

Yes, I am a delight 😁 I know the difference full well too thanks. You'd have to be pretty bloody stupid not to. Are you going to answer my question of defining being emotionally male?

[Truckingonandon]

X post - just seen that you have answered it.

[RatUnholyRolyPoly]

You'll notice conversations can be a bit of a stuck record around here sometimes EcoCleaner. I advise you not to go too far down the trans rabbit hole before beating your retreat.

Do you think your sexuality has had an impact on your career progression? Be that through discrimination or whatever else? Or has your experience been that it's largely unremarkable these days in the working world?

Ooh, and do you have to be careful with holiday destinations? What sort of considerations do you have to make? I remember being surprised the first time I went to Turkey that they gave me and my (now ex) husband twin beds instead of a double because I hadn't taken his name. I had to show them my marriage certificate to get a double! I can imagine in can be far more complicated (and perhaps dangerous) in certain places for homosexuals.

[hungryhippie]

The reason I asked the question is that this is happening to my lesbian friends who are not attracted to penises. The vast majority of transgender women retain their penis, yet are furious that some lesbians will not consider them as sexual partners. They are slandered all over twitter and called transphobic.

[titchy]

transgender person is someone who does not emotionally align with their birth gender.

Ah. Stonewall disagrees with you I'm afraid.

[Truckingonandon]

Dairy milk - good choice. You've just gone up somewhat in my estimation!!

You haven't really answered the question. You've sidestepped it. You said you are definitely emotionally male. I asked you to define emotionally male. You didn't do that.

[RatUnholyRolyPoly]

donquixotedelamancha there was an "I'm a lesbian, AMA" a while a go and it was great! Why wouldn't we have "I'm a gay man"? Only 2% of the UK population aren't heterosexual anyway, so it's hardly like having brown hair.

[donquixotedelamancha]

You'll notice conversations can be a bit of a stuck record around here sometimes EcoCleaner.

On any other thread I wouldn't have bothered with the derail, but what are we going to discuss otherwise? 'You're a man who finds other men sexually attractive? Incredible- have you been to the doctor?'

I'm enjoying the refreshing fact that this particular conversation about gender has not degenerated into repeating empty statements.

[EcoCleaner]

TinklyLittleLaugh The gender fluidity stuff does confuse me slightly. Whilst I've got a grasp on transgender and people whose feelings cause conflict between the emotional and the physical, I still feel the need to identify as one or the other, personally.

BlancheM so men can't rape other men? Cause that happens. You should have this conversation with my friend who was raped by another man in a gents toilet and now has to use a colostomy bag for the rest of his life. I get what you're saying but don't think the risk of an assault is any less by not allowing a trans person into a particular changing room or toilet etc. And lets also factor in that a post-op trans female will no longer have the equipment in which to do such a thing and statistically the changes would be even slimmer when you consider that a post-op trans female attracted to other females would be a lesbian.

[donquixotedelamancha]

donquixotedelamancha there was an "I'm a lesbian, AMA" a while a go and it was great! Why wouldn't we have "I'm a gay man"? Only 2% of the UK population aren't heterosexual anyway, so it's hardly like having brown hair.

I know- I was being flippant. I'm sure OP can cope with a little snark (if not, run from MN) I've no issue with the OP doing an AMA and wouldn't blame them at all for ignoring the derail- but honestly I think it's more interesting than the main convo.

[MadamBatty]

Yep of course people can choose to live as their preferred gender. & fair play to them. They can even have surgery to resemble the oppososote sex . They cannot however change sex. Females have xx chromosome. Males have Xy.


Science cannot change this.

[titchy]

That's a tragedy that your friend was raped - I am sorry.

Women are still statistically far more likely to be raped than men.

And the vast majority of transwomen have no surgery or hormones.

[PerverseConverse]

How exactly are people with penises, women?

And can you clarify what you mean by you might be attracted to a trans man but it depends on their transition point? Do you mean if they still had breasts and a vagina you wouldn't be interested regardless of any emotional connection and initial attraction?

[EcoCleaner]

RatUnholyRolyPoly that's a good question re: career development. No, I don't think my sexuality has held me back. But I still think we have a long way to go in the working world for equality across the board, and that goes for gender pay equality as well as it does minority groups, be it sexuality, ethnicity or gender.

We do have to be careful when chosing holiday destinations, yes. And chosing hotels. We've booked places that have come recommended to use from other same sex couples.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Eco most people's objections aren't to trans people, but to predatory people who will pretend to be trans to gain access to women's spaces.

I'm really sorry that your friend was raped, that is a terrible thing. But statistically women are far more likely to be raped.

Women already live their lives in a state of unconscious ongoing danger assessments of their surroundings: better not go down that deserted footpath, better not go in that empty train carriage with just a couple couple of blokes, better not lean in to give directions to that vandriver that has stopped. I guess as a gay man, you can relate to that more than most men. Can you not see why we would be protective of our safe spaces?

[sadsacker]

Seems as tho this has turned into a trans thread and I only came on for tips on how to give a reeeeeeally good blowjob. Ah well.

[BlancheM]

Eco of course men can rape other men, in very sorry to hear what happened to your friend. But you're deluded if you believe the male on female rape isn't much more common place. I don't think I know many women who haven't been sexually assaulted or abused in some way at the hands of men and that's without taking into account the instances I don't know about.
Of course the risk of assault is lower if you stop transwomen from sharing toilets or changing rooms with women- the risk doesn't exist in that case. Many men will abuse the fact they could have access to these female spaces, in order to either get a kick, use women as unconsenting props in their fantasies/fetishes, rape or molest.
Many male to female trans people do keep their penises as well.

[slithytove]

Op - do you know that gender isn’t sex?