I am the mother of a trans child ...AMA

[DoryNow]

But no bun fights please, I am not a trans activist.

Just to add, being promiscuous and female or enjoying sex while being female were also considered mental health disorders (often caused by reading books or being education beyond what the female brain could cope with).

Thanks this is really interesting. Do you have other children? How have they coped with it? I don’t know if they were son/daughter but did you feel a pang of sadness about the prospect of losing a son/daughter or does it not matter how they present because they are the same person? Sorry, hope that makes sense!

@DoryNow thank you! I shall read when I get everyone into bed.

Thanks for posting and being so open. It really is insightful. I think you are doing tremendously, raising awareness for your child.

booboostwo thank you that means a lot. It has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do- & feel free to butt in, you have saved me saying the same but put far more eloquently!

Wildboar not offended in the slightest, I have developed a thick skin! But actually honest curiosity like this I really don't mind, that's why I did this to answer those sort of questions, these threads usually get shot down by other arguments /discussions so its nice to have a simple discussion on my level. I get tied in knots on some of the feminist threads !

To answer your next question, puberty was when the dysphoria really kicked in as the physical signs of the dreaded sex became more obvious and the self hatred all consuming. After stumbling on you-tube clips of young trans men & women talking about how they felt he had a lightbulb moment and then came out, first to his sister (who has been an incredible support to us both) then me.

Snuggybuggy yes some physical characteristics are always there, but the hormone treatments do change the body shape quite a bit & for trans men working out once on testosterone can really help. Transwomen can do a lot to change their shape too although they can't hide the height or adams apple so easily. Not such a disadvantage these days with girls naturally being taller anyway. There are loads of different plastic surgical techniques now too that help feminise a face, or make up lessons that can give confidence.
You are right it can be difficult to cope wth for some.

Nutkins24 I have an older daughter,who has been a rock- but yes one of the hardest things was adjusting to the crippling sense of loss. I gave birth to a daughter but now I have a son. I always thought that trans folks were brave & admired them for making such huge steps to be happy and their true selves. (still do obv)

When faced with my child maybe gay, making that choice I went into a complete denial, it was only a phase, I was so confused at the conflict of my head and my emotions, I was on autopilot fo months.

Trans families can go through all the stages of bereavement really, but then have guilt on top as they still have their child, just not in the form you had first envisaged. I found it was easiest just to take each day at a time, then each week, then a month would go past without tears. I still have my funny, cheeky clever child, that I adore but now he is 6ft tall & I fit under HIS chin!

( His sister says he's just the same PITA as ever just hairier )

Sorry this is really personal OP but can I ask do you feel “female” inside? Did you understand what your dc meant by feeling male or not female?
(I ask because I’m not very feminine at all and was/am a “tomboy” but I don’t hate my body/sex either and have no idea what feeling male or female means).

What is the process of transitioning? Do they get prescribed hormones?

Also did they ever say I’m a boy growing up? WAs there any indication pre puberty?

When you say you have a son what do you mean?

Don't take this the wrong way but I never really got it. What was the point in a physical transition? I mean if your son's body can't do the things that make bodies can do does it really matter to him how it looks? Would you say it's improved his quality of life as mych/more than social transition? Are you worried that he will come to regret what he has done to his body? And also, how did older members of your family deal with the transition?

In the grand scheme of things thus is probably a very minor detail, but do you like your son's new name? Is it a name you would have considered for your child?

Do you feel like you have been asked to rewrite your families history?

Also to piggyback on the name question (ignore if it's too identifying, it might be!). Is your sons chosen name in any way similar to his birth name? Same initial, or something like a Samantha becoming Samuel? Or is it more of a completely clean break?

How did he choose it, do you know?

Do you believe that your child has changed sex, or do you believe that they have changed their presentation, or something else?

museumum I am me, as you are you & I am comfortable with the body I have (well as comfortable as a post menopausal falling apart woman ever is!!) I don't consider myself particularly feminine either but its not just male /female, its the overwhelming feeling of not being your true self in the body you have, as I understand it.

But regardless of if we understand it or not we can still support our children in exploring (slowly & carefully) what that will entail.

Wildboar Yes after being referred to a gender clinic or specialist, there is aquite a long period of assessment both physical & psychological before being started on hormones. Sadly it was too late for blockers, but testosterone was started.

Also , no no signs growing up there was anything amiss, I thought he night be gay but was waiting to have that conversation. I would have loved him to be "only" gay.

Anitgonads not sure what you are getting at, I have a son.

Racecardriver no I didn't get it either, still don't to a certain extent but that doesn't matter, my role was to provide loving unconditional support to my child.

Anotherday we had a fun session looking at various names, trying to choose one not in the family already for fear of upsetting anyone (more than we had already) and the one he cose really suited him & still does.

Ironically on researching our family trees recently I found I have that name way back, in a great uncle I never knew I had (sadly died very young) so it is nice to have that connection!

Snuggy somewhat, it is hard when I meet people who knew us before & ask after "the girls" . Initially it would floor me having to explain, but now I quickly judge if i will ever meet them again & just change the subject or tell them depending on how I think they will react. In the early days getting my head around future expectations, being walked down the aisle by dad or having babies, (neither of which may neccesarily have happened but....) was difficult but we will have other wonderful milestones as life unfolds.

Raven hope the above answers your question. Nothing like his birth name.

Assassinated I believe he has become who he truly wanted to be, & is happy so that's enough for me.

Do you worry about their future prospects of finding a partner (if they want one), and any issues that might arise around that?

When faced with my child maybe gay, making that choice I went into a complete denial, it was only a phase, I was so confused at the conflict of my head and my emotions, I was on autopilot fo months

Are you saying that you would have found having a lesbian daughter hard to accept?

Yes thank you for answering - that's a lovely connection for him to have, knowing that the name is in the family tree already.

Did you find that the school and friends were supportive? I know of a trans teen in my area whose school has been very good to them - all girls school but allowed him to remain, wore adapted uniform and they were very supportive in general. The other kids don't seem phased at all by it.

ooops slowly no ,,,sorry that should have read trans!!!

Has he had his eggs frozen or will he now not be able to have a biological child, and how does that make you feel? And obviously at 21 he may not be thinking about having kids but do you think he will pursue alternative ways of having a child in the future?

Assassinated yes of course, doesn't evey mother worry about their childs future partner?!

It is something we have discussed & I trust him to do what's right for him. I do worry about the timing of coming out to a new partner (as does he) Tell them too early & it might frighten them off. Tell them later & be accused of lying or falsely leading them on. Hopefully someone will learn to love him for the lovely person he is.
I have to say every time he goes out for the night - the ones I know about, I worry.
But he is independant (as he should be) & looks out for himself. He also has a good cohort of old chums who have been with him throughout & have his back.

Raven yes very supportive, we have been luck really. He went on to college & then Uni & no one batted an eyelid.

When growing up did you encourage your child to stick to gender stereotypes?

What would you think if your child wanted to detransition?

If there were no such thing as stereotypes, do you think your child still would have wanted to transition?

Gaaaah excuse typos folks I have some sticky keys on my lappy!!