I’m in an open marriage AMA

[TigersEyes]

Or not! But if you have any questions, I’m happy to answer.

What's the poly community like? Do you tend to have ongoing relationships with other people or is it more casual/short term?

It's interesting some responses on here seem almost angry. If everyone involved knows the deal I can't see the problem

Is it purely about sex? Or actual emotional relationships?

How long has your marriage been open for?
Have you met the woman he’s in love with?

@lowpainthreshold, it was me. And yes, we now know loads of couples but didn’t when I first suggested it. It’s been a real journey, to adopt a cliche.

Are the additional relationships always "secondary"?

If so, do you not feel that's is unfair on the additional people?

Why did you decide to stay together rather than leaving to have different relationships?

Is it a turn on knowing that he's been with other women or for him knowing you have been with other men?

@racecardriver, I date within the poly community. But if I met someone outside of it, I wouldn’t dream of being dishonest. That’s not fair on them at all.

So your dh is in love with someone else. How is this ever okay?
Genuinely what is the meaning of your marriage if it is not commitment and security?
Do you not simply feel totally used?
When he is with her, holding her loving her how can you bear it?

Yes you can sleep with other men, be desired maybe loved even, but if you are in love with your dh it is all insignificant no?

He had an affair and the open marriage is the way to keep him? Or vica versa?

Completely respect your decision and glad it works for you.

I would'nt consider such a set up as a working marriage however, more of two people who are in a relationship of sorts and happen to be legally married if that makes sense?
but only in the sense that the majority of couples consider marriage to be and mean something different.

I do feel though if you're relationship is at the point where something isn't working and you're relationship is near ending (or making you unhappy) but you both do not want to separate fully then why not, good for you two.

@fuckedoffat48b, I have dated married people and unmarried people. I guess that yes, it might be unfair that I’m going to place my husband and family first. I know other people who wouldn’t dream of hierarchical relationships. But when people date me, they know what they’re getting.

You say your DH is in love with someone else. How do you feel about that? Is there any part of you that wishes he wasn't, and you were the only person he loved?

How would you feel if the person he loves falls pregnant? I assume contraception is used. However, I have 3 children who prove it is not 100%.

Oh another one, do you both get tested for STIs?

How many people do you have relationships with at once?

I am not judging in anyway, I do understand why people say it makes a mockery out of marriage and vows etc. But if you wanted to be pedantic, so does divorce. So no judgement here!

Sorry if this is vulgar but really curious. Do you ever share sexual partners? X

Just to answer a couple of people, it’s about both sex and emotional connections. I’ve had very casual and i’ve been in love.

You have kids by the sound of it. What do they know about it all

Does your family/ children know you are in an open marriage? What do they think of it?x

Do you have children band are they aware you have an open marriage?

I completely hear what people are saying about me making a mockery of my wedding vows. Like I say, this isn’t for everyone and I won’t pretend it is. But for me and my DH, we are closer than we ever have been. I can’t prove that on here but it’s true.

And no, neither of us had an affair.

I think you have a huge problem op. You are not on board with this at all.
You don’t sound remotely convinced and sound in pain. At best.
Separate and find a man that truly loves you and needs no one but you.
Your dh is a total shit playing you all

@Dcam06, I think it’s a natural question and yes, we have done in the past.

You are not closer than you ever were, he is in love with another woman 😬

Our children know, yes.

What do they think

How do you maintain good mental and physical health (sti)
How do you meet other partners?organised meet ups or casual hook ups?

@mineisarossini, I genuinely have no idea at all what you’re reading in my posts! I am not in pain and we are closer than ever before. My DH is about as far from being a shit as a person can be and you are very rude to say otherwise. I get this isn’t for you, but monogamy isn’t for me and I wouldn’t dream of being so insulting.

It's not for you that's fine but to tell others how they live their lives is wrong when they both decide it is fairly pathetic.

That's aimed at posters who think it's ok to tell you how to hold your marriage.