Trigger warning - I've had 4 terminations for non-medical reasons AMA

[Schnorkmaiden]

I'd like to explain the reason why I did and hope that people won't be too cruel but either way - I do know the reasons I did were right for me at the time.

I appreciate your thoughts and trying to share but this may be the wrong place

Why did you do it?

Could you tell us about your reasons?

Hi MsJolly - I disagree - There is such a stigma around termination when not for medical reasons. This is AMA and some of these are uncomfortable. I'm well aware that I may get negative responses but would like to put my story across. It's such a taboo.

How could you let yourself get pregnant four times by accident?

Hi op

How far apart were they?

Have you heard of contraception?

Has he heard of contraception as well??scolotti

Isn’t contraception easier?

I didn't ask if she'd heard of contraception @SavannahSky

People are very judgmental! Non medical could be many things. Don’t judge.

Littlechocola Tue 31-Jul-18 23:59:25
Why did you do it?

Have a termination? Because the first time I was aged 17 and in an abusive relationship - the father was in prison for breaking my jaw and I was terrified that keeping the baby would have me tied to him for life. I named him Darryl and still speak to him on his due date each year.

Add message | Report | Message poster NanFlanders Tue 31-Jul-18 23:59:37
Could you tell us about your reasons? The first termination I hope I've explained above - the second termination was when ex-partner came out of prison and raped me - I felt nothing but repulsion for what was growing inside me even though now I feel differently.

scolotti Wed 01-Aug-18 00:02:29
How could you let yourself get pregnant four times by accident?
Not all four times were accidental although I admit the first and second were (second not by choice) First I was 17 and stupid - didn't think it would happen to me.

Sorry to hear that op. I asked my question as I've had one termination and it was the most awful experience. I could never let myself go through it again. Mine was through negligence and thinking it would never happen to me. Yours is a different story.

I’m so sorry for you op

There should not be any issue with talking about abortion. Thanks for posting this, @Schnorkmaiden. I'm glad you were able to access the medical treatment that you needed at those times.

*SavannahSky Wed 01-Aug-18 00:02:48
Hi op

How far apart were they?*

The first two were a couple of years apart.

Add message | Report | Message poster Fucksgiven Wed 01-Aug-18 00:02:59
Have you heard of contraception
I had yes, I was 17 and naive and thought it could'nt happen to me.

I have had 3 children, 2 terminations for non-medical reasons (plus an early miscarriage in an unwanted pregnancy) within 6 years and am still astonished by the stigma around it.

My husband and I happen to be extremely fertile. My 2nd and 3rd child got through the morning after pill. Hormonal contraception turns me into a raving lunatic and so we used condoms and then fertility tracking for 2 years - which the doctor pointed out to me; did work, or I would have fallen PG every month.

I completely empathise with the heartbreak for those who can't have children. But being very fertile and falling pregnant at the drop of a hat completely takes any control away from you and can be very stressful.

I absolutely don't regret my terminations as I know they were for the right reasons but they are stressful and do leave a lasting sadness that I wish I could have continued the pregnancies.

Do you feel like that at all?

I've had 3 terminations
I've never felt sadness or regret.
Why are women expected to feel those emotions?!
I'm not a heartless selfish person
I was thinking of my born children and my mental health

*absolutely don't regret my terminations as I know they were for the right reasons but they are stressful and do leave a lasting sadness that I wish I could have continued the pregnancies.

Do you feel like that at all?*

In all honesty the only one I do regret heart wise is Darryl - I absolutely know that if I'd continued with the pregnancy I wouldn't be alive today as my ex-partner would have had a 'hold' on me and ultimately killed me. He could not accept me leaving him.

My third termination I was a single parent who had a one night stand and the condom ripped - There was no way as single parent to one child I could cope with another. My parents had hugely helped with childcare for my first child - they are to old now and I couldnt afford childcare on one wage.

Fourth termination was my worst - I've been with my (foreign) partner for 4 years now and he's desperate for a child - I'm in my 40's now and not prepared to take the risk of having a disabled child - I'm sorry this will offend people but it's how I feel - I was on the Depo but delayed my appointment for renewal due to work commitments - I'm not prepared to move over to him and he has businesses over there where he can't move here. I didn't tell him I was pregnant. And yes it eats away each day.

I don't really understand why you would start this thread.

Sorry you’re feeling so shitOp.

I had an abortion early this year but it doesn’t bother me at all. Just take peace in the fact that they were for the right reasons.

Ok. I am very very pro choice, so my questions are not trying to be judgemental, but more curious.

The first and second terminations are very difficult situations.

The third - could you not get the MAP?

The fourth - why are you not using contraception properly at this point? Why are you letting it slide when you so obviously don't want to get pregnant?

Thank you for starting this thread op. I had a termination i n similar circumstances to your Darryl, I still have the scan photo and acknowledge babies due date every year quietly to myself. It's a strange comfort to know someone else has come through similar, and I hope your life is now as improved and happy as mine is xx

And fwiw we did the right thing x