I’m morbidly obese 26 stone AMA

[Mumsyoftwo09]

Such a hot topic at the moment with fat shaming etc.
Ask me anything

[Namechange128]

You sound like a lovely person and not lacking in willpower or strength - to raise kids as a working single mum takes a lot of both!

What you are describing, however, does meet the criteria for an eating disorder. For some people that's really scary but for others it can be the start of getting the help you need - because while people have given lots of great tips here about healthy meals, it sounds like you already know that, but the issue is the night time bingeing, and that is emotional and not about needing tips on cooking without oil.

There are some great books about this - one that might ring true to you, as a carer and a 'coper' is 'The Good Girl's Drug' - you are not alone in this.

If you go to the gp and get referred to a bariatric team you will get mental and emotional support - yes, they will want to discuss an operation, but in the end you are in charge of that (and in any case they'd want to address your approach to food first). While it's great to make your own changes, and also to embrace how you are at any size, I'd really urge you to find and talk to a sympathetic doctor, you deserve to be healthy (at whatever size works for you) and not feel out of control around food.

[notanurse2017]

Mumsy I have just come on here to say that you have obviously achieved so much in your life. I hope that this thread is being useful to you.

I'm older than you and I have over the last 19 months lost nearly 6 1/2 stone. I still have more to lose to have a healthy BMI. I recently had a health scare, and I keep thinking about how much more poorly I would be if I were still at my fatest. I don't say this to upset you but as a fact.

I wish you all the best. Keep posting here if it helps or look at some of weight loss threads - I've been on one since I started losing weight and it's full of lovely posters who started needing to lose a lot of weight - 100 lbs plus.

[B1rdonawire]

Just reading your list of all the challenges you've overcome, reminded me that there's a growing understanding that raised stress hormone cortisol leads to sugar cravings. When you have been through something traumatic (you mentioned domestic violence) your cortisol levels get used to being raised and they don't go back down all the way to normal even after the trauma is over. We see this often in children who have experienced neglect and trauma, that they physically cannot control their sugar cravings. It is possible to overcome it, but I thought it might be helpful to just mention it. You may not actively feel stressed, but anything you can do to increase relaxation (mindfulness, walking, listening to meditations, yoga stretches...) may well help your cortisol levels, and so reduce some of your cravings. Good luck!

[CointreauVersial]

Do you always have sweets/chocolate/biscuits in the house? What if you stop buying them, so there is nothing available to binge on in the evening?

By the way, this thread, and the advice you are receiving, is heart-warming. I really believe it's the first step to making some serious changes to your lifestyle.

[CrabbityRabbit]

I have had a gastric sleeve done 5 and a half months ago. I am almost 100lbs down from my starting weight of 19.5 stone. I should be at my target weight before Christmas.

It has been the best thing I ever did. Its not easy, especially right after the op but the best thing it does is take the option of bingeing away. I then have the freedom to make good food choices. I can eat so little that I worry about my macros and just can't justify the stomach space on junk that won't nourish me.

Feel free to PM me OP if you ever want to discuss it.

[TooExtraImmatureCheddar]

OP, have you heard of the No S Diet? Essentially, it is no snacks, sweets or seconds, except for on days that begin with an S. So you have 3 meals a day, of anything, can be pizza or McDonald’s or takeaway, but you don’t eat between them. You stick to what you can fit onto one dinner plate. Then at weekends you can relax.

I’ve tried it on and off, and although I’m yet to see much success, I am learning more about normal non-disordered eating every time I try it. The reason I am not losing much weight is because I’m a short woman (5’2”) with only a couple of stone to lose, so 3 meals a day can easily take me above the recommended calorie allowance! I’m having to teach myself portion sizes for short women, which is time-consuming. It is not meant to be a quick fix, though, and it is really sensible. Just to clarify, obviously I’m not recommending you eat nothing but junk on it! It helps to break the snacking cycle, though.

[Thesearepearls]

This might be coming out of left field, but have you thought of getting a dog? Thing is apart from dogs being brilliant for children, they’re also brilliant for you. You have to get up early to walk the dog (and go to bed earlier) but then you have to do the evening walk, which means less snacking. Plus it’s brilliant. And you meet loads of dog-walkers.

[Mumsyoftwo09]

Name change - thank you. I never thought of asking for a referral to the bariatric team unless I wanted surgery. But I guess they are the right people to be speaking with about the emotional side of the eating. Thank you.

Notanurse - wow that’s amazing! 6.5 stone is nearly a person lost!
I think I have seen that thread before so I shall have another look.
Yes health scares are an eye opener. I need an operation for something else that is quite minor and unrelated to weight and the reason I won’t have it done is that I’m pretty sure at this weight the complications would be higher than the need for the minor procedure.

B1 - thank you for this. I didn’t have a clue about any of that so I am going to have a google at the research and read up on it. There’s been a few traumatic events that although I think I’ve dealt with and moved on from, they may lurk in the background.

Coin - no not always. If I don’t have the crap in I find that I will make 4 slices of toast with butter or a couple of huge bowls of cereal. It’s not necessary an addiction to the choc/crisps etc but more to binge eating anything in the evenings.
It’s been so lovely reading the replies and so inspiring how well others have done when they’ve been similar to me at the start.

Crab - 100lbs in this year alone???? That’s amazing?! Did you have private or NHS? Only reason I ask is did you have a choice between a bypass or a sleeve or did the NHS decide which one.
What was recovery like after the operation? I worry about being a single mum with little ones and being off my feet or not able to look after them.

Tooex- never heard of that! If it works for people then great. My only concern would be that I just moved the timings of my mega binges to a meal time. So wouldn’t actually consume less food. At the moment I do eat healthy evenings meals with my kids, plenty of veg or salad. Just the dark witching hours that are the issue! Ha

These - ahh you know I asked my letting agent/landlord for permission for a dog 3yr ago after my youngest was born. I felt it would help me mood wise too at the time with PND. Anyway we got a flat no as the answer. No dogs or cats but they would allow a rabbit in the garden or a goldfish
So yes it’s a lovely idea and one I would do if I was allowed!

Didn’t have the best of eating days yesterday but instead of wallowing in binging self pity I didn’t eat last night. So a poorer day food choice wise but no binging.
This mountain I am climbing.... I shall get to the top!

to all of you. Have a great day

[madmomma]

Great thread, lovely OP. Am rooting for you mumsy. Dh and I are at the start of our weight-loss journey too and I'm praying we can stick with it.

[HollowTalk]

I wondered whether your problem's rooted in loneliness, OP. You're on your own every evening and binge. If a friend came round and you had a good chat and a laugh, would you still want to be eating while you were doing it? If she stayed over would you go down and make yourself something when she was asleep, or would you feel satisfied and not bother?

[Mumsyoftwo09]

Madmomma - thank you! Good luck to your and your Oh. Think of that amazing buzz at the end of it.

Hollow - it’s interesting you’ve asked those questions. If anyone ever asked me if I ever got lonely I would laugh. I don’t ‘feel’ lonely, I love the peaceful me time at the end of a day when the kids go to bed. I would NOT for a billion £ want a partner there every night who I had to make conversation with or share the remote with
However to answer your questions... if a friend came round then no I wouldn’t binge. And no I certainly wouldn’t go down once she was asleep to get food.

This will be night 4 with no binging in the evenings. We are up at 5.30am to go on a day out and a big drive ahead so I certainly won’t be snacking tonight! This is starting to feel a bit more achievable now. Just got to make sure I don’t just move the junk food binges to earlier in the day! For one I don’t ever want my kids to see me doing it and think it’s normal. Last thing I want to do is pass on abnormal eating habits to them

[Oldowl]

Are you weighing yourself, Mumsy? I bet 4 nights of not binging is showing already on the scales.

If you start to binge, go to bed. One bar of chocolate is better than 5.

We are all rooting for you. xx

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

My only question is why are you so conv Need you have no willpower ? You
Sound intelligent and eloquent

But why do you think making a change is impossible ?

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

Convinced I meant to say

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

I ask (sorry you will get the stories ) as I NEVER a thought I could stop
The fags
The booze
The over eating

And it was prolonged back pain , vanity and a couple of deaths that made me change

I think one small triumph (fags) showed me actually I can !

Just believe in yourself / cheesy as fuck I know

As honestly binning the fags was the hardest

[TooExtraImmatureCheddar]

Yay for you with no binging! Go for it!

[CrabbityRabbit]

I went private as I couldn't be arsed jumping through all the NHS hoops. I think my issues were just liking food too much and not knowing when to stop so didn't really need the psychological support that many do. It can be common for instance to develop another addiction after surgery if issues are left undealt with but I don't think that will be a risk for me.

My BMI was 48 which is well within NICE guidelines for funding but with the cutbacks I would have been very unlikely to get approved unless I was bigger or had comorbidities. I am healthy in general and only late twenties.

The surgery cost £7,995 with a £150 initial consultation fee. That covered everything including all my follow up appointments with the surgeon and dietician.

I recovered well. Spent two nights in but could have gone home after one probably. Was a bit sore like had been kicked in the stomach for about a week. Just moved slowly and pressed a cushion against my stomach when bending or sitting down/getting up. Went back to the office after two weeks and could have done it in a week and a half.

I went to the gym after 2 months and go 3-5 times a week. I am a great deal fitter than I was and exercise has certainly helped. I have lost more weight than average and the surgeon was very pleased. I put this down to exercise and being relatively young.

[CrabbityRabbit]

And well done on not bingeing!

Eating a fuckton of chocolate was my biggest downfall. I could easily eat 2000+ extra calories of chocolate in the evening after a days OKish (not great) eating.

Now I try and avoid sugar generally but will have some occasionally. I have found that eating too much chocolate or ice cream makes me feel sick. I can't have more than one scoop without feeling rough. Enough to put me off having it regularly!

[Oldowl]

How's it going, Mumsy?

[P00ka]

Hope you feel that you're making headway, figuring it out.

[crayoladreamz]

I’ve just read this whole thread start to finish.

OP you are amazing! 4 nights without binging? That’s bloody brilliant from a standing start. Even if you’ve fallen off the wagon or anything since then, just shows you can do it!

Going to bed early is genius. I am going to steal that idea as my weakness is the evenings too. Brushing our teeth helps too as it stops you wanting food

Please don’t stop posting!

[PineappleFace]

This is a great thread. You have been very honest with your answers.

My question is - do you worry about your DC becoming overweight as they get older? This is my biggest fear with my 4yo dd (she's a healthy weight at the moment, eats well and very active). Everyone in my family is overweight apart from my Dad, and I am overweight too but the lightest in my family. Not hugely (I am 12.5st and a size 14/16) but I have been bigger in the past (largest was 16st). I've always been overweight since being a teenager and I've been 'on a diet' or thinking about dieting for the past 12 years at least. I do not want this for my dd but I have an unhealthy relationship with food and I really worry that she will take after me and also become overweight when she's older. Is this something you fear too?

[Mumsyoftwo09]

Can’t weigh myself just yet as the only scales I have go up to 23st 8lbs exactly. So Iv a way to go before can monitor weight at home.
When I next pass boots or similar I shall pop in though.

Stop - I have quit fags and drinking myself so I know addictions can be overcome. I smoked 15 a day from mid teens to having my 1st baby at 26. I had one fag to get over the two blue lines shock and then never touched another since. That was nearly 10yr ago.
Booze I was a classic binge drinker. Thursday - Sunday party party. Once I became a single mum I drank occasionally as knew I needed to be there for the kids etc. When I started on medication for PND 2yr ago I have never touched another drop since.

I think it has a lot to do with the fact I can avoid alcohol and fags. I can’t avoid food.

Well done to you for overcoming all those issues, sometimes it takes something big to make something inside you snap and change.

Crabbity - that’s excellent money well spent by the sounds of it.
Brilliant how quick you recovered too, thanks for your answers it is something I think I do need to sit down and think about.
Would never be able to afford private but think the NHS would probably fund me at this size.

Oldowl - it’s going ok thank you! This is night seven since starting the thread and Iv binged once. I felt so ill too! Like proper sugar and salt overload. Sounds weird but other than that one night I have slept so amazingly well every night so that the first difference Iv noticed. I haven’t slept all night without waking a few times for years and this week have done ✅

Sarah - wow your brother has done amazing! That’s like two people lost. Was it like a heart disease/cardio diet from the hospital he followed? Yes I would definitely accept medical intervention now, just not sure how invasive. There comes a point where it would be stupid to not accept all help offered. I feel like Iv made a massive start tackling the binge monster stuff in the evenings so next to tackle is too get some weight off and then look at increasing fitness.

Crayola - thank you. So many good tips on this thread! Brushing teeth is good. I find it stops me wanting to eat if Iv brushes my teeth with minty strong toothpaste.

Pineapple - absolutely. It’s one of my biggest fears that I will somehow pass dysfunctional habits onto the kids.
I am the only overweight or obese member of my family but similar to you have children who eat healthy and are active. Im very aware the eldest who’s 9 is coming to an age where they can tail off on activity and puberty hits and they can gain weight.
Ironically I’m obsessed with their diet. Make sure they have 5-7 portions of F & V a day, plenty of calcium, enough fluid. Don’t reward or punish using food and if they are full never insist on them finishing every morsel on their plate.
I know they are two big things from my childhood. We had to finish our food regardless of when we were full. And we got bigger nicer meals for good behaviour.

I always think if only I treated my own body with the same respect and care I have for my children’s bodies then I would be so healthy!

[TheNavigator]

My Zumba teacher had lost 8.5 stone (which is more than I weigh) she is amazing, so positive & full of energy. It doesn't matter how you got there, you can change your stars. Good luck.