And here's a story as to how you make a choice in life
I knew I wasnt happy - I was going to say in my marriage but that would be an easy copout - but at the time that's what I thought it was but deep down it was me that wasn't happy - I had all the material trappings of a very good life yet still felt lonely - this would hit when in a 5 star luxury holiday resort - so all the day to day activity that kept you busy kept you distracted wasn't there - and I noticed a lack of connection with my DH at the time. Not just once but several holidays.
I asked myself a question is this where middle aged women turn to younger men for a bit of attention - see the cliche can work the other way round too - if so I could pretty much understand why this could happen - had someone caught me at this time who knows what I would have done!
But in an attempt to boost myself I turned to dancing something that I had always loved - I've always wanted to learn salsa/Ceroc and so I asked my DH if he would come with me - he wouldn't He was too busy with his business.
So eventually I went with a girlfriend - I was too scared to go on my own at this time - but despite finally having the opportunity to learn something that I had wanted to do for a long time - I felt uncomfortable - I felt uncomfortable dancing with men that were not my husband - I knew I was vulnerable and I could have been easy prey - I asked DH again if he would go with me he said no. So I stopped going - I then found Zumba - this gave me the thrill I needed without the danger and I use the word danger because I reckon you give off something when you are like this even though you may not know it _ and the men there could probably spot it a mile off - all they needed to do was give you a bit of encouragement here a well done there and suddenly you would be putty in their hands!
I believe my DH was going through something similar - this mid life crisis is only a crisis when you follow the cliche - the unsettlement we feel is an opportunity to look at ourselves and work out where we go next? Except most people ( mostly men) think this unsettlement is something that needs fixing on the outside so they look to see what can be responsible for this feeling - the easy target is the wife - the wife who is busy with kids, the wife who is doing too much, the wife who is feeling exactly the bloody same as her DH and struggling with her own identity so unable to pander to his ego! The wife who has got older, the wife who is no longer the pretty young thing and BTW I'm not italien!
And then comes along a pretty young thing ( not really but we are talking cliches here) who has lost her job and so has her DH ( both worked for same company) and they are desperate because they have two kids! They happen to work in the same industry as my DH who is pretty much top of his game - they approach him for some help - can he do some professional training for them!
I remember this because he talked to me about it - but at the time he was too busy trying to keep on top of the workload he already had! They were desperate they were prepared to pay but he was still too busy - so then came another opportunity she could perhaps come and work for him - she flattered his ego which was beginning to wain as it does in mid life!
And then his dm died - totally knocked him as I knew it would - I took his burying himself in his work as his way of dealing with grief - that he needed to work through it in his own way - gave him the space to do this - what I did not know is her DF had died and she used this as a way of getting him to talk- and that's how they became close - the emotional affair - now you may think I would not have understood but you see I did - I had lost my own dm!
Had this OW any self respect she would have backed off knowing he was married but no the lure of our lifestyle, the lure of bagging a head honcho when her own DH was unable to provide financially was too much! As I say the death of his DM was a catalyst!
But she showed her true colours pretty early on he was wavering and back here - so what did she do - she threatened me with the police for so called harrassment for looking at her linked in profile and him for not keeping his wife in check as a director of the company she worked for!
This can only come from a place of weakness and yes it is evil - making a decision to threaten someone into losing something they hold dear - not me by the way but the business! An evil decision!
And so the rest is on MN
I don't really need you to answer my questions - I already know your answers - not the version you give out on here but the version you cannot admit to but is also human - but it depends which side of the spectrum you are on and despite what you think yours ain't love! So all your reasons for doing what you did have nothing to do with love ?
I guess the only one I'm interested in is what was your relationship like with your own father - I suspect not that great that's why you have gone for the older man - a sugar daddy? See life is full of cliches - because you know what the same patterns repeat over and over and over again!
If we got what we are supposed to live life by we would not see these repeating patterns -in your case yours are negative because this is how you chose to live your life - there are positive cliches too for those that live this way!
I'm intrigued as to where you are on the internet - have you gone looking elsewhere to get your ego bolstered as you failed miserably on here - that really show how desperate you are!
Do yourself a favour remove yourself from this man - get out now and you are young enough and still a looker to find your own man- let your dsd go back to her mother who is the only person that will ever have her best interests at heart again despite what you say - if you don't believe this find the thread where the SM has kicked off for not being included in her DSd wedding - a whole ugly can of worms exploding here - all because the SM feels entitled for loving the dsd as her own for a long time!
You have been giving a warning here - not by the ex wives club but by the universe - see we are not stupid enough to think this is within our control but there are a hell of a lot of men out there who believe they can do this - I expect your DH is one of them!
Good luck and actually I surprise myself here because I mean this as sincerely as I can given the circumstances! I would love to hear that you took on board some of what has been said to you - you garnered together some self respect and got out now - better late than never - rather than read on here a bit further down the line that you are another victim, that your world has been turned upside down and you are struggling to keep it together and more to the point your kids world has been torn apart.
Do this right and they can come out unaffected by this and they are still young - but hang on in there for your own ego - to prove us all wrong - well the odds are already stacked against you!