Was the OW now the DW - AMA

[Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit]

I was the OW now the DW so AMA if you’re interested.

DaisyTwirl yea ex was army. But actually affair was on bloody doorstep! And yes - so so many cliches.

"As for OP banging on about 'bitter' ex-wives - that's yet another naive cliche..." It is. 'My' ow used to have a touch of that for a while, now she thinks I'm stronger than her cos I wouldn't tolerate it, whereas she is. I pity her, she was very naive, very inexperienced in relationships. I don't believe she had any clue what she was getting into.

I didn't realise being beautiful and in shape would affair-proof your marriage. Obviously, Beyonce and Halle Berry are ugly and Hollywood marriages are the safest in the world!

AynRand quite! Jennifer aniston, Eva longoria, Sandra bullock, Christie Brinkley, Reese Witherspoon...

I was about to say it's clearly because they're all such utter dogs, but then I realised...it's because none of them are half Italian. Eva Longoria looks as though she could be, but I just looked it up (don't say I don't do anything for you) and her heritage is Mexican. So maybe Spanish, if you go back a bit. But not Italian. So there you go!

So if you are half Italian you husband won't leave you ??

MNHQ
So you want us to be all nice and friendly to cheaters. Right.

OP

You didn't answer my questions:
how do you know he had only one affair before you?

And What sort of example are you setting for a girl you are apparently raising "like your very own" when you are married to a man who had three women (that's the number we know so far) in one marriage?

In fact, another question regarding that little girl: you are nearly two decades younger than her father. Do you wonder if she will ever come back to ask why is it usually women who are decades younger than their partners? Do you have an answer?
You are a walking, talking cliche. Trust me on this: the very fact that you believe your affair to be that amazing and unique experience, makes you that cliche. Your love is not something new. You are the norm. For cheaters. For men like your husband.

Why did you start this thread? Why be goady and fight with MN?

A lot of woman's lives have been ripped apart by affairs, why are you here OP?

A lot of woman's lives have been ripped apart by affairs, why are you here OP?
I am actually wondering why this thread is still going? Shouldn't this be deleted as it's pretty obvious how it's causing too much grief to far too many people? And the OP seems quite smugly satisfied that she is late 20s and Italian. Lol

So if you are half Italian you husband won't leave you ??

Apparently not. Who'd have thunk?

I guess we should all move to Italy to protect our marriages. Or maybe just stand on the border with one foot in France. Half Italian, remember. Full blooded Italians are presumably as fucked as the rest of us.

No I am still here I just have a life outside the Internet

Just to clarify a few things: I brought up how I look as a poster decided to make references to body confidence etc and made reference that when I hit 40 apparently I will lose my looks and body. The comment about having a personal trainer and being half Italian was meant to be sarcastic.

What is apparent is that because I am not responding in the way the ‘ex wife’ club wants me to respond the posts are becoming personal attacks. It’s very easy to make personal attacks behind the safety of your keyboard but I very much doubt any of you would ever say those things to someone in real life.

Again that says more about you than me.

Someone also said I should apologise to all of the aggrieved cheated ex wives on here. Why on earth would I, another example of how irrational some posters are.

To suggest that anyone over their 40’s is past their prime is disgusting.

@Ayn - I have already answered your question. You can choose not to be satisfied by my response but it isn’t going to change.

@green - why are you so invested in my relationship, looks or private life. You are projecting how you feel about your ex husband and how he came to leave you. You don’t know my DH or I yet act like I don’t know love. So pathetic that a stranger on an anonymous Internet forum can cause you so much anger.

@Ophelia - another one who is interpreting my replies to suit your agenda.
As before I talked about in what was supposed to be in a sarcastic way about how I don’t think I will lose by looks or body when I hit 40. Nothing to do with my husband I do it for me.
Again insulting to people who actually suffer from low self esteem. No I actually just want to look nice for me.

@Ahhthatbass - she was actually more level headed than the posters on here. She knew their marriage was over and it has ended up being pretty amicable. For example she comes to family parties still and came to our child’s christening. No she didn’t use her daughter as a pawn as we have primary custody.

@Notanother - yes our family and friends do. My parents were not very happy as they said I deserve better but they love him now and see how we are together. His parents were very supportive of him. Friends absolutely fine.

I couldn’t do anything about it in reality. I would be happy that my children were well loved and not left out.

Good. She is part of our family and always will be because of DSD.

I agree. I never said he wasn’t in the wrong but that doesn’t change how I feel about him.

@Small - exactly but the ex wife club want to believe otherwise.

@AFisto - courageous? Actually I find the responses hilarious. I find it hard to believe that an anonymous thread can get so many people worked up.

@Andro - again that was supposed to be sarcastic in response to another poster claiming that my looks and body will go when I hit 40.

Why would I leave my job if we got divorced?

Do your colleagues respect you ?
Do your in laws like you ?

You still haven't answered my questions.
What does it teach to a little girl that her father had three women in his marriage at least?
Why do you think it's nearly always women who fall for men in nearly double their age?
And how are you so sure he had only one other affair than you?

For your information, biologically, 40+ is indeed beyond prime. Both female and male bodies have evolved to be past the prime age for reproduction and sexual activity by the time they are in mid 40s.

@Ayn - I have already answered your question.

No you haven't. You told me you'd chosen to post it in AMA and not Relationships, which is not what I asked. You then told me that you had a right to post it, which is not what I asked.

I ask again: Given how emotive a topic affairs and OWs are on Mumsnet, why did you decide to start this thread?

No, I think OP is genuine. She's responding exactly the way I expected her to respond; defensive, antagonistic, insulting and even claiming to find the whole thing 'hilarious'. When you consider the subject matter and the reason why people are so upset, that is actually really incredibly hateful.

Which is why I think she started this thread (I have to assume, because she won't tell me despite it being the only question I've asked - I don't care about anything else she has to say). To be hateful. I think her relationship has now gone on long enough to have become pretty bog standard, nobody else really cares how it started any more, and so she's decided to try to relive the thrill and deviance of it by starting something she quite plainly doesn't know how to finish.

And that reliving, as she surely knew, would cause a lot of pain and anger among readers. But that's ok, it's all just 'hilarious' to her.

I don't judge the affair. I'm not of the school of thought that all affairs are evil. But for her to come on here insulting devastated ex wives, telling them that their children can't possibly be traumatised by what has happened to them, denying their experiences and then claiming to find the whole thing 'hilarious'? That, that is really shitty.

@Ophelia - yes and yes

@Santa - It’s irrelevant. My DH and his ex wife have no desire to tell her nor have I. It doesn’t change her life she is still loved by her parents as she was when they were together she just now has a step mum who also loves her.

My husband isn’t double my age. Age is irrelevant it’s about the person not the age.

Because I believe him.

Yes Santa but that doesn’t mean you are less of a person or less attractive when you are 40+.

@Ayn - I chose to start this thread. I didn’t realise I had to ask permission on an Internet forum.

OP has ignored both of my posts 😂

@Ayn - I chose to start this thread. I didn’t realise I had to ask permission on an Internet forum.

Yes, once again, I know you chose to start it and I know you had the right to. That is not what I am asking.

I am asking WHY you chose to, given that you must have known how emotive the topic is. I don't have any questions about your affair or your marriage, I don't care about them. My only question is: you must have known this topic cuts to a lot of people on here, so why did you choose to start it?

OP I would think you'd end up leaving because it's going to be very awkward when he is having an affair for another 20-something. Presumably you will be off on Mat leave with a child at this point.
Remember, as you said, it's his house so you would likely be the one moving out if you were to divorce.

You might have said those things in jest but they certainly didn't come across like that.

How did he meet his ExDW?

Do you not feel a little troubled that he could lie so easily to her in regard to at least two affairs?

Do you have any female friends?
You didn't answer my question about how you know that you and DP is so much in love than the couples you know?
Do you feel the need to post on social media about how your DP is the "best ever" followed by numerous slushy memes?

You say the friends have no issue but I really do doubt that especially if they're long term friends of DP. They'll have seen this many times over and are probably thinking that you won't be the last.

Apart from DP and your work in his business (apart from being part Italian and being the OW) what do you feel are your main accomplishments in life?

@Fatbelliedgirl - why post or read a thread if it causes you so much anger.

@Ayn - again interpreteing my replies for your own agenda. You seem overly invested in this thread and my marriage.

I do find how abusive some of the posts are hilarious. How can people get worked up over a thread on a forum.

I have already said I felt guilty about my affair but I am not going to ignore personal attacks which are being directed towards me because I am not responding in a way that you and other posters want me to.

You and the rest of the posters have double standards claiming I’m an evil, vile and morally corrupt person yet apparently it’s ok for you all to post personal attacks.

It’s really clear that posters and in particular the ones who were cheated on want to believe I’m unhappy, insecure and my marriage will fail. Life isn’t black and white some marriages work some fail regardless of how they start. Deal with it.

Hmm...maybe your in laws do like you , I'm prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt on that one but , your colleagues respecting you ? I would say that they think you're a bit of a joke really , not only because you married the office letch but also because , if this thread is anything to go by, you come across as a deluded, vain , silly person with low self esteem.

So your answers to my questions are,

• you wouldn't tell her this information? you can't say this about her mother and a lot of other people around her. She WILL find out so that is irrelevant whether you wish to tell her or not. However, it's quite interesting how you won't tell such an important person in your life about how you found the love of your life (who happens to be her father too, so even more important). Doesn't that say a lot about how you actually feel about all this?

I didn't ask whether age of men be women in such circumstances is irrelevant to you or not. I specifically asked what do you think is the reason that it's mainly women who fall for men nearly double their age (if he is mid 40s and you are late 20s, he could nearly be your father).

It may not be important to you but that is not what you said upthread. You said to another poster that you think it's awful to call someone beyond their prime in mid 40s. Now you are saying the exact opposite by acknowledging my example.

As for you trusting him, I can only laugh because it's obvious how trustworthy both of you are.
people aren't bullying you here. I will say these things any of my acquaintances or friends too. Then I will drop them.