"I'm sure you hope, but you don't know." Can only speak for myself but I dreaded ex cheating on 2nd wife. Which he did/is repeated because that's yet more stress, more hurt for my dd. So far 2nd wife is tolerating, not sure how much longer that will go on for. So that means dd quite possibly losing contact with her half siblings which at the moment is fairly consistent.
"There is the same chance that our marriage will fail as there is with ones not started from an affair." Actually there's a fair bit of evidence otherwise.
"Would they prefer that people stay in loveless marriages?" Far from the only option. In this case, given the time span being so short between the 2 long affairs and other infidelities having happened, I hardly think OP'S h made very much effort in their marriage at all.
"Why do they put the blame on the OW or assume the bloke is an arse?" Ow who KNOW their affair partner is in a ltr are acting immorally, and they know it. People who cheat, even more so. Their actions have wide ranging long term consequences for completely innocent parties.
"If the marriage was a happy one then no one would have had an affair in the first place." That's dangerously close to blaming the cheated on spouse/partner which is beyond low.
Stating the affair partners are very happy still 40 years later misses the point - how are their ex spouses/partners? The children from the earlier relationships doing? Or do only the feelings of the cheats matter?
"But sometimes you don't realise how unhappy you are until you meet someone that makes you happy." And sometimes - usually I suspect - what's actually happening is the cheat is rewriting history to try and justify their unjustifiable actions.
"Has no one here actually got any real life experience?" I'm 46, personally I'm a child of an abusive, deeply unhappy marriage where there are addiction issues, I've survived premature birth, being an army brat, scapegoating, csa, Dv in my childhood home, 2 mc inc a partially ectopic one, several life threatening surgeries, a complicated pregnancy & birth during which dd & I almost died, being an army wife, a very nasty divorce inc completely unfounded allegations of abuse & neglect, supporting a child who my now ex basically wanted to forget existed let alone he had responsibility for, been a Lp for 15 years, during which time I've been a full time student, full time working, part time working, had 2 full mental breakdowns, and am currently dealing with my 4th bout of agoraphobia. In addition I have on one side of my family a good few addicts, some recovered some not, supported family & friends during their own trials and tribulations inc divorce, being the children of divorce inc where there's been infidelity (not always the men that cheat, sometimes it's women), I have a family member and a few friends who are/have been single fathers for a variety of reasons... That enough "life experience"?
I'd actually say it's those of us WITH a wealth of life experience that recognise the cliches, the rewriting of history, the justification AND we've seen and may have experienced the LONG TERM effects of people acting selfishly and irresponsibly.
"Do you really think that every single person saying this is shitty have never found themselves in positions where cheating is a possibility?" Yes I've found over the years that a lot of cheats don't realise, even don't believe that people who don't cheat can also find themselves attracted to even propositioned by people other than their partner/spouse AND DO NOTHING ABOUT IT. There's always a choice.
"Grown adults are responsible for their behaviour and capable of exhibiting some self control" exactly.
Luna 