Was the OW now the DW - AMA

[Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit]

I was the OW now the DW so AMA if you’re interested.

On the plus side, she also lost a man who most of us wouldn't wish on our worst enemies.

She could have wasted so many more years with him.

You're just a newer model for your dh, op. I bet you soon pipe down your goady attitude when new friends ask how you met. If I met you and found out your history, id be keeping you at serious arms reach from my family (and husband!). Women like you give other women a bad name. You're predatory, sociopathic and lack any kind of empathy for humankind. I hope the dsd figures it out one day and sees you and her creepy dad for the people you really are.

It's insulting that you say you love your husband's DD as your own. She has a DM.

Hi OP,
I'm an OW now DW too.
I'm not proud of it, I was young, stupid and fell in love. No one really knows it happened whilst he was still married, one of my friends and maybe one of his.
However, we are married now, 1 child and 1 on the way and we have stepchild every Friday- Monday.
I just wanted to say that to the people on here that say I can't possibly be happy, he'll do it again, etc etc- you don't know. I'm sure you hope, but you don't know.
I trust my husband, I am very happy as is he. There is the same chance that our marriage will fail as there is with ones not started from an affair.
Life unfortunately isn't black and white. It doesn't mean people are evil. It means we're human.

Oh and- @MyNameIsNotSteven
Why is that insulting? I love my stepchild and treat him like my own too, no question about it. His mother loves him too and his dad. Would you rather she was the wicked step mother- would that make you feel better??

There are a lot of judgy people on this thread. Would they prefer that people stay in loveless marriages? Why do they put the blame on the OW or assume the bloke is an arse? If the marriage was a happy one then no one would have had an affair in the first place. Life is complex and these comments attacking the OP are horrifying and driven by people's own insecurities.

My uncle had an affair once. 40 years later he is happily married to the OW. Sometimes you just meet the right person at the wrong time.

Good luck to you OP.

Would they prefer that people stay in loveless marriages?

No.

Who suggested that?

Rewind you and you current husband are no better than the OP. Both of you cheated on previous spouses with the spouse of one of your friends. That actually makes you worse than the OP who presumably wasn't previously friends with her current husband's ex wife. If this is what you do to your friends then how can anyone trust either of you again.

Who suggested that?!

Everyone having a pop at the OW for breaking up a family or saying her DH is a serial cheater!!

What a load of fucking judgy bollocks you all spout knowing fuck all about these people.

Op- how long have you been together and do you still work together?
Do you ever notice the age gap?

Nobody has said stay in a loveless marriage. There is a middle ground between staying and having an affair. Leave instead of cheating maybe?

Chips you do know that men can leave their unhappy marriages, right?

There are more options than shagging about.

Yes thanks for the education. I do realise that.

But sometimes you don't realise how unhappy you are until you meet someone that makes you happy.

These comments are so black and white it's frankly ludicrous. Has no one here actually got any real life experience?

It's not ludicrous to expect your spouse to firstly honour their marriage vows and then if a marriage is not working ,then have the decency to divorce before you start sleeping with someone else.

@Jb291 I don't think you read that correctly??
I wasn't in a relationship. I said the only people that knew of the affair were one of my friends and one of his. Wind your neck in

OP hasn't answered my question.

Well given that OPs husband had repeatedly cheated on his wife prior to meeting her it's safe to say he already knew he was unhappy. Unhappy enough to shag around and deceive your spouse but not quite enough to leave really isn't a defensible position.

can see this thread blowing up on u op

There are a lot of judgy people on this thread. Would they prefer that people stay in loveless marriages?

There's often an argument that if you want to cheat, you should end your marriage first. I can't really argue with this, as obviously it's what you SHOULD do. But does it really make a difference to the family in the end? If you leave your spouse for someone else, does it really matter whether or not you slept with them before you ended the marriage? Does it actually change the outcome in any way?

My ExH cheated on me. I would far rather he had ended it had he developed feelings for someone else then I wouldn't have been TTC with him, I wouldn't have needed testing for the Chlamydia that he caught and I wouldn't have made certain financial decisions that I made whilst he was having his affair. My mental health also wouldn't have been impacted by the lies and gaslighting that occurred.

Yes, that's absolutely awful.

Some things really are black and white.

Do you really think that every single person saying this is shitty have never found themselves in positions where cheating is a possibility?

At the end of the day, it all comes down to a choice. You either cross that line or you do the right thing.

There is nothing ludicrous about pointing these simple facts out.

Christ, Luna.

My heart goes out to you.

Would love to hear another instalment on this love story in 5 or 10 years time

So, so gullible and naive

You'll learn.

Thanks, it was a long time ago. Luckily we didn't have kids and I'm now happy with long term partner and a family. I just think there is a lot of attempting to justify behaviour surrounding affairs, when much of that behaviour is akin to emotional abuse and completely violating the consent of the betrayed party. In no other circumstances would that kind of behaviour be defended. And I don't actually care how unhappy the cheat was, or how much in love the OW feels. Grown adults are responsible for their behaviour and capable of exhibiting some self control whilst they extradite themselves as respectfully as possible from their current relationship before embarking on the next.