ex prostitute here ask me anything

[Opheliah]

Has this one been done yet?

I am not Belle de Jour.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno

I think I was feeling discomfort at the transactional nature of something that I’d been taught was supposed to be about love and closeness (idealistic I know!)

Idealistic, yes, but that's how it should be as a young girl! Seriously though, I'm sorry it had that impact on you, but honestly I think if people were taught a more realistic picture of sex (ie not just something people in love do) then society would be less judgemental as a whole. 99% of the time it is women who are shamed about casual sex. Prostitution did not cause this problem, in fact I would argue that the shame around prostitution is a symptom of this society, rather than being a cause of problems.

Do you trust men?? Or feel that it all just leads to sex anyway and thats all they want?

ImTakingTheEssence

Great username!

I trust a lot of men in my personal life, yes. In my experience, while sex is very important to men, it is not the be all and end all.

in fact I would argue that the shame around prostitution is a symptom of this society, rather than being a cause of problems.

Indeed I’ve always maintained that if women’s sexuality was more widely understood and talked about then men would be much better at satisfying their women sexually. They would therefore get more sex and prostitution wouldn’t have any takers.

Thanks for talking btw. Like I say when talking about these things at a societal level I never mean offence to individual women because like you say women are often looked down on for all things related to sex.

Indeed I’ve always maintained that if women’s sexuality was more widely understood and talked about then men would be much better at satisfying their women sexually. They would therefore get more sex and prostitution wouldn’t have any takers

I think that might half my work load

It doesn't account for the single men (of all ages) who want sex, but again if society didn't shame women quite so much for having casual sex, who knows!

I think this thread has shown two sides to the industry, we have Opheliah who was an agency girl and unfortunately by the sounds of it did not have a good experience and then you have myself and yetanotherprossie who has demonstrated that there is a more business side to the industry.

I can understand how women feel about especially as most do not understand how some of us can willingly have sex with various men for money. I guess it is similar to today's lets take for instance Love Island how many of the girls on there are "hooking up" leaving their morals at the door and having sex on national tv purely because they believe it will make them famous and rich?

I would be more concerned with my DD being exposed to that on a daily basis than behind closed doors prostitution which unless at times you go looking for it is basically invisible. But unfortunately it seems to be open season on prostitution with the media constantly either making a series about it or writing articles about it.

As I have said yetanotherprossie is more articulate in conveying what I think.

I am not ashamed of my short lived career in prostitution and if I had not met my wonderful partner would have been quite happy to stay in the industry until menopause had kicked in.

Do you trust men?? Or feel that it all just leads to sex anyway and thats all they want?

Not really!
When you know that 1 in 10 men have paid for sex and the vast majority of clients are married, you can't help but think that's a lot of women are getting cheated on. And there's the feeling that they're only being nice to get sex then once they're done with that they stop being nice to you! Obviously NAMALT I do actually really like men.

Indeed I’ve always maintained that if women’s sexuality was more widely understood and talked about then men would be much better at satisfying their women sexually. They would therefore get more sex and prostitution wouldn’t have any takers

This is a really great comment. Porn does not help the understanding of female sexuality, it destroys it. Use of prostitution is a lazy way of fulfilling your sexual fantasy.

we have Opheliah who was an agency girl and unfortunately by the sounds of it did not have a good experience when I did work I would have disagreed with this comment completely but now I'm older I think I probably have PTSD based on my experiences.

The sex industry should not be normalised as there is nothing normal about it although if you look at today's reality television it seems to be the norm for young girls to have sex on television, get drunk and be violent. So where do you draw the line, if you want to abolish the sex industry you need to take a closer look at reality television and also decide whether such programmes as Love Island, Geordie Shore and so many more is ok to expose young children and teenagers too when you have parents who will allow their 12 year old to watch Love Island.

I would not want prostitution to become a job option at a recruitment agency but I also do not want it to be treated as a taboo or for us who choose to do this to be vilified for making a choice.

There is a right way to work in the industry and there is the wrong way, as yetanotherprossie has said not everybody is for this industry and if you are going to work in it willingly you need to know what you are doing.

You do not only need to protect yourself physically ie. your sexual health, mental health etc but also financially and ensure that you are doing everything above board. As stated I was registered as self employed, I paid my taxes I also had monthly sexual health check ups but I also knew when to take a break and when I felt the time was for me to hang my stilleto's up.

Because we are so stigmatised we have had to come up with ways to protect ourselves within our community, forums and wonderful sites like NUM we are also lucky enough that there are police forces out there who do not treat us like scum and will take our complaints serious whether we have been attacked or whether we are being blackmailed or stalked.

Not all of us are victims, most of us do not come from abusive backgrounds and there are quite a lot of us who do enjoy what we do/did for a living.

I am going to move on from this thread but can I please remind those who read it to just remember we are also somebodies mom, daughter, aunt and sister and just because we choose a profession that does not suit society does not make us pariahs or easy targets. As Laura Lee proved there are those who are strong and willing to take our cause to the high courts to ensure that we are protected.

@Opheliah I am sorry your experience was not a good one and I do hope you are getting the support you need. and do hope that you find yourself in a better place mentally one day.

I understand why some ladies when leaving the industry can be angry about it all but fortunately for me mine was not bad. Thank you for starting this thread I have always wanted to voice my opinion whenever prostitution has been brought up but never had the balls to do so.

And one final thing, do I trust men? Yes I do trust my partner whole heartedly, I guess I learnt how to read a bullshit meter more accurately. There are good men in this world the nasty ones are in a minority and just because your partner or husband chooses to pay for sex for whatever reason does not mean he does not love or respect you. Sex is a physical reaction to a need men see sex as purely that sex, women use sex to get what they want.

That is why even if I am tired or have a headache and my partner is a little bit horny a little gesture like an oily handjob can go a long way for a man. ;)

Have a good day ladies and I hope you are all enjoying the lovely weather. xx

if you want to abolish the sex industry you need to take a closer look at reality television and also decide whether such programmes as Love Island, Geordie Shore and so many more is ok

I think those who want to abolish the sex industry absolutely object to girls having sex to make them famous too, any type of sex exploitation. The hypersexualisation of women and girls has always been around and has always been a problem for women and girls but not for men.

What are your thoughts on Holbeck?

^forgot to bold your quote!

England's red light district....

It's supposed to be an area supported by the police but in reality it's an area ignored by the police.

You can't have a red light district and simultaneously have cuts to the police services and reduction in all other public services (health care etc) in the area.

I think that might half my work load grin

But women in general would be happier.

It doesn't account for the single men (of all ages) who want sex, but again if society didn't shame women quite so much for having casual sex, who knows!

Quite, and I know this seems quite radical but single men could always .... wait to have sex. They're not going to explode. There are just as many single women wanting sex as men but society hasn't taught them that it is their right to have / buy sex whenever they want.

Realistically I don't think prostitution will ever end because men will never change.

if you want to abolish the sex industry you need to take a closer look at reality television and also decide whether such programmes as Love Island, Geordie Shore and so many more is ok to expose young children and teenagers too when you have parents who will allow their 12 year old to watch Love Island.

No argument there. Plus rape culture. There's another thread at the moment about a young lad pressuring his girlfriend to snapchat her breasts to him. Using the same old lines "you would if you loved me" that were used in my teenage years. This is part of the entitlement to sex culture where boys will be boys and you can't blame'em for trying.

I'm sorry that you feel stigmatised and often by women it seems. But please remember that the original stigmatisation of prostitutes came from patriarchal men who needed to separate women into two categories: whore (for getting their sex from) and madonna (respectable women who they could marry). So that they could ease their conscience.

This still happens today in many countries and it's a stigma that is as appalling as it is hypocritical.

Thanks Nonyabizness take care

Sex is a physical reaction to a need men see sex as purely that sex, women use sex to get what they want
Whilst you have made some great points I think this is an oversimplification and cliched, yes women can use sex as a form of currency to get what they want but that's situational in my opinion.

I agree that men seem to have a greater appetite for casual no strings sex compared to women, I think that this is in part because an unknown man is a greater risk to a woman than vice versa, additionally it tends to be easier for men to get what they want out of a sexual encounter.
women seem more likely to require an emotional connection to a man in order to have a satisfying sexual Encounter, this may be related to the tendency to see an unknown man as a threat.

Prostitutes are exploiting and monetizing the gap between men and women when it comes to the appetite for casual sex, this gap is probably a product all the patriarchal Society, so prostitutes (those who are able to do well and make a good living out of it) are free riding on the exploitation and oppression of other women.

I think it's quite telling that an ex prostitute said this

women use sex to get what they want.

That is not and has never been my view or experience of sex.

When younger I had casual sex because I enjoyed it, I got a kick out of it and it made me feel good about myself. I didn't want anything from those men, apart from a good time of course.

Now I'm married I have sex for plesure and to bond with my husband.

The only time I have ever had sex because I wanted something was when we did it to make our babies.

Sex is a physical reaction to a need men see sex as purely that sex, women use sex to get what they want

Seriously? You think women don’t enjoy sex? And what is they are trying to get?

There are just as many single women wanting sex as men but society hasn't taught them that it is their right to have / buy sex whenever they want.

I disagree that the majority of men see having sex as their right. Just because they are buying sexual services, it does not follow that they think they are entitled to them. I think I am in a better position to judge the attitudes of my clients than people with no knowledge of the industry.

I will not argue that there are some misogynistic twats that pay for sex (fortunately not from me ), but a deep rooted hatred of women does not stem from using prostitutes, and they are in the minority of clients as a whole. If prostitution didn't exist, they would still be twats.

I don't want to generalise, but it is a fact that it is much easier for men to have a satisfying sexual encounter with a stranger than it is for women, and in my opinion this partly explains why women don't pay for sex (and if they do it is usually with another woman). Perhaps if society didn't teach girls and women that their sexuality is something to be ashamed of then women in general would be happier, and the idea that slut-shaming only comes from men is ridiculous.

prostitutes (those who are able to do well and make a good living out of it) are free riding on the exploitation and oppression of other women.

Are companies who sell expensive clothes riding on the exploitation of women in sweatshops? I am not exploiting vulnerable women, and I donate both time and money to sex work projects to help vulnerable women in this industry.

I agree that street workers and coerced workers need help to exit prostitution, but the reality is that the sex industry is much bigger and more diverse than you realise. Just because there is a bad side to the industry does not make the entire industry (or its customers) bad.

I would argue that the attitude towards prostitution from much of society is what enables criminals to take advantage of vulnerable women. The shame heaped on prostitutes drives a lot of it underground.

Perhaps we need to be asking why the majority of people think all prostitution (even consensual prostitution) is morally wrong. Please remember that not so long ago homosexuality was considered to be morally wrong and damaging to society, when in reality it is anything but.

I think I am in a better position to judge the attitudes of my clients than people with no knowledge of the industry

You are definitely in a better position to judge your own clients, but not men in general. You don’t know the experiences of other women here and the fact that some have never accepted money for sex does not make them less able to judge how the men in their own lives have viewed and interacted with them.

What does WG stand for?

Working Girl

How did you deal with soreness and chafing ?
Must be uncomfortable having sex multiple times a day with different sized men

Hi
Do you have tips for hurrying a man up if you were getting bored.
If so Did They complain about it not lasting?

You are definitely in a better position to judge your own clients, but not men in general. You don’t know the experiences of other women here and the fact that some have never accepted money for sex does not make them less able to judge how the men in their own lives have viewed and interacted with them.

Very true, and I apologise if I came across in that way. I am not trying to claim I am an expert on men or society in general.

My opinion, however, is that misogyny does not stem from prostitution, and the majority of men who pay for sex do not have a bad attitude towards women. I think if people saw how vast the sex industry is, and how incredibly normal most interactions between sex workers and clients are, they would have a different opinion.