ex prostitute here ask me anything

[Opheliah]

Has this one been done yet?

I am not Belle de Jour.

I asked a question about safety earlier that wasn't answered. How do independently working prostitutes stay safe? Behind closed doors a guy can do anything, can't he? I wonder about that. Do you just take chances?

I suppose I'm thinking along the lines that prostitutes are attacked but they don't say, and see it as just a risk of the job...

Question is to current & ex WG on here.

Hi MistressDeeCee

While i would rather not go into detail about security, there are certain procedures I have for minimising danger. There are a couple of organisations (easy enough to find) that have number/email address checkers, to check for previously reported dangerous punters.

I use safety calls at the beginning and and of bookings so people know I'm safe. For outcalls ( where I visit them) I take a driver who doubles as security.

If I don't feel comfortable with any part of communication with a client, I simply don't see them, even if all checks are fine.

Personally I have never been attacked (touch wood!). But there is a very big support network for sex workers these days thanks to the internet and sex work projects, and from what I've heard police are sympathetic (although why wouldn't they be, we are not doing anything illegal). Independents being attacked and not reporting it is not something I have heard of. If I knew someone had been attacked I would encourage them to contact NUM, who can support them.

What do you think the effect of prostitution is on women and girls who aren’t prostitutes?

@MistressDeeCee as for what my safety as an indie was. I went by my gut instinct and as i stated before you have to be assertive.

I always had to talk to a client before an appointment and you can generally go by what kind of questions they would ask.

As I stated I was only robbed once by knifepoint but I got him arrested.

You also ensure that you have your senses about you in every way, if you feel uncomfortable wih someone you ask them to leave immediately.

When I toured I always had a touring buddy, we would always have rooms next to each other.

As independents we are not safe but thatbisbwhybit is important that you choose your clients carefully. But then again women in brothels or working houses are just as much at risk too even wig someone in the house.

I never saw foreigners, Asians or men of colour. I never saw more than one person, Ibut I also knew self defence. A lot of women in the industry do take unnecesary risks.

@IfyouseeRitaMorena sorry I do not understand what you are asking? I never flaunted what I did in anybodies face, from the outside I looked like an ordinary single mom who worked 9 -5.

No body was any the wiser.

As for women bein exposed do not by hose deciding to brag about it on tv, magazines etc. It is definitely bein portrayed wrongly, people do not get to see how normal and inconspicuous most of us are we choose to remain a anonymous.

Can I just add that wg's are more and more reporting their attacks or negative experiences with clients through various networks and more are going to the police.

yetanotherprossie thanks for the answer. I'd always wondered how WGs stayed safe when you're dealing with strangers behind closed doors really

& nonyabiz

I never saw foreigners, Asians or men of colour

Why? Because you perceive them as more dangerous or are just repelled at thought of having sex with them?

Asking as you mentioned alongside safety aspect

sorry I do not understand what you are asking? I never flaunted what I did in anybodies face

I didn’t mean you personally but rather how do you think the existence of prostitution affects women and girls who are not prostitutes themselves.

I namechanged to be able to contribute on his thread but have been a vigorous contributor for about 6 months now. Please feel free to have admin verify my account.

How can I enjoy It?

Same as any woman who goes out meets a stranger and has sex with him, same as meeting a man for a date and after wordsnhavin sex with him except I did not have to deal with an annoying man afterwards.

Have dating apps affected he industry?

Not at all.

Was I forced into It?

Not at all I became an independent in my mid thirties. I have never been forced to do anything or did anything that I did not enjoy.

DID I EVER feel guilty about sleeping with married men?

No it was a job I was not taking him away from his family.

I never saw a lot of clients in a day , I was just not that greedy I had a weekly target and as long as I reached it I was happy.

I was never sore from shagging as I would never do anything to jeopardise my health or that desperate for the money. At max I would see 2/3 clients a day.

As I have stated there are some women in the industry who would do about anything and self medicate and then play the blame game. But just like opheliah they are free to remove themselves from the industry at any time if they did not you have to question why they did not.

How did you stay safe, in general?

I've only ever worked in groups, establishments or agencies. They always have systems in plac5 such as security guards, a driver waiting outside, cctv. Most establishments in the UK have a very close relationship with the local police.

I would be very wary of working as an indie or street worker because there are more risks. Migrant workers face the highest risk through entrapment.

I had strict hours, I worked 10am to 2pm Monday to Friday and took time off as and when needed.

@IfyouseeRitaMoreno ah I see, honestly it should not at all as unless they go looking for it they should not be exposed to it at all.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno

Since most people (including men) are ignorant to the world of sex work, I don't think it effects them at all.

What I think you are referring to though is society in general, and if it affects how men view all women.

As I have said, the majority of my clients are normal men. All of them come to see me for a physical release, yes, but a huge part of that is also physical affection. I can't tell you how many men ask if I am willing to kiss and cuddle them when booking. My point is that they do not believe they can buy women's bodies any more than they think they can buy affection.

I never saw foreigners, Asians or men of colour
I saw all of these and was no more or less safe than if I'd seen only white ppl...

@MistressDeeCee I was held up at knifepoint by a non white man unfortunately and Asian gentlemen are not very discreet.

Plus with the amount of eastern European "managers" in the UK I was not prepared to take the chance.

But in saying that I was registered on a well known website and did have a few non white clients predominantly American and French from there. But was able to verify them via their feedback and how long they had been registered on the site for.

@Opheliah it was a personal choice and one I was not prepared to compromise on hence why I was an indie. I could freely choose my clientele without feeling the need that I had to see someone I felt uncomfortable with, which is something agency and brothel ladies have no option on.

Ah ok. Fair enough nonyabizness

@Yetanoherprossie is so much more eloquent than I am in answering your questions ladies so I hope she makes more sense than I do.

I saw all of these and was no more or less safe than if I'd seen only white ppl...

As do I. I've never felt more at risk seeing a minority, but I'd never tell a sex worker to see someone she felt uncomfortable with.

it was a personal choice and one I was not prepared to compromise on hence why I was an indie. I could freely choose my clientele without feeling the need that I had to see someone I felt uncomfortable with

Absolutely my point

IfyouseeRitaMoreno
What do you think the effect of prostitution is on women and girls who aren’t prostitutes?

I believe the normalisation of prostitution is detrimental to the welfare of women and girls.

It's unfair to frame "the effect of prostitution" as something that is caused by women.

The existence of prostitution effects women and girls by demonstrating how men will frequently see women as receptacles for their sexual desires and that men have in general the economic means to pay to satisfy their desires but women do not have their own agency to fulfill their own desires or even their own economic means in the first place.

My point is that they do not believe they can buy women's bodies any more than they think they can buy affection.

No I get that (although technically they’re “renting” women’s bodies and emotions). I’m not talking about men but how it affects women and girls.

I remember feeling really affected as a girl when I learnt about prostitution. I didn’t have the words to articulate it then but I think I was feeling discomfort at the transactional nature of something that I’d been taught was supposed to be about love and closeness (idealistic I know!). And that girls were seen as the gatekeepers of a good that men were trying to get hold of.

That attitude was and is quite prevalent amongst many men and has always disappointed me. I wanted to know how you feel prostitution fed into that.

I’m definitely not having a pop at you personally. I disagree with the ideology behind the hijab for example but support every woman’s right to wear what they like.

I’m talking about it on a wider level.

It's unfair to frame "the effect of prostitution" as something that is caused by women.

Opheliah I 100% agree with that and the rest of your post. I would never blame women because we are mostly just responding to the world we live in.

Besides it’s not my style.