ex prostitute here ask me anything

[Opheliah]

Has this one been done yet?

I am not Belle de Jour.

the majority of men who pay for sex do not have a bad attitude towards women.

I actually imagine alot if them to be sad and pathetic. The others to just have unusual tastes they are too embarrassed of to share with their partners.

The misogynistic men aren't paying to abuse women (although I'm sure alot do) they just abuse their wives, girlfriends or any woman whose unfortunate enough to cross their path.

How did you deal with soreness and chafing ? Must be uncomfortable having sex multiple times a day with different sized men

I do not do high volume anymore so it is not a problem these days, as I will rarely see more than four clients a day. When I did I found an ibuprofen did the trick if I had any cervix twangs from a big dick. Possibly TMI but I am naturally very well lubricated (even if I am not physically enjoying the sex) which I think protects me from chafing.

Do you have tips for hurrying a man up if you were getting bored. If so Did They complain about it not lasting?

To be honest I only tend to try and hurry them up if it is getting close to the end of their time slot, if I get bored I just deal with it as I would in any other service job. If they are close to the end of their booking though, and show no signs of coming, I find that being very vocal or faking an orgasm will push most guys over the edge.

Oddly enough if they come very quickly they tend to apologise! I'm not sure if it's pride ("This never happens to me!") or a genuine apology, but I find it's very common. Since they are paying for a timeslot though I don't just end the booking as soon as they orgasm, a lot of guys like to just chat afterwards for a bit.

The misogynistic men aren't paying to abuse women (although I'm sure alot do) they just abuse their wives, girlfriends or any woman whose unfortunate enough to cross their path.

I think I agree with this. The worst mysogynists would not pay a woman for something they think she owes them anyway.

I actually imagine alot if them to be sad and pathetic. The others to just have unusual tastes they are too embarrassed of to share with their partners

The key word here is imagine. Just because you assume the industry to be that way does not mean it is, and I can tell you from personal experience it is not.

The misogynistic men aren't paying to abuse women (although I'm sure alot do) they just abuse their wives, girlfriends or any woman whose unfortunate enough to cross their path.

My point is that out of the all men who pay for sex, a small percentage of them are misogynistic arseholes. I am not trying to minimise the abuse inflicted by these men at all. But paying for sex does not change a mans view towards women, and it does not change his behaviour towards women either.

I think I agree with this. The worst mysogynists would not pay a woman for something they think she owes them anyway.

RatRolyPoly You have hit the nail on the head in a way that I couldn't

Can I ask (and I really don’t mean this in a judgemental way), do you ever wonder how many marriages and families you have facilitated destroying? Yes, there is always the argument that if it wasn’t you, someone else would provide the service, but the fact is, it was you. Do you ever wonder about the impact on the children and how their lives turn out as a result? As a woman, do you ever feel any empathy or guilt about the wives, or imagine the devastation if /when they find out?

I ask because think I would find it easier to cope finding my husband was having an affair than if he used a prostitute. It’s the act of paying for a woman that I couldn’t come to terms with.

All these poor women being exploited at £200 an hour eh..? It would be a cold day in hell before i would lower myself to visiting a prostitute to be exploited. Yet so many men do. Deceiving their partners and putting family money to misuse in this way then pretending to be good family men when they get home. Saddos and losers.

Do you have perilously low self esteem?

To OP

No disrespect but I seriously think that £200/day is a meagre amount for putting up with all the shit this job entails. I'd rather clean toilets or wash dishes in a restaurant. One must be pretty desperate to resort to prostitution.

Do you have tips for hurrying a man up if you were getting bored If so did They complain about it not lasting?

Due to the nature of the type of prostitution I have always done my times are known by other people, it's not really the "done thing" to hurry them up. You judge the pace depending on the client so if they happen to finish quickly you still need to hang about chatting until the time's up or if they say "OK bye now" or whatever. Otherwise you get a bad review.

Mind you, regarding the sex if you want to get that part over, a finger up the bum always seems to do the trick.

Can I ask (and I really don’t mean this in a judgemental way), do you ever wonder how many marriages and families you have facilitated destroying? Yes, there is always the argument that if it wasn’t you, someone else would provide the service, but the fact is, it was you. Do you ever wonder about the impact on the children and how their lives turn out as a result? As a woman, do you ever feel any empathy or guilt about the wives, or imagine the devastation if /when they find out?

Honestly? No, that is not something I think about. Partly because I have absolutely no knowledge of the marital/family problems of any of my clients, but also because I am not responsible for my clients behaviour. It's none of my business.

I ask because think I would find it easier to cope finding my husband was having an affair than if he used a prostitute. It’s the act of paying for a woman that I couldn’t come to terms with.

In my experience married men visit prostitutes because it is an easy, non emotional transaction, and they do not want to risk any threat to their marriage (in the form of emotional involvement) .

The problem is, that while most prostitution is not oppressive or abusive, some (street, coerced and trafficked) is, and you view most prostitutes as being vulnerable. I do not consider myself to be vulnerable, and I do not consider a client paying for my services to be 'buying' me.

If your husband was using a coerced or trafficked woman I would consider it worse than an affair, yes, and I would say he had much bigger problems. But visiting a normal WG, I would consider your husband to be a less terrible cheat (if there is such a thing).

How did you deal with soreness and chafing?
Paracetamol. I always used my own lube. But you only get sore the day after a busy day iykwim, so after a very busy day I would always cancel if I had the next day booked.

There are (mostly migrant) girls I worked with who would do consecutive days and they took strong prescription only painkillers killers.

AussieOzborn

Just because you would not be able to do this job does not mean it is wrong or that we who do it are desperate. If you would rather clean toilets, then clean toilets, but please do not judge us for our informed choices.

“Honestly? No, that is not something I think about. Partly because I have absolutely no knowledge of the marital/family problems of any of my clients, but also because I am not responsible for my clients behaviour. It's none of my business“

Thankyou for answering my question, but really, how can you not think about this?

I’m not for one second suggesting that you are responsible for the behaviour of these men, but the fact is, you are facilitating their behaviour. You are most definitely responsible for that. Men use prostitutes because they can, simple as that. If you didn’t provide the service, then they couldn’t do it.

Men don’t HAVE to find an outlet through prostitution. It’s not an essential service. Do you never think about cause and effect and wonder if you’ve given out more good in your life than misery?

Yes they could have affairs, of course, but so can women. So, as a woman, I can relate to the power of an emotional or sexual attraction outside if a marriage. That’s not to say I’d be ok with DH having an affair, but I could at least relate. But the transactional nature of paying for sex with no emotional connection is a calculated action and it takes a certain kind of human to do that. He is not buying you, but he is buying the use of your body. In allowing that behaviour, you are effectively saying it’s acceptable.

Taking painkillers after a day of being paid to pleasure men. Speechless.

I’m not for one second suggesting that you are responsible for the behaviour of these men, but the fact is, you are facilitating their behaviour

When I worked in hospitality I would regularly check in couples who were quite obviously having an extra marital affair. I know PA's who routinely lie to their boss's wives about where their husbands are, to keep suspicions at bay. Do you consider them as being complicit in a mans sexual behaviour also?

In any case you next comment (below) contradicts your assertion that you do not blame prostitutes, by saying that if we didn't offer it, they wouldn't bother.

Men use prostitutes because they can, simple as that. If you didn’t provide the service, then they couldn’t do it.

You are simplifying the situation and misunderstanding male sexuality. Do you really believe that if there was no easy, unemotional, way for men to cheat, that it would never happen? If a man (or woman) wants a sexual release outside of their current relationship then they will find it, regardless of whether it is paid or not.

If I advertised as being available to only single men, the married ones would just lie to get a booking.

So, as a woman, I can relate to the power of an emotional or sexual attraction outside if a marriage. That’s not to say I’d be ok with DH having an affair, but I could at least relate. But the transactional nature of paying for sex with no emotional connection is a calculated action and it takes a certain kind of human to do that.

Men and women do not view sex in the same way. For men casual sex is a much less emotional an event than for women. In their view visiting a sex worker is much kinder to their partner than cheating, because of the lack of emotional attachment.

Taking painkillers after a day of being paid to pleasure men. Speechless.

Why exactly?

I assume you are against prostitution, but what is the point f your comment? Or your point in general?

Yetanother, I don’t blame prostitutes for men’s behaviour, but I do blame prostitutes for prostitution, yes. Except obviously the ones forced into it. If there were no prostitutes, then that would be the end if that.

Similarly, I blame drug dealers for the fact drugs are available. If nobody produced drugs in the first place and nobody dealt in them, there would not be a drug problem. If prostitutes (such as you who did it of free will) didn’t accept money for sex, then prostitution could not exist.

Men would be left with the options of masturbation or having affairs. You’re right, they would get it elsewhere if they needed to, but importantly, the option of paying for sex, as a commodity, would be removed. (which would essentially put them on an equal footing with women).

You can’t possibly be comparing checking a couple checking into a hotel to providing the sex? Sorry but that’s some serious mental gymnastics.

The reason most women are not prostitutes is because they couldn’t live with the guilt as to the lives their actions destroy. The same reason people would not trade drugs. You have to think of the repercussions of what you are doing. That matters far more than satisfying random men’s sex drives.

In their view visiting a sex worker is much kinder to their partner than cheating, because of the lack of emotional attachment.

That sounds like a thinly veiled excuse for men to have extra-marital sex because "it's not emotional" whilst telling their wives to stay faithful because for them there is too much emotion involved.

Besides it's crap that women don't have casual sex just for fun. I've had loads of it in my time. Of course women can't be as free as men because of our physical vulnerability but that doesn't mean we don't want to. Nor does it mean that we want to marry every man we sleep with. IME men have been just as needy after casual sex as women are purported to be. The only difference is in the reputations that we are supposed to portray, men boast up and women boast down.

You have such a reductive transactional view of sex, it makes me sad that you see it as something that women give to men "to get something" rather than just the pleasure of having sex.

@Pa1oma you are making assumptions about the motives of other people without any consideration of the nuances between polarities in thinking. Nor consideration that others may act in ways that are beyond your spectrum of understanding. Guilt, or lack thereof, is extremely unlikely to be the only motivating factor in the decision to enter the roles you have mentioned.

do you ever wonder how many marriages and families you have facilitated destroying?
I just think that if they want to cheat on their wife and aren't careful enough about it it's their own stupid fault. I never forced a man to come through the door. I do feel quite sorry wives of ppl who use prostitutes though but it's not exactly my fault so I don't feel to blame myself.

putting family money to misuse in this way then pretending to be good family men
One actually said to me "this is my little reward for being a good dad and husband"!

actually imagine alot if them to be sad and pathetic a lot have pretty successful careers etc, nice cars (or whatever), interesting lives and don't fall into the category of pathetic loser in general.

do you have perilously low self esteem?

I think so, I mean thinkinh back I first got into it when all my friends were getting jobs like in shops and things and I would just think "God I couldn't do that" thinking they'd never hire me, and I'd panic about the fact you need to provide references, use a till, the things normal people do, but I always knew I was "good at sex" or that sex was something I could do but wasn't clever enough to do anything else (if that makes any sense). I'm over that now though!
I do have social anxiety issues.

The reason most women are not prostitutes is because they couldn’t live with the guilt as to the lives their actions destroy the reason is usually because they don't want to be having sex with lots of strange men.

I actuslly felt more guilty about how the work I was doing would effect people in my own life, parents, people I was close with, in case anything happened or they found out I was doing it.

Someone upthread asked did you tell your family No keeping it all secret was extremely important.