I'm Autistic, ask me anything

[Tobythecat]

Anything at all

I can't speak for everyone but I really cannot be arsed in the finer nuances of NT duplicity any more. I just let it go straight over my head.

May I ask what is difficult about going to the cinema? It's not a very social environment although you have to share it with strangers.
Pretty much what others have said. Noise, distractions, smells, close proximity of others and on occasion that sticking to the carpet feeling. I often find air conditioning difficult too, whilst I understand the need it can feel like an icy force nine!

@ArmySal try him with white noise, he may find it relaxing. I like ocean sounds, helps me chill. There are apps you can get and Amazon echo can play noises too.

Question for the autistic people on this thread: Is it useful or helpful to know how to interpret this kind of NT duplicity?

Yes it’s helpful to know but knowing isn’t quite enough.

Or does that sort of issue not crop up much?

Oh god, you must be kidding! Constantly. It’s pervasive

Should I teach DS this stuff or let him zone out over it,

Definitely teach it to him.

Even knowing it, it’s still hard. I’m quite attuned and accustomed to passive aggression, deceit and dysfunction (thanks Mum) but even in the full understanding of the game going on in front of me, I have limited tolerance for it. After a certain length of time it fries my brain. It’s mad, inefficient and upsetting.

If youve seen the Ricky Gervais film “The Invention Of Lying”, that might give you an insight

Mina, I directly taught both of mine, that line would have lead to discussion about what she said, what my child understood by it and what the NT would perceive. Mine are both very good at bringing up a weird thing and asking for an interpretation, and I gain a huge amount of insight into their worlds. Both of them find a translation being available on request very useful.
Of course, there are days when Shit Has Happened and they just need to disassociate and chill, and I may be asked later. Or not.

I'll do that, thanks Bishop.

"Is it useful or helpful to know how to interpret this kind of NT duplicity?"

It definitely is - but it's also a nightmare as I suspect it takes a lifetime to come to terms with all the variations!

I think the lessons in masking are good but should go alongside lessons in limits and being confident in asserting them. Which it sounds like you're doing.

I worry that sometimes for example, there's the feeling that if you do or teach XYZ to an autistic person, they'll then be normal at you, and they won't (if you see what I mean)

I can't speak for everyone but I really cannot be arsed in the finer nuances of NT duplicity any more. I just let it go straight over my head.

I’ve certainly culled the people who make it a way of life

DD is auditory, she likes music, white noise is rain.
DS is visual, he likes snow, clouds, the sea. When he’s stressed, he looks for a a place to lie down and look up,

Lava lamps could be good too.

Or sand pictures that you turn upside down (maybe when he won't eat or smash them!)

How about fake ivy or fake plants from amazon? Put them in front of fans on days when you can't go outside?

And the Ocean Wave Projector things are beautiful - colours all over the walls.

I used to love cloud watching with DS1

How about fake ivy or fake plants from amazon? Put them in front of fans on days when you can't go outside?

That is such a good idea!

It still gets me a bit, staffie, but I'm definitely cultivating my fuckitall groove.

Ooh, there's an Amazon deal right now on artificial ivy

What does masking mean exactly and can you give an example of doing it an ordinary day?

Copying other people so you appear NT. But it's hard work and frequently goes wrong, so exhausting.

DD masks a lot in her job, it’s having a script, remembering an appropriate response in a given interaction with an NT. If she’s having a good day, she can riff on a script and handle variations. If she’s having a tough day, she either gets confused or repeats her script until the other adapts by either clarifying what they mean then or stomping off.
Masking seems to be much more a part of a female response, rather than anger.

Masking: looking normal.

For me some of this would be going into work and not chewing my hair or clothes or fidgeting or sitting cross-legged; trying not to responding to sensory stimuli like smells and noises and sensations; being polite and listening to people and working out what they're saying and how to reply; touching door handles and getting over germ fears; fighting off OCD rituals; accepting variations in routines and not freaking out; trying to resist urge to obsess about special interests; trying to remember to eat and drink; trying to remember to physically "look" normal with the right posture and face.

And then trying to do my job well, like any other person.

I've ordered some ivy to put up, thank you for the suggestions 😊.

We were once playing a superpowers game. Simultaneously, mine both declared my superpower to be the ability to talk to anyone in any place and make a connection in under 5 minutes. They have no idea how to do that. It’s literally a superpower to them.
Yes, DD finds masking exhausting.

@armysal, would your son like something like this? He might like the lights reflecting on the ceiling.

Im unsure Hollow, last year on holiday as it was going dark, a bar we were walking past all of a sudden put disco lights on, flashing red green and blue. I've NEVER seen him have such a bad reaction to anything, he was terrified.

This one might be better, I have one like it and it's very soft. Some of them play ocean sounds etc too.

You could try putting on in a corner of the room with all the lights on before trying in a darker room (no sudden bright jarring changes)? Or in a room he's not ordinarily in but walks past?