I'm Autistic, ask me anything

[Tobythecat]

Anything at all

The one advantage of having reached (almost) sixty, is that I've learnt to say 'I can't do that', or 'I won't do that', for example Battle a destination wedding would be absolutely out of the question. I don't subject myself to things I can't handle anymore. Occasionally I want to do things though and it can be really hard - Cinema. Autism screening don't really happen for adult films. A day at the beach - why do people always want to talk to you and sit on top of you when you want to listen to the sea and read? I like a bookshop. People don't talk to you in bookshops. What's wrong with you!

A day at the beach - why do people always want to talk to you and sit on top of you when you want to listen to the sea and read?

As we say in this house “People are weird”

I find masking exhausting but am trying to let go a bit since dx. It's ingrained hard, though. I'm happy with myself now I know why I'm different. Content.

My teens were hell, though and I didn't know why.

May I ask what is difficult about going to the cinema? It's not a very social environment although you have to share it with strangers.

LOUD Veg

Thanks for your answers btw. I have a friend who is Autistic but usually you don't notice. She is a very calm and logical person. I'm probably annoying her very much with my indirect language though.

@Vegehamwidge close proximity of a lot of people, sweet wrappers rustling so loud you can't hear the dialogue, people breaking the rule about no phones - if there's a screen glow I'm drawn to it and it's so distracting.

For me the cinema is great except it's SO DAMN LOUD EVERYTHING SHAKES WHEN PEOPLE EVEN SPEAK - add to that the smells and people all around (eating popcorn loudly!) it can be overwhelming, and the seat fabric can be weird. And you have to get there and back too, and talk to people you go with...

So often we just end up waiting for a DVD, which you can also pause if you unexpectedly realise you're ridiculously hungry or need the loo (and you only get limited warnings from your stupid body!)

Hi I've got a question from my partner!

I currently have an apprentice who has autism, some days it's barely noticeable to me and he seems to function quite well, on other days he's very difficult to communicate with and seems incredibly anxious. How can I support him the most effectively on the days that he is struggling? Thanks!

There’s also the paradoxical thing with sensory overload that you can get overstimulated to the point of being high as a kite by enduring it.

I have noticed a few more adult autism friendly showings recently Bish. Sometimes more broadly marketed as “relaxed” showings.

On the plus side due to the ridiculously high volume, I have worn earplugs before which have blocked out popcorn and crunching but not the film itself.

I wasn't going to miss Star Wars episode 7 for the world (episode 8, not so much)

Re the apprentice give him space, try and find ways he can explain the issue (maybe writing it down?) so you can help, maybe? Ask if there are ways he can perform his tasks that are less stressful.

My 3 year old is non-verbal autistic and doesn't play with toys. He really enjoys looking up at trees more than anything, what is it about them that he loves?
I'm aware no-one can answer on behalf of him, just wondering if anyone else liked it?

How can I support him the most effectively on the days that he is struggling? Thanks!

Written checklist maybe?

Only one verbal instruction at a time.

Nothing too novel on a bad day.

"How can I support him the most effectively on the days that he is struggling? Thanks"

I wish all employers could be great enough to ask

Ask him, be friendly about it but talk about it. Is his desk in a noisy spot? Is there a lightbulb driving him mad? Is it the work itself? Is someone at home playing drum kits late into the night sometimes? Tell him to think about it and talk to you when he's ready, or to write it down which might be easier.

Your partner could also ask him to approach Access to Work, a free government scheme which autistic people can apply to online; they'll do an in-workplace assessment and perhaps pay for accommodations for him and training for employers.

Trees - movement, the way the light looks as the leaves move, sound of wind rustling leaves, repetitive shapes of leaves, shape of branches? Could be any or all of them. Try and replicate the sensory elements (sight, sound, shape) and see if anything engages him?

God I love trees. I used to collect videos of them. They're just - beautiful. They wave around in the wind. They're pretty. They have personalities (in my head at least). They're great

Could you get him some books about them?

It might be the movement too. Does he like sensory toys like the goo timer thingies?

He really enjoys looking up at trees more than anything, what is it about them that he loves?
I'm aware no-one can answer on behalf of him, just wondering if anyone else liked it?

I would guess that that’s an almost sensory thing to do with the fluttering leaves. Shifting patterns. Relaxing to watch and immersive.

I think the issue of masking is a fascinating one. DS is having EI sessions. Does that classify as learning the art of masking? He definitely finds social situations easier than he used to, though there are many he would prefer never to have to handle.

E.g. DS 1 off to every prom under the sun this summer.
Me to DS 2: Would you like to go to one?
DS2, horrified: 'God, no!' and he scuttles upstairs to play his guitar and cuddle the cat uninterrupted for two hours, which is his preferred way of celebrating after exams, rather than stick on black tie and drink prosecco with hoardes of school mates.

Last night we were watching a drama in which the hostess said to an unexpected guest: 'Would you like to stay for dinner?' I laughed, because the actress performed it with such a frosty smile it was clear the character actually meant, 'Will you sod off out of here now so I can serve dinner to my invited guests?' But DS asked why I'd laughed, and when I explained he was puzzled. It made me realise how hard it must be to navigate the nuances of NT behaviour.

Question for the autistic people on this thread: Is it useful or helpful to know how to interpret this kind of NT duplicity? Or does that sort of issue not crop up much? Should I teach DS this stuff or let him zone out over it, just as I zone out over football or car maintenance or maths or any of the aspects of life I just don't get however often they're explained.

How can I support him the most effectively on the days that he is struggling? Thanks!

Written checklist maybe?

Only one verbal instruction at a time.

We did both these for DS ages before we knew he was autistic. We worked out he couldn't follow two step commands. He had a checklist by the front door, a checklist in the kitchen and never more than one command. We also gotcolour-coded ziplock bags for each school subject and a big crate to keep all school work in, so he could easily pack his school bags each morning.

He only likes toys which either make sounds or light up, never a combination of the two. We noticed he has been staring at the out-of-reach fan a few times. Will try him with a book about trees, he does enjoy turning pages.
This has been my favourite AMA, btw