I'm Autistic, ask me anything

[Tobythecat]

Anything at all

Wow, who peed on your cornflakes? It's not offensive at all.

Read Relationships, read Chat read AIBU.

Talk to people. How many have financial trouble, relationship struggles, health issues, bereavement, frustrations at work, injustice, kids with disabilities where diagnosis and any help takes years to materialise, trying to fit a job around childcare needs, MIL problems, sudden accidents or events turning their lives upside down - that sort of thing.

Yeah slight selection bias there. Happy people don't tend to complain about their lives on the relationships page. Hhtalk to people. How many are happy with a new job or haircut or because the sun is shining or they?re going on holiday.

From what I’ve observed and experienced, nt people place great importance on their interpersonal relationships, and communication is heavily loaded with background meaning rather than to simply exchange information. This often leads to misunderstandings and feelings of frustration and of being let down.

Their emotional lives also appear to be complicated and they rely on emotions to gauge how happy or sad they are. They have a wide range of emotional responses and a complicated social communication system. They sometimes don’t tell the truth either and can say the opposite of what they really mean.

Their lives appear to be based around relationships and social expectations and happiness is based on how well these are going rather than on purely internal factors and practicality. Eg, I’m happy if I have a nice cup of tea on a morning and it doesn’t worry me if family members ignore me or each other, it just means we’re tired. A nt might become upset because their dh didn’t greet them or chat about stuff in the kitchen. This is just a silly example.

If you watch soap operas, you can get the idea of how complicated nt lives can get although I would think that soaps are an extreme example of nt behaviour as they always seem to be shouting and arguing. I used to watch them to learn how to behave, but that was back in the 80s when they were less full of angst and murder.

The Gold Standard of nts is to be extroverted and highly social. Introverted nts aren’t so favoured because they’re a bit like us (autistic) and treated with distrust. Even the way people are described in the media or following their deaths is very telling - she was bubbly, outgoing, popular, had lots of friends vs (usually in the context of a school shooting crime) he was a loner, had no friends, was antisocial, weird etc.

If I could choose, I wouldn’t interact with nts - although some of them can be friendly - because they judge me constantly and I can pick up on it. I don’t know whether the majority of them are happy or what, but they do seem to let each other down quite a bit which leads to unhappiness.

I blame the men who wrote Genesis for introducing the narrative of there being only one type of human being on the planet. ‘Man’ doesn’t exist - we’re all descended from different types of extinct hominids who travelled and interbred. The Jewish and Christian teachings of a God creating Man - just the one type - has made us arrogant and inward looking and anyone who doesn’t fit the blueprint is subhuman in some way.

There are lots of different types of Man though, all with slightly different physiologies, brain types and social and communication structures depending on their genetic ancestry.

This is probably why we’re all at each other’s throats.

And why some of us find ourselves labelled as disordered, rejected in society, forced to undergo ‘treatment’ and denied access to the workplace.

You know the saying, you've met one nt person, you've met one nt person.

Do you have any questions about autism for Toby, or can you offer any support to anyone, ND or NT who has previously commented?

Time to get the thread back on topic.

I’ve met lots of nt people and I prefer the introverted ones.

@mysocksmakemeitchy
Some great observations there, thanks for the insight.

If I could choose, I wouldn’t interact with nts - although some of them can be friendly - because they judge me constantly and I can pick up on it

That's fascinating, I will try and see what I do re the judgement next time I meet someone I don't know. I'll also ask autistic friends and family for honest feedback. It's really made me consider how I react.

A reading of this book is aired periodically on radio 4 and I find it fascinating. It really altered the way I viewed autism. Hope it’s ok to post here:

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b02yjf17

When the award-winning author of Cloud Atlas David Mitchell, whose own son has autism, discovered this extraordinary book, he felt that for the first time his own son was talking to him about what was going on inside his head, through the words of the young author.

Higashida was born in 1992 and wrote the book when he was still only thirteen years old. His autism is so severe that he finds it difficult to hold a conversation, and he wrote the book using a Japanese Alphabet Grid - a low tech table of Japanese hiragana syllables, on which he spells out his words painstakingly, character by character.

David and his Japanese wife originally began a translation for their personal use and that of their son's other carers and tutors, and eventually it grew into this book. The Reason I Jump pushes beyond the notion of autism as a disability, and reveals it as simply a different way of being, and of seeing. Naoki Higashida shines a light on the autistic landscape from the inside.

I'm (as far as I know) NT, and have a good friend who is autistic. He's now early 50's and was diagnosed mid-40s. He's highly intelligent but has a number of other physical and mental health problems - I think the correct term is co-morbid conditions, and is currently undergoing PTSD type flashbacks and meltdowns as the result of something which is currently in the process of coming to court (I honestly can't explain in detail but it is not him being sued or anything like that).

We have quite a lot in common. We are both intolerant of small-talk, and both find it hard to understand why people say one thing and then do another (for example, someone says, "I'll call you in the next few days to discuss this" and then a week and a half passes and you've heard nothing), we both have a very dark sense of humour. He is unable to 'filter' much in life - so if we are somewhere noisy he can't tolerate it for any length of time. Same goes for business, bright lights and lots of information - there is just too much stimulation for his to be able to process.

As a result of our friendship I've learned to say what I mean and mean what I say. I keep to the facts, I try my best to weed out unnecessary words and I'll happily back off if he's stressed and struggling rather than keep saying "are you okay? do you need some help?" as that makes him feel worse.

I also have a female friend who has only very recently been diagnosed, in her early 40's as autistic. She is an excellent masker but has anxiety and depression that really kicked in after a couple of tragedies in her personal life. It's only after several years of therapy and counselling that she's realised that she is autistic and is trying to reunderstand herself.

It seems to me that there is a reasonable amount of support available for children and young people (although exactly what will depend, as everything seems to, on the postcode you live in), but for adults, particularly those diagnosed as adults, there is next to nothing.

At the end of that ramble, Toby - do you have other co-existing conditions? I believe dyspraxia, dyslexia and anxiety are quite often associated.

zzzz (Sorry if not enough z's). Possibly my slighly rose-tinted view. Or comparing "then"" to now.
In the area I'm in, DDs school have a number of autistic pupils. Each has a designated 'support' TA where needed in the classroom and the school work closely with parents to get it right for each child.
Autism is now diagnosed in children earlier on.
Perhaps I'm fortunate that my town/borough are proactive, particular when it comes to children - assessments are given, following up can be slower, but support strategies do exist.
For the adults I know, they spent their childhood being told they were stupid, had no help at school, doctors did not pick up on problems, just labelled them "naughty", and now, in . adulthood, they're pretty much told, "Oh yes, you're autistic. Now off you go."
I fully accept that each area/town/borough is different, and I am sure that there are those who don't have the level of help and support they need, but at least now there is some. At least now people are aware of autism. Schools are expected to make reasonable provision.

We're just moving this over to AMA.