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AMA

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I'm Autistic, ask me anything

189 replies

Tobythecat · 01/07/2018 12:38

Anything at all

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 01/07/2018 16:15

Oh I can imagine that - there's no context at all for him, is there?

SumerisIcumenin · 01/07/2018 16:19

Staffiegirl. Smile
Rather than wanting and not knowing how. Good. Happier place to be in.

fruitcider · 01/07/2018 16:24

Thanks for all the suggestions, masking fatigue sounds likely as my partner said his apprentice seems to struggle most towards the end of the week. He's going to take your suggestions on board.

ArmySal · 01/07/2018 16:25

I will try him with one to get him used to it. It seems to be an odd combination of lights AND sound he doesn't like, but doesn't mind one or the other? He doesn't mind the television on (apart from the adverts, but he isn't as bad as he was).
Hand dryers and motorbikes are the noises he most dislikes though, and he does like some music.

SumerisIcumenin · 01/07/2018 16:31

Fruit cider, as the parent of adult children who are working, please tell your partner that his attitude is both refreshing and appreciated.
If the apprentice can articulate what he’s finding hard and what accommodations might help, that would be the most effective way of trouble shooting. DS and DD are both Aspies and both very different.

Mogleflop · 01/07/2018 16:36

Hand driers and motorbikes are still the banes of my existence. There's one hand drier at work that physically makes me hurt when it goes off. And we have a motorbike gang locally who love riding up and down our lane.

Have you ever tried letting him wear ear defenders in public?

Yy sumer. I think it's something like only 16% of autistic people are employed in the U.K., and that's presumably mostly the "higher-functioning" ones.

It's such a loss for us but also genuinely society as there has to be more room for logical and analytical thinking out there - if we could just get past these stupid limitations we'd have so much more to offer.

Mogleflop · 01/07/2018 16:37

Also OP sorry for being one of the ones who sort of took over your thread. How are you doing? @Tobythecat

BishopBrennansArse · 01/07/2018 16:38

It's not odd at all, (not being snarky, promise). It's because light is a sensory input, sound is a sensory input, touch... people tolerate each at different levels. I can tolerate a low level of the three together but if one is really high (like loud noise) I can't tolerate anything of any of the others. Does that make sense?

BishopBrennansArse · 01/07/2018 16:39

Hand dryers and motorbikes have high sound and high vibration/heat. I don't like them either.

ArmySal · 01/07/2018 16:43

I don't think he'd wear the ear defenders, he absolutely won't wear a hat and hates having his haircut.
(On the plane last year the women in the row behind remarked to DP as we were getting off that "your little girl has been wonderfully behaved, we wouldn't have guessed there was a baby sitting there" BlushGrin)

Yes that makes sense Bishop.

RebelRogue · 01/07/2018 16:47

I'll probably word this wrong so I do apologise in advance.

Does life become "easier" as you age in terms of triggers and meltdowns?
For example is something that would've completely make you shut down at 5,more bearable or even not an issue at 25?

BurpeesAreTheWorkOfTheDevil · 01/07/2018 16:53

When you were younger, is there anyway your mum (or primary caregiver) helped you or could have helped you?

Looking back at your teenage years, what did you need?

My son is 16 and autistic, I'm his carer because he isn't coping and I desperately want to help him but he is not self aware and cant tell me.

Do sounds hurt you physically aswell?

staffiegirl · 01/07/2018 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mogleflop · 01/07/2018 16:57

"Does life become "easier" as you age in terms of triggers and meltdowns? "

I think that people's sensitivities can change. But they can get better or worse. Puberty and menopause cause changes.

Two small examples:

I screamed blue bloody murder at having my hair touched as a child. These days I actually like it from DH, and can push through a haircut every six months from a stranger.

As a child I used to be okay-ish in hot weather. I got grumpy and didn't like it and was a terror but I didn't throw up and cry for hours, now I increasingly do which is awful.

Overall though you learn to avoid things. I live life actively hiding and avoiding stuff I don't like. I carry earplugs and noise reducing headphones and cooling towels and lots of other things around to help.

"When you were younger, is there anyway your mum (or primary caregiver) helped you or could have helped you?"

Believing me and not making me think I was going mad would have been incredible. In fairness, neither of us knew I was autistic, and she's probably on the spectrum too and had a hard time parenting.

"Do sounds hurt you physically aswell?"

Yes they can. It's horrible. Why a body would do this I have no idea! You know the fingernails on a blackboard thing? It's a bit like that.

Some noises cause rage too, I think it's known as misophonia but again, what demented twist of nature led to that?!

SolitudeSometimesIs · 01/07/2018 16:57

Have any of you been through the ABA process and how did you find it?

My son is autistic and we have decided not to go down the ABA route for him as I met a lot of tutors and visited a few ABA schools and really didn't think it was for him. A lot of the people who rave about it's brilliance are parents of ASD/ASC kids or tutors, the reports from people who have been through it are less positive.

BurpeesAreTheWorkOfTheDevil · 01/07/2018 17:00

madasbirdsblog.wordpress.com/2017/04/25/i-abused-children-and-so-do-you-a-response-to-an-aba-apologist/

I believe Aba to be abuse, my son hasnt done it

Maranello4 · 01/07/2018 17:00

Hi OP

Thank you for introducing this thread.

You mentioned about doing your degree with the OU and couldn't have done it with a different university. Would you be able to explain the reasons for this - so is it the travel, getting to the uni /living in halls or the social interaction aspects of the course?

Thank you

zzzzz · 01/07/2018 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

staffiegirl · 01/07/2018 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BishopBrennansArse · 01/07/2018 17:12

@RebelRogue for me, no. The same things (noise, light, crowds) are still just as stressful as they've ever been. My tolerance has increased marginally (I shut down more than melt down) and I'm more adept at avoiding triggers, that's all.

BishopBrennansArse · 01/07/2018 17:13

I wasn't diagnosed until last year so no ABA, thank God. Feel the same way as Stafford about it, though

RebelRogue · 01/07/2018 17:17

Thank you for your replies.

If you were diagnosed young, were any of the adjustments in school for example a hindrance as they couldn't be replicated in the work/outside/adult world? Or were they all a necessary tool to cope at the time until you developed the skills to avoid/cope with as an adult?

Do you feel there has been a positive change in society as regards to autism? Do you think things could become even better for people with autism in the future?

Mogleflop · 01/07/2018 17:21

ABA is that thing I was alluding to up-thread; that "trying to force autistic people to act normal" attitude more than "educating them about the world and helping them to navigate it and confidently assert and look after themselves".

Like everything it probably depends on all the varied personalities and motivations involved. It's probably helped some people but will have completely tortured others.

Generally you cannot fix deep sensory issues by forcing yourself through them over and over again. I wish it was that easy as we wouldn't have them anymore.

Gilead · 01/07/2018 17:25

Another one who feels very strongly that ABA is abusive.

SolitudeSometimesIs · 01/07/2018 17:28

Thanks Staffie. My son is non-verbal and I couldn't put him in an environment where their job seemed to be to try and change him completely through methods I viewed as abusive. We resisted pressure to put him in an ASD pre-school and he attended a mainstream Montessori and had a blast. My Sil is an ABA tutor and thinks we have made a massive mistake not choosing ABA, but every tutor I met seems militant about it being the only option.

I'm not in England so DS will be attending a unit attached to a mainstream primary school with an amazing inclusion policy.