I'm Autistic, ask me anything

[Tobythecat]

Anything at all

Does the anxiety ever improve as you get older!

Yes, because you get more control and more confidence to arrange what you need and cut out what’s unbearable.

Is it true or a myth (in your experience) that autistic children can’t lie or lack imagination?

"How do you like people to approach autism to you?"

For me, calm, blunt and candid is always best. There's nothing embarrassing or taboo about it for me at least.

But equally none of the attitude earlier in this thread ("I know an autistic person who does xyz which annoys me so I'm angry at you too").

@VladmirsPoutine

Can relationships work between so-called NT people and those with autism?

Yes - I have ASD, DH is NT. We have a fucking brilliant relationship!

Do children with autism have at least one autistic parent or can an NT couple have an autistic child?

I don't know - I suspect both of my parents are autistic and that my DD is autistic. DS is NT though I think.

Does masking leave you feeling literally exhausted?

Yes. It's like acting ALL of the time. I feel like I'm constantly having to think of what the rules are for dealing with people on top of remembering general parenting crap, how to drive, thinking about tea...

If you could click your fingers and no longer have autism would you?
Absolutely fucking not. It would change what fundamentally makes me ME. It's not without it's positives - I can think very logically and deal with really shitty or scary situations without emotion (the emotion comes later, when it's safe!)

"Is it true or a myth (in your experience) that autistic children can’t lie or lack imagination"

For me as a higher-functioning (?) late-diagnosed-in-life-woman, it doesn't ring quite true to say that autistic children can't do either. Maybe some can't though.

I could lie but was terrible at it or felt intense guilt. But I seemed to be imaginative. I lived and breathed in books and films and their worlds, I still have pretend worlds based around different ideas that I get very lost in (scarily so sometimes).

Abed in Community is the best representation I've seen of that side of things so far.

Would you say that people/society are moving on from the rain-man association of those with autism?

I find this thread very interesting and thanks to those that are responding. I have a few friends with autism but not close enough to ask direct questions such as these as it does feel quite intrusive tbh.

Another thing, do you 'have' autism or 'are' you autistic?

@Mogleflop I'm happy for people to ask me outright, it's better than me having a meltdown in front of colleagues because the entire office bathroom has been wiped down with bleach causing me sensory overload

• What do you find to be the the main differences between you and NT people?

Is it true or a myth (in your experience) that autistic children can’t lie or lack imagination?

IME (primarily drawing in myself and my D.C. here) imagination, empathy, creativity aren’t issues at all. What can be more of an issue is blurring fiction and fact, including “lying” but also role playing as a social skills tool, that kind of thing. It’s the separation between fact and fiction that’s really clearly delineated, if that makes sense?

I know I painstakingly learnt social “white lying” as an (undiagnosed) child and painstakingly taught it to my D.C. too, the same way I taught them sarcasm. But none of us are great dissemblers. If I’m asked a question I don’t want to answer, I have to dodge it entirely. I don’t know if that’s going to make any sense to you at all (?)

Is it true or a myth (in your experience) that autistic children can’t lie or lack imagination?
There are many creative Autistic people around. Musicians, Authors, Screen Writers. Autistic Children do not lack imagination any more/less than the NT community.

Autistic children can lie, too. Some research however shows that It does appear to be a tad less than within the allistic community.

My experiences with NT men were always abusive, perhaps because I exuded something which attracted that kind of man?

(NAMALT disclaimer)

My relationship with DH is rock solid. There's no way he's NT despite not having a diagnosis. He's the male version of me and we finish each others' sentences.

I know NT/ND relationships work for some, though. Just not me.

"Would you say that people/society are moving on from the rain-man association of those with autism?"

Ish. I think we're seeing Sheldon Cooper as the current incarnation, and while that's a move from "totally divorced from reality", the representation still has a lot of flaws, and is designed to be laughed at more than identified with. I guess it's a step forward though?

"Another thing, do you 'have' autism or 'are' you autistic?"

For me, I'm autistic, the same way I'm white and female. It's not like something you could remove (like cancer) and I'd still be me. I wouldn't. I'd be a whole other person with a different operating system. Maybe others prefer a different mental frame to it all though.

"What do you find to be the the main differences between you and NT people?"

Huge lack of logical thinking in NT people. They don't notice sensory environments or details as well either.

Huge lack of logical thinking in NT people. They don't notice sensory environments or details as well either.

I know! They’re massively irrational, completely unobservant and at the mercy of their feelings! (Sorry)

🙌🏻 @Battleax

There are many creative Autistic people around. Musicians, Authors, Screen Writers. Autistic Children do not lack imagination any more/less than the NT community.

This is true. I’m in a creative job too (although this isn’t my first career). We’re not all in IT.

Mogle, I find I get frustrated with the Sheldon model, I don't understand why it's okay to laugh at his ineptness, whilst celebrating his genius. I don't feel that I'm being drawn in to support him. I'm autistic though, so may be missing something there.

Bishop

Friend of mine is an autistic artist. Complete genius. Specialists in photo realism.

You're right, I did phrase that as a "lack" for them and therefore a "plus" for us. I didn't consciously mean to pitch it in feelings of superiority and I apologise if it came across like that.

Personally I've wished I could override the "black and white" logical thinking brain a number of times. I just ... can't. Social rules in particular are baffling in this respect. There are huge networks of intricacy ("you should say this in this situation but not when x is happening and remember y doesn't apply to z especially on days like Tuesday").

Gilead, yes, I remember watching and wondering why it was funny - people were just mean to him when he was being perfectly fine! That was before I was diagnosed. I haven't watched it since but imagine I'd be equally cross now.

You're right, I did phrase that as a "lack" for them and therefore a "plus" for us. I didn't consciously mean to pitch it in feelings of superiority and I apologise if it came across like that.

But this is the thing, isn’t it? It’s two tribes and mutual bafflement

I mean I can “do” NT-normative behaviour but I’m always narrating inside. (“Okay we’re all going to talk nonsense and eat nibbles now for half an hour before the presentation.”) And something like a hen night or, worse, a destination wedding is knackering because of all the random insincerity and time filling. I only go to destination weddings and girls trips with people I truly adore (and I used to use alcohol as a prop).

^NT people sugar coat (i.e. lie). I cannot sugar coat.

NT people are not direct in their communication. I do not use unnecessary words in spoken word. For example, I have so many colleagues who overuse words, basically and obviously are the ones that are way overused and out of context.^

I find this very interesting because I've been taught that this is the polite way to communicate irl but it would be rude towards an autistic person to sugarcoat and not be direct?