I'm Autistic, ask me anything

[Tobythecat]

Anything at all

What mles you feel genuinely happy ?

Makes

Why do you feel you have to control every single situaation?

Why are you nice to friends and horrid to familly?

Why do you need to point out fault but won't accept any responsibility foe your own

Are you married to Op it just being randomly perjorative green?

OR just^

*Nobody actually knows what autism is, and I say that as an autistic.

Neurodiversity is inherited from our prehistoric ancestors and would have helped them to meet their survival needs. The modern world doesn’t accommodate these survival characteristics, hence the severe social anxiety and inability to fit in.*

@mysocksmakemeitchy Brilliantly put. I've been trying to articulate that for years and you've done it in a couple of sentences. I totally agree with this. It's about time this interpretation was more widely accepted.

That's really interesting Mina is that something you have read because I would be interested to read about it.

@hungryhippie mysocks said it upthread. I was trying to quote it in bold but the bold failed. It's brilliant, isn't it? There's such a trend these days towards defining 'normal' and assuming that we should aspire towards 'normal' and push children towards those very narrow perameters. Instead of exploring what individuals are good at or what feels right to them, and the variety and diversity that naturally arises from that range of experiences, we crush/label problematic/medicate anything and anyone who doesn't conform.

There's such a trend these days towards defining 'normal' and assuming that we should aspire towards 'normal' and push children towards those very narrow perameters. Instead of exploring what individuals are good at or what feels right to them

Very true.

I was having a long running exchange of views on a thread yesterday with some NTs who are determined to define us as “disordered”. We’re not.

@Tobythecat Can I ask about friendships?

Do you find it easy to make friends?
How do you go about making friends?
Have you ever thought people were your friends only to find they didn't recognise the relationship as particularly close or menaingful to them?

I'm asking for DH (autistic) who has no friends at all. Not one. and DS2, also autistic, who thinks he has friends but when I meet them they seem to be very loosely connected to him and not rating the friendship as he does (maybe they'd classify him just as an acquaintance or 'a boy in my class' rather than a friend.

Well you may want to look at the education system

DS - Dyslexic and 'failing' at school - gets all the help going to help him achieve his targets

DD - Autistic - can't cope with friendships - achieves really highly - so therefore denied help.

CAHMS is over stretched and badly funded.

You may fall into my DDs category of appearing to do well but underneath seriously struggling

Battleax - absolutely. Disordered is an insult. Different in approach and response from NT people but not inferior, not malfunctioning. Just differently functioning. I am an NT person surrounded by autistic people (my DH, son and best friend are all autistic) and the longer I spend with autistic people, the more I see that my frustrations are a result of neither of us understanding how the other works in a given situation, rather than them 'failing' and me being 'right'. I should also add that 99% of the time there's no problem anyway, and I love the brilliant minds, the quick wit, the loyalty and honesty, which I choose over an NT ability to say one thing and mean another any day.

which I choose over an NT ability to say one thing and mean another any day.

Yep

@GreenTulips - that's very hard on your DD. My DS is autistic and gets weekly help with EI. It really has helped him progress with friendships. He still places higher value on them than the people he tries to befriend but he is gradually forming some bonds that give him enough social interaction - a few people to have round on his birthday or to see after school occasionally. It's still him doing 99% of the asking but he doesn't get knocked back so often these days and I'm sure that;s because the EI sessions wiith the school counsellor have helped him.

FFS, I've read some crap on this forum but that takes the first prize.

Agree. @GreenTulips is being so epically rude and ignorant on this thread, I can’t really fashion a response.

Why do you feel you have to control every single situaation?
Ask the person concerned, like the rest of the population, we're all different.

Why are you nice to friends and horrid to familly?
Ask the person concerned, like the rest of the population, we're all different.

Why do you need to point out fault but won't accept any responsibility foe your own
Ask the person concerned, like the rest of the population, we're all different.

Ask the person concerned, like the rest of the population, we're all different.

I think you might be about to break her brain “People with the same diagnosis but literally the same person!?” 😂

I'd like to know, from any of you, with experience of autism (of course with the caveat that you can only speak in your experience and not generalise) -

Can relationships work between so-called NT people and those with autism?

Do children with autism have at least one autistic parent or can an NT couple have an autistic child?

Does masking leave you feeling literally exhausted?

If you could click your fingers and no longer have autism would you?

my son has pathalogical demand avoidance syndrome and if he is in control he is happy.

You mention school refusal so I wonder if that's what you had.

Can I ask, Are you happy? Did you find it hard to engage in all of the hoops and communication necessary to find a job or would you say it was no harder for you than for anybody else?

I’ll take the lad two.

Does masking leave you feeling literally exhausted?

Yes but it also helps. I pretty much pass for NT when I’m out and about and working, but then I need to hole up and completely chill. I’ve arranged my life so I work about 60% from home and 40% on sites, which vary. This is perfect for me. I’m aware that being a female aspie gives me the advantage that I did at least learn to mask through school (which I quietly found a horrific experience) and that Male aspies are less likely to have that in their toolbox.

If you could click your fingers and no longer have autism would you?

No, not a chance.

Last two^

I reckon GreenTulips' issues are down to her rather than the person she's bitching about.
And I say that as an autistic person. And I am an autistic person, I don't carry it with me like a handbag.

"Can relationships work between so-called NT people and those with autism?"

I'm absolutely sure that they do, but it probably takes more patience and kindness on both sides than it would with just two NT or ND people. I might be wrong though.

"Does masking leave you feeling literally exhausted"

Yes! Oh god yes. It's thoroughly mentally and physically exhausting for me. I lie down for hours at the end of each day.

"If you could click your fingers and no longer have autism would you?"

On many days, yes, without hesitation. I hate a lot of the sensory issues which make my life hell. But then that would also remove "me" and would really be a form of self-destruction or even suicide in one way. So on my better days, no. My husband needs me around too much.

How do you like people to approach autism to you?
Do you like people asking you respectful well put questions - ie, any triggers, etc (don't want you to answer that if you don't want), or would you prefer people to not bring it up?

I recently learnt a friend of mine is autistic, he found out later in adulthood and I had no idea, he didnt know until 5 years ago! I really want to ask them questions about how their way of thinking could be different or similar to mine but I have fear of offending him. He talks about it openly but also jokes about it - I don't think he feels fully comfortable with it yet.

Does the anxiety ever improve as you get older!

How do I get my child to connect with his classmates?