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Original poster

Retired lap dancer- ask me anything

813 replies

yourprivatedancerEX · 26/06/2018 05:30

It’s not something I tell new people I meet that for 10 years I used to be a very successful lap dancer. I have a very different career now but often reminisce about my secret lap dancing past, always with fond memories!
I think it’s still something that is frowned upon by many and in my view I think that’s largely down to being misunderstood. So if any of you have any questions I will answer them and hopefully give you some interesting insight into the secret world of lap dancing! Ask away.

OP posts:
JuliaJaynes9 · 26/06/2018 11:46

Nobody sitting in a cosy living room giving their opinion anonymously is brave
I agree this is totally not bravery.
It's pure Self Indulgence
The OP wants to show off about her glamorous lap dancing lifestyle and subsequent Smart Life Choices
Yay! she's hot sexy and she's got her head screwed on
she invested the money and trained to be a.... I'm not sure what it was I must have missed that bit

Shambu · 26/06/2018 11:47

Clearly it depends on the type of club you work in. I had a few friends at university who worked at local clubs and their experience was a world away from yours.

I have known a few lap dancers. They were earning similar amounts of money to you but their dances were a lot more intimate than those you describe.

I knew someone very well who lap danced in the major London clubs (I note that OP's experience was in provincial clubs), her experience was completely different from the OP's. Much more intimate, more cutthroat competitive, more exploitative from management and punters, a lot of pestering for extras.

To the point that I'm not 100% convinced that the OP is genuine. Could be a bloke with an intimate acquaintance with dancers.

Shambu · 26/06/2018 11:47

Glamorous and lapdancing are an oxymoron.

crunchymint · 26/06/2018 11:48

Which is why most lap dancers offer much than a non touchy lap dance.
Also most clubs do not take a commission only. Most charge a set fee plus commission. So some women who offer no "extras" find they make nothing on a night or have actually lost money.

crunchymint · 26/06/2018 11:50

shambu It is possible the OP is genuine and this experience is about when lap dancing clubs first appeared on the scene. But no it is not like that now.

Shambu · 26/06/2018 11:51

The clubs that my friend worked in - they charged a fee for the dance slot which the girl's then had to make back from punters and the club took commission on their earnings too.

user1471429763 · 26/06/2018 11:52

Why conflate lap dancing with prostitution? They are very very different things, I can't speak for prostitutes as I don't know any however as prostitution is illegal and lap dancing isn't and is highly regulated these things can't really be compared. If there isn't money to be made most dancers I have known stop or move on as no one was working under coercion. This is often very different for street prostitutes

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 26/06/2018 11:54

How have I tried to silence the OP Findthegap? Her choices affect how I and other women are viewed and treated.

It is incredible how so many women are on board with women being dehumanized and objectified. Commodities to be bought and sold. And the ones who see the problem with this are the ones in the wrong. Proof of the misogyny that allows these clubs to exist....right there!

crunchymint · 26/06/2018 11:54

*user" Because lap dancing these days involved a lot more than dancing provocatively to make a living out of.

Shambu · 26/06/2018 11:55

It is possible the OP is genuine and this experience is about when lap dancing clubs first appeared on the scene

Xpost Sure it is, I don't dispute that.

user1471429763 · 26/06/2018 11:55

Most of the clubs I worked in, including big international chains Iike Spearmint Rhino and For Your Eyes Only, used to regularly do drinks promotions to ensure they were competively priced and not prohibitive. Only the bar hostesses took commission on drinks, not dancers

Shambu · 26/06/2018 11:56

Prostitution isn't illegal.

crunchymint · 26/06/2018 11:56

Shambu Yes that is common these days, it is how clubs make their money.
If you want to make money lapdancing these days, you have to offer "extras".
And if your man is having a private dance, he is certainly touching the woman and she is touching him sexually.

JuliaJaynes9 · 26/06/2018 11:56

it is not about being "good" at dancing. You are naive if you think that is what men are paying for
The men are paying for an experience where they feel as if women exist purely for their sexual gratification
Where they can buy access to women's bodies, where women will perform to sexually arouse a man irrespective of whether or not she is attracted to him

JelliedFeels · 26/06/2018 11:56

I attended a really competitive and expensive dance school before training to do something completely different. We were trained in ballet, tap, etc.

We’d all go off to auditions and it was incredibly tough and actually very degrading having to perform in front of directors, be told to change things about ourselves and then never get the part.

We’d get a few parts but never enough to keep a steady income. A large group of the girls went into lap dancing and their experiences are the same as OPs. It was a supportive group of women, proud of their bodies and each other, with the free will and minds to say no at any time, just enjoying what they do. The hours were great, the money was even better and it gave them the lifestyle they required. I often worked behind the bar between jobs and loved being back with them.

Why can’t we be supportive of women’s choices? It is a choice at the end of the day. They are not responsible for how your DD/DS/DH views women, that’s your/DH’s job.

It’s pathetic how many believe EVERY woman who earns money from showing her body must be forced into it, plied with drugs and hating every second of her life. That is not the case for any I have met.

Shambu · 26/06/2018 11:57

Only activities around it such as soliciting and running a brothel etc

user1471429763 · 26/06/2018 11:57

Do you sssume all men fundamentally want sex and not sexy entertainment/titilation? There is a huge spectrum of men who go to lap dancing clubs and reasons why. Very few of them want more than to have an entertainment experience

crunchymint · 26/06/2018 11:59

Yes user the model rapidly changed from how it was at the beginning when it was called table dancing. Clubs are financially competitive now.
At the beginning a man wandering into a table dancing club in Soho would pay a fortune for a beer. But the clubs are now very competitive. They have to be. Which is why "extras" are routinely offered.

MNHQ
HopeMumsnet · 26/06/2018 11:59

Hi all,
Just FYI, while we can never vouch for anyone 100%, the OP has been with us for a good few years now and has given us no reason to doubt her word.

Adviceplease360 · 26/06/2018 11:59

User, it is all under the same umbrella, using women's bodies for men's gratification in return for money. Done normally out of desperation, but with the exception of op of course.

user1471429763 · 26/06/2018 12:00

@cruncymint- what are you basing your information on? Mine is from my past experience and also of friends current experience, admittedly this is anecdotal which I assume yours is too. In any job there will be people with positive experiences and people who have the opposing view.

crunchymint · 26/06/2018 12:01

MNHQ I don't doubt her, I just know the industry is not like this now. So I suspect she lap danced when the industry was in its infancy.

crunchymint · 26/06/2018 12:04

user I am not doubting women who say they have good or bad experiences. What I am saying is that lap dancing clubs nearly all now turn a blind eye to "extras". OP says clubs enforced the no touching 3 metre rule. This was true in the beginning, it is not now.
So I am talking about how the industry works, not about individuals experiences. I can't say whether individuals experiences are true or not, I can say how the industry developed from its beginnings to how it works now.

user1471429763 · 26/06/2018 12:06

Apologies, prostitution in itself isn't illegal but soliciting and pimping is and it's hard to have one without the other. Also brothels are illegal and therefore a group of prostitutes working from the same place are subjected to much different working practices, regulations and controls compared to a group of lap dancers

crunchymint · 26/06/2018 12:11

Lets get real here. Most police forces care not one bit about lap dancing clubs offering "extras".
I think people here are using trafficked to mean different things. The legal definition of trafficked in this context means someone moved to a different location for the purpose of sexual entertainment. That can mean a British women moved about different brothels or clubs all over England.
Some here are conflating trafficking with illegal immigration. This is not the legal definition.
So someone can be trafficked from abroad and have a legal visa to work in Britain.