Retired lap dancer- ask me anything

[yourprivatedancerEX]

It’s not something I tell new people I meet that for 10 years I used to be a very successful lap dancer. I have a very different career now but often reminisce about my secret lap dancing past, always with fond memories!
I think it’s still something that is frowned upon by many and in my view I think that’s largely down to being misunderstood. So if any of you have any questions I will answer them and hopefully give you some interesting insight into the secret world of lap dancing! Ask away.

I have known a few lap dancers. They were earning similar amounts of money to you but their dances were a lot more intimate than those you describe.

I don't see all you folk kicking off about trafficked workers working on farms or in factories. You're all silent then

What a woman CHOOSES to do with her body is her choice. And just because one woman decides to lapdance does not mean she is responsible for trafficked women. You really need to go to the SOURCE of the problem for that. And that isn't a lapdancer - fact.

Another (happy and well adjusted) ex lap dancer here too, can absolutely echo all that OP has said. Some of the responses on here are truly awful- women putting other women down for speaking candidly about their experiences because it doesn't follow their hypothesis

tectonic "extras" are pretty much standardly offered by about half the women at nearly all lap dancing clubs. No not all lapdancers do this, but it is pretty tolerated by clubs as it is the only way many women make much money.

macarena Yes I agree.

OP did you ever wonder about where the men went when they left eg those who were frustrated; those who were put out by bouncers for disrespecting the club's boundaries? Did you ever think about how their visit to your club then impacted on the women they went home to or met in the street afterwards? because the safety the bouncers afforded you isn't there in rl outside the club.

And definitely in our city, certain lap dancing clubs created no-go areas for women.

Oh OP you're getting slammed now and I don't agree with it. Thank you for the thread, what you're saying echoes what many of my friends and acquaintances have said about dancing.

Pps on about trafficking-go blockade Sainsbury's or something, trafficking is built into the food and clothing industries but you're not trolling the S+B threads about it. Obviously trafficking is bad but stripping doesn't cause it and it's intellectually dishonest to lump them in together.

The OP must be naive to Mumsnet
how else could she not know that this would end badly?

I mean come on there's a strong feminist vibe on here, anyone who says 'hey ask me about my sparkly glamorous lap dancing life' it's going to be face some hard questions about the objectification of women

And yes OP, you are profiting from and colluding with misogynists, the sex trade, and the objectification of women

@crunchymint How do you know all of this? If a women was so unsuccessful at dancing that she had to resort to extras to make money the club would probably have let her go before it got to that stage anyway as they want to ensure they employ profitable workers. Or are you suggesting clubs know and are happy about 'extras' and take a percentage from them as they would for each lap dance? This would put them in a very perilous position if so and I can't imagine any business risking their reputation and licence like this.

The no contact rule is routinely broken in most lap dancing clubs these days. No not by all lap dancers, but it is common to break it and that is accepted by nearly all clubs.
At the beginning of lap dancing clubs, or table dancing clubs as they were also called then, no contact was actually enforced by many clubs. But they were a novelty then and clubs and dancers made money then from encouraging men to buy very over priced drinks. But very soon that changed.
You can't make money been quoted now for simply doing lap dancing with no touching and staying 3 metres away. There is simply too much competition in the sex industry.

What a fascinating, insightful & brave post OP.

Trafficking is a massive problem.

So it's never 'live and let live'. Too many women aren't allowed to 'live'.

PPs are right: stuff like this trivialises the issue and reduces support and focus from where it's needed - people being vocal in shunning and shutting down this industry because it is utterly toxic.

That's not OP's fault, but the sad facts are that she's either not being utterly truthful about her idyllic, supportive, gals together! life as a dancer (hmm, someone possibly telling porkies on the internet? Surely not) - or her experience is far from the norm.

I question the reason for this thread.

No, it's not 'brave' to sit behind a keyboard possibly telling people a load of old shit.

What a woman CHOOSES to do with her body is her choice. And just because one woman decides to lapdance does not mean she is responsible for trafficked women

Well bloody said.
OP, I'm finding the thread interesting anyway.

It's ok for you to do it....

Did it boost your self esteem ? did it make you feel attractive and admired?
were other women jealous of you?

@FizzyGreenWater

That's not OP's fault, but the sad facts are that she's either not being utterly truthful about her idyllic, supportive, gals together! life as a dancer (hmm, someone possibly telling porkies on the internet? Surely not) - or her experience is far from the norm

I assume I am telling 'porkies' too then? I lap dances for 15 years and never once came across a case of trafficking. The clubs have to work hard to get and keep their licences and are often the subject to review, inspections etc. The clubs I've worked in all asked to see a passport too as proof of age and residency

How on earth is op brave?
What a ridiculous thing to say.
Nobody sitting in a cosy living room giving their opinion anonymously is brave.

Was that to me, December? If so I don't get the link. I'm here, anaonymously, giving people my opinion. I don't claim to be brave or true or even very interesting.

OP is here, also anonymously, telling people a load of detail about her apparent life story concerning a pretty contentious issue and very much pushing one aspect of that which could be interpreted as not very helpful in highlighting the issues women in this industry face. It might be based on fact, or 'she' could be absolutely anyone telling a big old bunch of porkies.

Another poster calling that 'brave' is nonsense. 'Brave' would be telling us her name, the clubs she worked at and the names of their managers and telling us that she's happy to stand up and say it was not an exploitative industry in her experience. Brave, or foolish - either way, she certainly isn't sticking her neck out to do that - of course.

User, it may well have been the case 15/20 years ago, the ops account rang true.
Not anymore
Just recently a post about an area in Leeds where proustition was legalised and the women working there said as this thread seems to concur sex work was profitable years ago. Now there is too much competition and significantly less money to be made and more exploitation.

Another poster calling that 'brave' is nonsense. 'Brave' would be telling us her name, the clubs she worked at and the names of their managers and telling us that she's happy to stand up and say it was not an exploitative industry in her experience. Brave, or foolish - either way, she certainly isn't sticking her neck out to do that - of course.

Well said.

user The sex industry is very competitive now days. Sure a curious man might pay £20 for a lap dance with no touching at all. Men are not going to keep going back and paying that though. Like most service industries lap dancing clubs rely on repeat customers.
And honestly anyone who understands business can see that logically what I am saying is true.

So at the beginning with table dancing it was new. Men would pay for lap dances with no touching because of the novelty aspect. Then more and more lap dancing clubs opened. There was no longer the novelty factor and so women had to offer more to men.

It is not about being "good" at dancing. You are naive if you think that is what men are paying for.

The clubs don't offer the "extras". The clubs charge entry fees to the men and charge the women as well. And they make money from drinks. The women pay the club. They make money from the lap dances. £20 for a lap dance is not a great deal if you are paying 30% of that to the club. And there is a lot of competition amongst the women. So to get the men paying some women start offering a little bit more. Just a bit closer. Putting their breasts in the men's faces. Suddenly they are getting paid for many of the lap dances. So other women offer a bit more. And so it goes. There are limits enforced by the club on public dances, but not private dances. And no not all lap dancers do this, but they then struggle to make money in all but a few clubs.

This is how capitalism works. So it was inevitable this would happen.

£20 for a lap dance?
Read the invisible men-was linked here on another thread for £40, a man can have any type of sex so why the hell waste £20 for a non touchy lap dance?