Retired lap dancer- ask me anything

[yourprivatedancerEX]

It’s not something I tell new people I meet that for 10 years I used to be a very successful lap dancer. I have a very different career now but often reminisce about my secret lap dancing past, always with fond memories!
I think it’s still something that is frowned upon by many and in my view I think that’s largely down to being misunderstood. So if any of you have any questions I will answer them and hopefully give you some interesting insight into the secret world of lap dancing! Ask away.

Cards on the table, I’m coming from a place where I deeply disapprove of what you did. Not from a religious POV but from an objectifying and dehumanising women POV

The point of this thread is constructive engagement and I am here to do precisely that

I don’t know if you have a daughter OP. If you had a daughter, would you feel happy for her to follow your career path?

My next question to you is harder hitting, but also needs to be asked. If you had a daughter, would you feel happy for her to become a prostitute?

@waterlego

Haha, kinda. It has extra fabric that covers the boobs but pretty much to be honest.

These are examples of slingshots

I love this thread.

I'm not a lap dancer but I have friends who are and have been.

I'm female and work in a very male oriented industry, to get further in my career I have to entertain clients. Many of our male clients were regular married people, who saw a paid evening in a strip club as a 'treat' away from home. I was paying so had to go along.

I've been to the most prestige clubs in London down to the dirtiest spit and sawdust ones, pound in a pint glass places.

I've never 'been behind the curtain' so my question is.....what exactly goes on behind there?

I've never felt it appropriate to ask my clients what they got up to behind there!

Oh good grief.

@hdh747

Indeed. One might therefore expect them to want to listen, learn and educate themselves rather than lecture, patronise and dismiss.

Thesearepearls

I don't have a daughter so can't say what I'd do/say. (I will say it again, dancing isn't a career, it's a job.) A hypothetical daughter I would discourage, the money isn't there like it used to be. If she was insistent I would tell her everything I knew to keep her safe and how to make money.

Prostitution, no, I wouldn't like that. A strip club is full of people, customers, bouncers, managers, other girls, customers, the chances of being attacked are very, very slim. With prostitution, the odds go up hugely. It's one on one.

These are pearls

I have already answered the first question in more detail upthread so won’t go into detail again but yes I would be fine with my daughter going into dancing, as long as she had aspirations beyond that and didn’t expect it to last forever. I would ensure she used the money wisely and invested it in a secure future for herself.

Second question would do be happy for my daughter to go into prostitution. No I wouldn’t because to me, looking and touching are two very different things.

I am more than happy for the other dancers on the thread to answer with their personal viewpoints too, I only describe my own.

So many customers in fact I wrote it twice*

I would also add that in the club, you are on CCTV from the moment you walk in, to the moment you walk out. And like ex said, looking, and touching are very different, to me. I would not have worked in a club where touching was permitted or looked over. Although I never actually came across a club where that was the case.

I’m loving this thread. Thank you. I have a friend who used to dance, but she doesn’t like to talk about it. My question is- how do you learn to dance? The dancers I’ve seen are so graceful. I’d love to have a go myself, for my OH, but feel so self conscious! Did you feel like that at first? I mean, a bit silly? Not being cheeky- just that that’s how I feel

I've been in spearmint rhino in Vegas. The dancers were encouraging our group to hold her breasts/bum. Do they do that just to get tips? These were the serving types of girls. Walking around barely dressed with drinks on a tray.

"Why are certain women so determined to believe these girls are 'just dancers' with zero self esteem, low morals and hiding some inner misery or desperation ?"
""The posts which exude intolerant, dismissive, self-righteous, judgemental disdain and contempt for other women’s lived experiences all come from the radical feminist posters who have absolutely no first-hand experience of the lap dancing industry whatsoever. Those posters also react very negatively when their ignorant, ill-informed, closed-minded preconceptions are challenged. ""

Absolutely. It's what made me come off the Feminist boards quite quickly.

They say the same things about Women who work in any part of the sex industry, or are promiscuous.

If you want to read narrow minded assumptions, about Women, head over there.

Thanks for starting this thread, it's great!

I'm definitely all about women earning money and getting by whatever way works for them and respect anyone who manages to be successful in their game, whatever that may be. No judgement here sister ❤️

However, did you ever think about the impact of the role you had as dancers on the objectification of the female body generally? I fully get this is not caused by dancers but maybe it's still buying into the notion of women's bodies as commodities to be bought?

Can I ask if you identify as a feminist and if so why or if not why not?

Sorry if this has already been asked, feel free to ignore if so! 🙈

@ApolloniaC

Yep that was just for tips. The US is more touchy in general (I don’t personally mind as I couldn’t imagine constantly trying to levitate above a customer and like being able to sit down in their laps). A lot of waitresses even though they’re not strippers will act a certain way for tips and do some general but shaking and stuff. They also make pretty good money in tips, sometimes more than the actual dancers on select nights.

I thought people would enjoy this. I just got this bra in the mail as the Fourth of July is next week and I wanted to stand out a bit from all the girls decked out in American flags! Super great steal on eBay for $15 and actually really comfy (nipple chaffing can be a bit of a problem, mostly with lacy stuff)

Erm...no thanks.
My enquiring mind has much much more worthwhile questions to ask.....

A blokes perspective. Its not my thing but only cos i think it's way too expensive but how many jobs or industries could I say that about.
And it's so easy to be cynical about every job. Doctors could be associated with Harold Shipman or nurse Beverley Allott. Lawyers act for 'legitimate' white collar crime and 'get people off' ....so i agree totally with BonnyF that if we want to be judgemental, snobby, self righteous and sanctimonious please look very deeply at every industry or every client from whom you make your money and use to support your family.
If i was being really cynical, the oil industry burns fossil fuels, and is decimating the environment, pharmas do animal testing and unethical pricing to keep humans alive, the finance industry has a deep history of tax evasion, money laundering and unethical practices and we live in a country that got rich on the back of the slave trade, murder of native peoples (in africa and beyond) and colonialism. So spare me the loose association of lap dancing with rapes, sexual abuse, drugs etc because a banker or lawyer is likely as guilty....instead you must blame the perpetrator of rape or drug dealing, not the woman who dressed 'seductively' ...and the hypocrisy that the biggest subscriber channels and programmes in the UK are MTV, pop idol and youtube all of whom use attractive people or artists to sell their programmes (and advertising). Please check your media subscriptions.
So OP, Happy stripper, stripstriphooray and all the other former lap dancer contrubutors who I have to say have been so dignified and professional in their responses (and indeed inspirational) on this thread, please just 'go for your life'.
I swear, if someone was willing to put £20 notes in my budgy smugglers, whilst I got to keep fit, be admired by the opposite sex, enjoy a sport like brotherhood, and enjoy it, i would bite their arm off....and yes I have daughters and would be as proud of them working out (and showing off) in a safe clean environment as I would of them being like Kylie Minogue. Ofcourse I would like my kids to never have the need to work in any industry (hopefully never law as I have friends who have turned into truly awful judgemental people) but the stories you have told sound a lot more healthy and fun than working as a banking clerk or some other 'commodity job'
So i say, ignore the sad hypocrites who want to associate every bad thing that ever happened to your CHOICE, and 'go for your life', take thanks for being so entrepreneurial and resourceful, make a few quid and provide for your family and enjoy it....and for every so called feminist out there, please stop judging other women and trying to pull them down because if I knew a man that did the same job, I wouldn't judge him....but I would be quietly jealous.

For me, Its a reason I'd never work abroad. In the UK I know that a customer can't touch me and can be removed if he does/persists in badgering about touching. I couldn't work where the rules aren't finite.

I absolutely identify as feminist.

Tricky one; I don't like that it's based in misogyny or objectification of women. The perception from the outside is of objectification and I understand the reasoning. I never felt objectified personally, or like I was being oppressed or taken advantage of. Either by management or the customers. Inside the club the "power balance" is different, difficult to explain. It's like a micro world. But I can certainly see why the industry has a bad rep. I'd never stop another woman doing what she chose to do with her own body.

Excellent contribution Eartha thanks for that, have a lovely evening

Love that bra
Beats my boring ones lol

Love this thread. I was a door woman in a lap dancing club for a few years and all the girls said they felt really safe with me there as I was very protective of them. I was twice most if the girls age so they saw me as a mum figure. How did your security staff make you feel over the years?

He was that good, I married him! 😂

Strip club security are a step above standard security for the most part. They take their role seriously and go above and beyond for the girls. It's a cliché but it does become like a little family, especially when the door staff are there long term.

The door staff who are not a good fit don't last long, management were always skilled at spotting doormen who fancied working in the club because of the girls and got rid swiftly.

Loving this thread, thank you Ex...I had the opportunity years ago to do pole dancing..I just wish I'd had the confidence (and younger skin) back then I have now..... I'll just satisfy myself with fitness pole dancing instead!! 😁

Well this is an interesting thread!
This will sound snobbish and judgey (sorry forgive me) but...I always assumed strip clubs were tawdry places and the associated men who went to strip clubs were either 'sun reader' sleazy brash builder types or banker/politicians types with massive egos and money to squander. So both groups tending towards the misogynistic (to stereotype) and often in male dominated typically boys club careers. Was this your experience, ever seen any men apologetic or embarrassed to be there, any arty creative types? I imagine that both sets of men would be horrified if their girlfriend was dancing (unless they were voyeurs) as this would damage their egos? Do you think as women enter more male dominated careers and equality in the workplace increases, strip clubs will go into decline or just go underground?
You say that you wouldn't mind your daughter doing this as long as she had a proper career after it? Does this mean you are ashamed of it or don't consider it a proper career? Or is it because once you reach a certain age the men loose interest as they want to see young lithe bodies? Isn't it also an ageist industry if this is true? These are genuine questions i'm intrigued to know your answer. It must be quote an ego boost for yourself to get all the attention and lots of money, but if people then lose interest as you get older this could also be quite damaging to self esteem, same could be true of modelling etc of course? Watching a man jangling his bits about on a stage wouldn't do it for me to be honest much less pay him for it, I need a back story there are certainly less male strip clubs for women, why do you think this is? And finally...what on earth sort of things did you chat to them about...hows the weather, do you come here often?! [big grin]