Retired lap dancer- ask me anything

[yourprivatedancerEX]

It’s not something I tell new people I meet that for 10 years I used to be a very successful lap dancer. I have a very different career now but often reminisce about my secret lap dancing past, always with fond memories!
I think it’s still something that is frowned upon by many and in my view I think that’s largely down to being misunderstood. So if any of you have any questions I will answer them and hopefully give you some interesting insight into the secret world of lap dancing! Ask away.

Another semi funny story. I’m in Texas and a customer once bought me cowboy boots haha. Definitely beat other gifts of chocolate strawberries or lingerie. Especially the lingerie as guys actually have no idea what looks good.

Bonnie f

It certainly is! Yet some how we are the ones shaming women...

Thanks for noticing

Moonkissed, probably by doing other part time jobs which likely only pay a fraction of what dancing does

Well, men seem to get by OK in our society don't they? Stripping or not.

You, however, have been a complete dick throughout the thread.

This must be the "intelligent, well balanced and respectful discussion without resorting to childish tactics such as name calling and insults" the OP was referring to.

Penguin

Welcome to the thread!

I disagree. Men rape, molest and abuse because they have been brought up to see women as subhuman, as decoration for their pleasure, as not people but as something to put their dick into, to overpower, to intimidate.

But those kind of views aren't formed because they can get a lap dance, it's because there's something very wrong with them as individuals. And men who think like that wouldn't (in my experience) pay for a lap dance, any man who thinks women are that far beneath him isn't going to pay her to dance. And I said earlier (maybe I didn't, I can't remember) strip clubs are a symptom of a disordered society, but they are not the cause.

OP my DB insists that the lap dancing clubs he's visited on stag dos mainly have men hanging round the bar and chatting about football and usually moaning about the beer price. His wife believes that most men are getting lap dances and oggling the stage show and stuffing notes in their g-strings. It's caused a lot of arguments

Which one is right?

I know a stripper and her stories match OP's in terms of strictness, no touching, no extras. She also seems happy in her chosen career, is making a lot of money and is protected by the bouncers.

However, she tells me that she gets called a 'fat cunt' at least once a week by visitors to the club (she's got quite a Rubenesque figure) and she suffers from mysogyny from one group of club owners that seem to see the girls as cattle. She said that the manager is good and protects them though (from the owners' attitudes and expectations). She also said the last manager in that club though used to pocket so much cash because it's easy to steal cash in that industry.

One person's testimony yes, but I find it interesting as it's neither 'happy hooker' nor 'trafficked immigrant'.

Very interesting thread not read all posts but if I was young and in good shape (& could dance ) I would lap dance/strip and not feel objectified by men. Actually my feeling would be if they were daft enough to part with money to watch me dance/take my clothes off so be it. Many men get much more at home for free and sometimes their ladies get very little in return.

Confusssed a bit of both

@Moonkissedlegs

Yep but if it wasn't for other men encouraging other men to do these kind of things and for the average posters husband to either agree or keep quiet when a friend acts badly towards a woman and they actually pulled them up on it, it would make a big difference.

• What if Dads (and Mums obviously, but mention Dads as same sex as the people we are talking about here) actually encouraged their sons to treat women well and not only this but showing that they do this themselves and

• When Jack tells his friend he fucked this slut, or shared pictures of his wife that Matt turns round and says "Jack that is not OK. If you're doing that shit, I'm out of here." And actually mean it.

• When a woman does go through something one of these bad people inflict she's not instantly told to get over it. Or if there are mutual friends between them it's her who gets pushed out, not him and

• If one of these men really wants to change and not only because they are being prosecuted they could be taught better ways of behaving by other men because yes it should be universal how to treat women but if he grew up with an abusiver father who had an abusive father, he may just need a push in the right direction if he is willing to look at himself.

I hope all those points made sense. If these measures were implemented it would probably reduce (though not get rid of) such establishments but when visited, these men would give much more respect.

Sorry for going on - I just hate women being blamed for something men do.

"Well, men seem to get by OK in our society don't they? Stripping or not."

Moonkissed, well some men do, and some men don't. Just the same with women. Surely, you're not implying that all men do okay just because they are male? Plenty as strippers and exotic dancers too.

@Confusssed

I’d say it’s a mix to be honest. There are the bar guys, the stage guys, lap dance guys, stare at their phone guys. Honestly the ones who aren’t there to oggle are just annoying as they use the space but then we don’t get paid for it as they don’t get dances or tip. There are certain regulars who no one bothers walking up to as we already know they’re not gonna spend anything and just sip at their beer. I don’t get it as our beers are like $7 and liquor is like $15 for a double.

Thanks OP really interesting to know, and thanks for starting an interesting thread, with some good comments.
I liked your story about the booth!

@yourprivatedancerEX Hi 👋

To those that say the foot rule is false - I've worked in a few places and different councils have different rules - all are no touching but some you must be a foot away and some you could sit on their lap.

I'm still in touch with around 10 girls I've danced with over the years and all have the same experience as me and @yourprivatedancerEX.
My best friend and I were only saying yesterday that it's a shame that we are too old to go back!

Sure there are seedy places that might turn a blind eye to 'extras' but you don't go and work in those clubs!

I was always amazed that a man would pay me £20 to look at me wiggle for 5 mins when another man in another life was paying that for sex with someone!

I always thought what a waste of money, especially when they paid £150 an hour just to sit in a vip area with you and nothing else!

I never felt degraded and my other half never minded.

I had no idea how fit it was keeping me though and the minute I stopped my body changed and only came back for a short time when I got married 😂

Thanks strip I thought as much

Back in my youth I was seriously into clubbing and often went out in little more than a bralet and short shorts and danced my ass off on the dancefloor all night. I never once felt objectified though I was wearing hardly more than a professional dancer, and could bust a few moves in my time

Getting straight to the point

Do you think that your previous occupation may have been immoral in that it led/fed upon women being objectified?

This incident sticks so clearly in my mind because in the dancing club NOWAY would that have been acceptable. He would have been banned from the club in an instant.

I well believe it. I've been treated with more respect in swingers and fetish clubs than in normal nightclubs. In normal clubs I've been harassed and groped and frequently had my 'no' disregarded. In the sex clubs, every 'no' I gave was respected. I felt safer in those places.

However, she tells me that she gets called a 'fat cunt' at least once a week by visitors to the club (she's got quite a Rubenesque figure) and she suffers from mysogyny from one group of club owners that seem to see the girls as cattle.

I well believe this too. In an environment where men are paying for access to women's bodies (even if it is just sight), they will feel entitled to comment upon the merchandise.

Do you think that your previous occupation may have been immoral in that it led/fed upon women being objectified?

No, but I never felt objectified when at work either. Neither did I feel empowered. I was just at work.

Confusssed

A bit of both I guess. I’ve never seen any stuffing of gstrings as they’re not allowed to touch you but they do tend to watch the stage show. But yes your db is right, when it’s busy you do get them all stood there chatting, oblivious to everything else and definitely moaning about the drinks prices! (To be fair they are extortionate!)

radical feminist posters who have absolutely no first-hand experience of the lap dancing industry whatsoever.
mmm, guessing it wouldn't be top of their job/leisure list

Your vagesty

Thanks for sharing a slightly different perspective! Yes I imagine for most women they are at a happy medium. I hate that your friend is in the receiving end of such horrible name calling though. Has she tried any different clubs? The customers do tend to be different in different ones so it might be a case of trying a few out until she finds one that she’s comfortable at.

So a slingshot is in fact a mankini?

How are the men managing to get through their degrees without taking their clothes off?

yep amazing how the men manage