Retired lap dancer- ask me anything

[yourprivatedancerEX]

It’s not something I tell new people I meet that for 10 years I used to be a very successful lap dancer. I have a very different career now but often reminisce about my secret lap dancing past, always with fond memories!
I think it’s still something that is frowned upon by many and in my view I think that’s largely down to being misunderstood. So if any of you have any questions I will answer them and hopefully give you some interesting insight into the secret world of lap dancing! Ask away.

Crunchy you are starting to sound almost hysterical. Do you have some sort of fetish wanting to fantasise about desperate women resorting to giving 'extras' in clubs, or being dragged round seedy clubs against their will?

FWIW my niece has recently worked behind the bar at a couple of provincial lap dancing clubs and she reports much the same set up as the OP. She says it's actually very mundane (behind the scenes) and not sordid or dangerous, or anything like that.

It’s not up to individual woman to fight the good fight for womankind.

Rubbish. We each have a responsibility to ourselves, to each other and to our daughters to stand up against all the crap. Nothing will ever change unless we do that as individuals en masse.

Oh jeez, don't wheel out the H word, you'll get accused of being a bloke now!

notfun If woman have bills to pay and children to feed then that’s their priority. The big picture is out with their responsibility.

I don’t criticise any woman for doing dancing for a living.

How blind do you have to be to believe that this is an okay choice of work for yourself, for your daughter. It's not empowering, reducing yourself to your body parts for male gratification is about as demeaning as it gets.

Never said it was empowering, it's a job, it paid bills, it gave me a lot of disposable income and i enjoyed it. For what it's worth, I go back and forth on the issue of it being demeaning/oppressive. I have never been ashamed of what I did, if I needed to, I'd absolutely go back to it. Dancing helped me escape from a hugely damaging and abusive relationship (if I hadn't gone back to work, I'd probably be dead.) So there is that. Would I encourage anyone and everyone to do it? No, it's not for everyone. Would I take the choice away from other women to do it? No, absolutely not. Like rat said, every woman in the club dancing is there for a reason, all kinds of reasons, it's serious business. Is it a shame that women's bodies are seen as a commodity to be bought? Yes, I think it is.

An interesting thread, and one that echoes the experiences of my friends who have danced.

It is fascinating to see the likes of Crunchy spouting prejudice and ideological assumptions as fact and without any grounding whatsoever. I don’t doubt there are horror stories, and a murky side the ‘the industry’, but to tell other women who have ACTUAL LIVED EXPERIENCE that they’re either wrong or fantasists is idiotic and myopic.

The ideologically-driven story telling makes me think of the 2009 Poppy Project study that created a moral panic about trafficked women and girls and Dennis McShane making an absolute knob of hims of on Mewsnight, quoting the Mirro’s front page as if it were some sort of peer reviewed academic study.

Again, I’m sure it exists, but making up lies and claiming them as fact serves nobodies interests . A good read, here:

www.theguardian.com/uk/2009/oct/20/trafficking-numbers-women-exaggerated

Apologies for the typos! Ipad’s fault!

I notice no one responded to my question about male strippers upthread. I’d be interested to know how many of those criticising have seen male strippers in the past, or enjoyed hen dos where male strippers were booked, or swooned over the magic mike movie.

What is very sad is the double standards you are setting for women. Claiming to be feminists but blaming women for trafficking and sex crimes, instead of blaming the men responsible.

It’s interesting how all the dancers and ex dancers on this thread have remained polite, patient, accommodating to the questions and retained calmness and dignity despite some very rude comments directed towards them/us.

I think that speaks volumes and I for one am proud to be a part of that group of women.

Thanks babycham, I agree with you.

Probably also worth noting that, along with convicted thief, Dennis McShane, known hypocrite and user of rent boys and cocaine, Keith Vaz was also spouting the same mindless, careerist shite.

MN, please note, both McShane and Vaz have (ultimately) confessed to their crimes. This isn’t remotely libellous.

Claiming to be feminists but blaming women for trafficking and sex crimes, instead of blaming the men responsible.

That bit stood out to me too. Women shouldn't have to take the blame and feel shamed for doing something they want to do. Instead blame those responsible for doing any trafficking.

The same old tropes about trafficking in the ‘sex industry’ are wheeled out . Yet sthe same proponents always go quiet at the mention of Primark slave labour (for example) and Vietnamese nail salons (the biggest single source of trafficking in the UK).

Funny that.

CadyHeron, fair comment. I hope you’ll be taking an equally strong judgmental stand with regard to women using South East Asian-run nail salons? If not, why not?,

I’ve never seen a male stripper. But it is manipulative and disingenuous to claim it’s the same thing. The power balance is completely reversed.

I have been in a pub when a strippergram (yeah, I’m quite old) came in and completely disrobed, I was properly shaken by the atmosphere from the male customers of the busy pub. There’s no way that woman was doing that job for the fun of it.

Women are at risk from men in a way that men are not at all at risk from women.

Also I think you’ll find most of us who object to the sex trade also avoid Asian nail salons and Eastern European car washes. I’m also vegan and don’t buy Nestle.

I hope that qualifies me to hold an opinion?

. Dancing helped me escape from a hugely damaging and abusive relationship

Anyone see a pattern here?

we are not discussing nail salons, car washes, agricultural work, slaughterhouses or any other known destination for trafficked people as far as I know?

I hope you’ll be taking an equally strong judgmental stand

Hey, I'm not judging, think you've misread me? I'm all for this thread,I find it interesting! I'm saying if there is any trafficking going on, blame the men responsible. Why should the women who enjoy or want to do it have to give up doing what they love? They shouldn't.

if there is any trafficking going on

well yes there is.

I was a dancer long before and after I met my abusive ex petrolpump28 and he would have been abusive if I had been a nursery nurse or a beautician or a teacher or any number of other jobs. He was abusive to his girlfriends prior to me and after me, and none of them were strippers.

Yet those with actual experience claim not to have seen any trafficking and can’t see why or how it would make economic (let alone moral) sense for the clubs.

The trafficking obsession seems to be held with those of absolutely no primary knowledge of the industry. What a coincidence.

It’s curious to see some strands of modern feminism fully converge with conservatism on so many issues. Maybe the two were never so far apart in the first place.

Tokenbrit

Qualified to have an opinion? Absolutely. As we all are.

Qualified to tell other people how they should live their life based on your own judgements? Absolutely not.

I've seen male strippers. A local 'ladies' night' my friend dragged us all to. There were waiters just wearing aprons and I didn't know where to look. I just didn't want him.sitting yo me.

The strippers themselves struck me as the ones with the power- like the fit boy in.school when you're ugly and awkward. The women.just got giggly (apart from the one absolutely feathered on £5. Bottles of primeval trying to hump the floor). One woman I was friends got pulled up on stage and had to underneath him whilst he waved his Willy at her. She clearly hated it. I found it demeaning for us as women, whereas the men I know who've been to strip clubs have just enjoyed looking at naked women dancing. But maybe it's cos I'm not attracted to hairless, shiny men who love themselves.

are women trafficked into this country to work as dancers/prostitutes?

Yes or No?

Are terrified women with little or no English competing on an even playing field with women who are savvy and doing it for money?

I've been to a "ladies night" with a stripper too. It was a great night out.

I can honestly say I have never met a trafficked woman in a strip club petrolpump28 . Brothels I can well imagine, but no strip club which values it's license is going to employ women trafficked or pimped. They're just not. Strip clubs are controlled by licensing, they are checked and double checked and then checked undercover. It's not like a wild west free for all with dangerous Dave at the helm cracking the whip and doing as he pleases.

Add to that, strip clubs aren't brothels, you can't force men to spend money on dances, or VIPs, or sit downs, with brothels, men are going in to spend money with a purpose, they want to fuck a woman. There are too many variables in a strip club, why would a pimp of a trafficked woman put her in a strip club where she may not make any money, where you pay (often large amounts of money) to work, where as you say, not speaking English etc would pit her at a disagreement, when he can force her to work in a brothel where there is a steady stream of paying customers.