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Original poster

My sister has been hurting her son

306 replies

Kickpot · 20/10/2026 08:56

I wasn't sure where to post this, and I'm not even sure I'm expecting responses, but I needed to write this down somewhere.

I recently found out that my sister and her partner have been neglecting and physically and verbally abusing my nephew (her son).

He is 5 years old and this has probably been going on since she met her partner when my nephew was around 2 years old. My nephew is autistic and has only recently started speaking in a way that others can understand, previously he would repeat certain quotes over and over. I believe this is one of the reasons they were able to hide what they were doing as they would brush behaviours off as "autism" and he couldn't tell us any differently.

I live abroad and only visit my family once a year. I video call often and my sister would send photos and videos most days. I thought they had a normal life. If anything, I was proud of her as it seemed her parenting journey was much harder than my own and yet she was so happy. The guilt I have that I was too far away to notice that things weren't right, and that I'm still too far away to really help is all consuming.

This all only came to light as his teacher became suspicious. Then my mum found bruises. It has spiralled from there.

The thought that he has spent his short life feeling afraid and unable to ask for help is destroying me. The thought that my sister has inflicted such harm on a child, and watched as the man she chose did too, makes me sick. They recorded a lot of it. My sister shared the videos on the family WhatsApp as she believed they would absolve her. The images and the sounds never leave me, day or night. I don't know who she is anymore. I don't know how my nephew will ever trust an adult again.

My nephew will stay with my parents now, hopefully permanently. I offered to have him live with me but that would upend his whole life. He loves his school and he has all of his therapies already set up in their town. My sister wants him back though, as does her partner. That surely won't be allowed?

I don't know if anyone will read this. I'm just devastated.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kickpot · Yesterday 10:42

Ted27 · Yesterday 08:52

@Kickpot
Neither arran or myself have offered excuses for child abuse
Both of us have spent years raising neglected and traumatised children and young people.
When your nephew asks questions in the future you will need more than just mummy was a bad person.
This weekend I had to tell my 22 year old that his birth mum had been found dead, do you think mum was a bad person who deserved to die alone from an overdose and not be found for 3 days would have been a good explanation for him?
I quite clearly said your sister has failed to protect her child- how is that excusing child abuse ?
I have suggested you get legal advice and given you a reputable website for families in your position, I get that you are hurting right now, but if you cannot see good advice, then there is nothing I can do.

Edited

We are way down this road. I have explained much of this. I came here to try to process my own thoughts and feelings on this.

Please go away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kickpot · Yesterday 11:51

MaryMaggot · Yesterday 00:49

There’s little to no point in trying to understand where this behaviour comes from, tempting though as it might be. A person would drive themself insane. What we know and what OP knows is that the behaviour of the little ones trusted parents was terrible.

Show quote history

I think it's for my sister to investigate anything underlying. She has a lot of support so I'm sure they will point her in the right direction.

OP posts:
Thisismetooaswell · Yesterday 11:56

I am so very sorry about this - poor little boy. I was going to say what someone else has already mentioned, about keeping notes. I have a book (my child is disabled with numerous things wrong so multiple appointments with a wide variety of professionals) and I keep a note of every appointment, date, time, what was said etc. I find it really helps to 1) keep a track of everything that is going on and 2) have it all in one place so I don't have to hunt around. I can also keep the book away from my child if necessary. Just a thought. Good luck to you all

Original poster
Kickpot · Yesterday 16:48

Thisismetooaswell · Yesterday 11:56

I am so very sorry about this - poor little boy. I was going to say what someone else has already mentioned, about keeping notes. I have a book (my child is disabled with numerous things wrong so multiple appointments with a wide variety of professionals) and I keep a note of every appointment, date, time, what was said etc. I find it really helps to 1) keep a track of everything that is going on and 2) have it all in one place so I don't have to hunt around. I can also keep the book away from my child if necessary. Just a thought. Good luck to you all

Thank you. Yes my parents have a book too. There are so many appointments and discussions, it would be impossible to keep it all in their heads!

OP posts:
Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · Yesterday 19:48

Op you and your parents are amazing.
I have no advice but your dedication is really lovely to see. 💐
signed, one of three who ended up in care

Original poster
Kickpot · Yesterday 19:52

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · Yesterday 19:48

Op you and your parents are amazing.
I have no advice but your dedication is really lovely to see. 💐
signed, one of three who ended up in care

That's very kind to say. I'm so sad to hear so many stories of people who went through similar experiences as children. I hope you're having a happy and love-filled life now.

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