My sister has been hurting her son

I’m so sorry for the repeated posts I’ve got crap signal right now!

Keeping in mind he was 2.5 years old when the first video was captured. In the last video he was 4 years old and he asked to go to nana's door.

My heart broke a little reading that 💔. Thank goodness he has his nana and grandad and you all fighting for him xx

Omg @Kickpot . What were your sister's reasons for videoing all the abuse?

Thank goodness you and his grandparents are there for him but it must be extremely unsettling for him for his mother to have visitation, surely that will set him back?

I feel so sad for all of you especially your nephew. Your sister and her boyfriend need prison time for this abuse but filming it? Proving they abused him? Thats insanity.

@Kickpot re: your post of 15:55 Ive seen the results of that and worse. I'm afraid, much, much worse.

As have, I'd bet, a number of police and some social workers who happen to have read this thread.

What I said is that I can understand how some people start down that road. My own personal understanding stops fairly quickly after that.

Again, understanding to some degree and condoning / justifying are NOT the same thing.

Anyway I'll bow out now, but I do wish you and most of all your nephew the best. And your parents. You havent said how old they are but they are going to need a lot of support - the shock they are going through, taking on a traumatised autistic little boy, fielding the social worker, the devastation they must be feeling about their grandson's mother, and becoming (in effect) parents when older is a lot.

How could it be proportionate though when it's quite obviously abuse? How did she justify it? She sounds a bit like she's got Mh problems. Do you think she might be bipolar? I have a relative who is and they're very delusional at times.

Wow. I was trying to help.

Good luck to you :o

@Kickpot how are you doing today hen? Any news from your mum, how is she doing? You’ve been in my thoughts, all of you.

It's absolutely heart breaking 💔

@Kickpot

I am an adoptive parent and foster carer. Firstly @Arran2024 is an adoptive parent who I've known for several years.

This is a really difficult time for your family. I'm glad your nephew is safe- that is of course the priority. If you are worried about your dad and the financial situation, get the child benefit paid to them. It also sounds like your nephew might be eligible for DLA so do look into that.
I'd also suggest you look at the support groups for kinship carers. I'll post a link to a website for you.
I can see you are quite naturally struggling with why your sister has behaved like this. Nothing I say next is an attempt to excuse her behaviour.
Was your sister managing ok before this man moved in? Its not uncommon for abusive men to prey on vulnerable single mums. I've sat in meetings with the mum and 'step dads' of the children I have fostered and its been very clear that its the man who has had complete control over the household. I obviously have no idea if this is the case with your sister, but it is possible that she is also a victim of this man.
There are other possible scenarios, nothing excuses her behaviour, but having some insight into why, could be very important to your nephew in the future.
That said, she has failed in her primary duty to protect her child. In the long term, unless she accepts responsibility and ditches the man, she is unlikely to get custody. I would get legal advice though from a family lawyer.
This is an incredibly difficult situation, with a lot of complex emotions, nothing with be resolved any time soon, but this is the start of a long journey for you all.

https://kinship.org.uk/what-is-kinship-care/

Why video? Probably the same as all the other sick abusive parents out there .. for their own perverted, twisted enjoyment of the situation - something us ‘normal’ people will NEVER understand.

Oh my god.

There’s little to no point in trying to understand where this behaviour comes from, tempting though as it might be. A person would drive themself insane. What we know and what OP knows is that the behaviour of the little ones trusted parents was terrible.

A fair few years ago (early 2010's I think) a mother or two mothers posted on FB a video of encouraging two very young children to batter the crap out of each other. Clearly thought it was hilarious and no problem at all. The police and SS were involved.

There is one story from America that I can find on google (and no, I didnt watch the videos) but I am sure that the one I remember was from the UK.

Some people's view of what is ok/funny is so fucked up.

Wow!! How awful for your nephew! I feel sick reading what his own mother has done to her child. It’s one thing abusing your child but abusing a vulnerable child who can’t communicate is just vile!!! How could anyone to this to a child is beyond me. I’m not a perfect parent by any means but at the age of 2.5 to abuse your helpless child for years is just disgusting! The mental trauma he will carry around with him for years. I would never allow him to go back there. I really hope social services sort this out for your nephew so he doesn’t go back to her. I’d genuinely beat my sister up if she ever done this, I’d make her feel the same pain she caused. I really fell for your family right now and I hope your nephew and parents are doing okay xxx

@Kickpot
Neither arran or myself have offered excuses for child abuse
Both of us have spent years raising neglected and traumatised children and young people.
When your nephew asks questions in the future you will need more than just mummy was a bad person.
This weekend I had to tell my 22 year old that his birth mum had been found dead, do you think mum was a bad person who deserved to die alone from an overdose and not be found for 3 days would have been a good explanation for him?
I quite clearly said your sister has failed to protect her child- how is that excusing child abuse ?
I have suggested you get legal advice and given you a reputable website for families in your position, I get that you are hurting right now, but if you cannot see good advice, then there is nothing I can do.