Has anyone chosen to be the non-resident parent after separation?

Absolutely not. I was horrified at the thought of the 50/50 that was agreed in the settlement, but lo and behold I need not have worried because if we hit 80/20 he's doing well. I wouldn't want it any other way.

It's hard yes, but I can't think of anything more sad than two parents slugging it out over who wants to have the children least. They need at least one wholehearted grown up in their corner as a constant who leaves them in no doubt.

I get the point you are making and for the vast majority of women this is true. But, you surely recognise not every woman who becomes a mother is maternal and develops all those lovely nurturing ways? Being a mother is tough and it isn't natural for all women. In what way do you think your post is helpful to the OP? She sounds overwhelmed and exhausted. Your post is the equivalent of kicking someone when they are down.

You wouldn't ask a man that and it's natural for women to nuture and be natural parents?? Hope no woman who suffered PND and couldn't bond with her child ever asks you for advice. Such a misogynistic thing to say. Women aren't breeding machines.

You speak only for yourself, not all of womankind. I am a mother and I don't understand or recognise your description. I am not automatically nurturing because of being a woman. I wanted kids in theory, in reality it turns out not so much. Except that once you have them, you cannot return them. I find it sad that you would fight to keep your children away from a father who wanted to be in their lives.

OP, I have my 3 children 90% of the time. Their Dad lives in the street next door and sees them for 48 hours every other weekend. 2 of my kids have SEN. I am an angry, exhausted and burnt out Mother. Not the Mother I was supposed to be of could have been. I feel very sad about it and worry every day about how I am messing up my kids by barely being able to cope. Finances are so tough and I have so much guilt.

So yes, some days I would absolutely take being the NRP so that I could rest, work, not use every penny on childcare, have hobbies and see friends. I often feel like I’ve ruined my life. I do love my kids but if I’d know this would have been my life I’m not sure I would have chosen this path.

The way society judges Mothers and Fathers differently makes me rage too!

And why does this fall to the mom in this case not the dad? Why can he decide no i dont want my children full time but she cant?

I've NCd as this will be outing -

I was the NRP with my ex husband having the kids the vast majority of the time.

When we split up I knew I was going into a mental health crisis, it was part of the reason we split, and I also had some physical health stuff going on. I could hardly look after myself let alone 2 kids. Thankfully our split wasn't messy and contact happened frequently every weekend and often I'd have tea with them several nights in the week. Unfortunately due to lack of support and reactions to medication changes I did end up getting sectioned twice (once for 4 months and then 6 weeks later for 5 months) contact continued to be every weekend while I had leave out in the community. By the time I got properly well again - which took about 2 years in total the kids were already very settled with my ex husband, he's an absolute brilliant dad, and I felt that their stability was more important so he's remained the resident parent.

Im a lone parent ive done this twice dad number one moved on with a girlfriend he slowly became less present then they had a loss at around 20 weeks I said dont worry about dd focus on your girlfriend he never saw his daughter again dad number two we got married two kids split up he slowly vanished im not the parent I wanted to be my children were emotionally damaged because of this especially my middle child he is medicated due to anxiety he doesn't leave the house these days im not saying this wouldn't always have been an issue but im saying with two parents I would have had it easier

Your supposed to love your children more than you hate your ex but men get away with ditching children and society doesn't give a shit they blame the women must be their fault

Honestly OP i can see why you want the easier life no school runs just do the fun part work pay child maintenance spend quality time on weekends sounds like heaven all fun no responsibility

I found being a parent hard my first was unplanned I took the morning after pill didn't work i thought about it and decided I couldn't go through with an actual abortion I was promised help and support which didn't materialise when dd was born she was a split personality baby very very good then very very bad not going to lie i struggled my sons...I was tricked by my husband into having and again left to get on with it ive struggled its been really hard yes its rewarding but really REALLY hard both my sons have serious additional needs and ive been left to get on with it and CRITICISED for it people who don't help who WON'T help criticising me for trying my best

Its honestly broken me

Try and carve a life for yourself even just a day for yourself its really needed

I'm sorry you're struggling. You’re not wrong. Men can and do often just fuck off. It must be exhausting for you. It's unfair.

Errr, yes they do these days and people generally think that fathers who don't pull their weight are shit.

The only example of can think of is Adrian Mole's mum - so not even real.

Me too. I escaped my abusive ex with two young children with the help of a women's shelter.
One of those children, a boy, was abusive to me after years of hard, brutal, lonely 24/7 graft for more than a decade as a single parents. I had to kick him out. Tyranny.
Dad has money, a flat, a job and a decent pension. I have none of that. Son is now best buddies with his dad.
The other son, also trouble, and I'm the mother, otherwise known as the shock absorber.
Dad's still doing just fine.

Look up Hayley Ann Charles on insta this is her life and she identifies as a brilliant very hands on dad!

But you’re suggesting seeing your kids just 6 days a month would be ideal for you. 50/50 is way more. The kids also feel very loved by both parents, as they both want maximum time with them.

You keep mentioning ‘Care’ and implying you’re better than that. But that is a very low bar to be comparing yourself against.