Son moving in with gf, but I’m not really ok about it 😬

Female dehumanises her. A cat can be female, a horse, a dog. The word for an adult human female is ‘woman’. OP says she didn’t want to use girl or young lady… skipping the appropriate term which is woman. Female as a word isn’t offensive, when describing a man as man but as a woman as female it applies personhood to him but not to her.

Jesus 🙄

I’m just explaining why people get het up about it. Clearly it’s not the most important thing on this thread. But in case people genuinely didn’t know the argument against it… there you go.

I’d be inclined to just turn up at her flat when you know your son is there with some flowers and cake and say you just wanted to give them a little gift and hope she lets you in , so at least you have an idea that she’s genuine and not using him in some way??

She could throw a hissy fit and accuse OP of blindsiding them and breaking their boundaries or something.

As he is vulnerable I would not be agreeing to this unless I had met her and seen the flat. Does she need permission to move him in permanently to her supported living flat? The ‘support’ won’t be for him as well as he’s not been assed and given the place.

however, unless you want to confront him and not treat him like an ordinary adult then you can’t make any moves to stop him.

something I would be concerned about is that she may start saying she doesn’t want him to go home to visit you and if she gets possessive he may start reducing contact to keep her happy. You have no idea what she is like without meeting her, although it’s supported living, you don’t know if she keeps the flat clean and what your son is moving into. You also should really in this circumstance be meeting her parents (if they have them) and finding out if they have any concerns about them moving in together.

On the condom front - most places will do free condoms for under 25s through (for example) the C card scheme. Your son could register for that so he had an option to access free condoms independently if they do decide to become sexually active. You can usually find it with "your county" sexual health services and then digging through their website.

First post nailed it.

Supported living is really expensive. You really have to qualify for adult social care to get the package of support to pay for it. Not everyone with additional needs qualifies.

I agree with Owl55

"I’d be inclined to just turn up at her flat when you know your son is there with some flowers and cake and say you just wanted to give them a little gift and hope she lets you in , so at least you have an idea that she’s genuine and not using him in some way??"

Have you considered how very vulnerable this young woman is? How many people would grab the chance of moving in on her life, seeing free accommodation and, as her previous relationship proves, free sex. This is why care is taken with young people in supported housing to make sure they are not exploited. I am not saying btw that the OPs son is doing this, he sounds as vulnerable as she is, but for supported housing to work, the tenants need good support even if this means restrictions on who lives in the property.

Nothing's final and irrevocable. If it doesn't work out he can come home. Can't he?

Exactly. The LA is protecting vulnerable people from cuckoo-ing.

So she is not a female?

If he is going to move in with her anyway, get positively involved.

Number one is meeting his girlfriend.
Insist that his girlfriend is not mature enough to live with her boyfriend if she can not meet his parents and dearest friends.

Ask DS where would be most suitable for her to meet you. Invite her to tea, walk in the park, etc.
Keep in contact. Help your son identify how he is coping and feeling.

Female is not an insult, it's just a fact.

I agree. Also, if it's not already been said, the young woman could be thrown out of her assisted living accommodation for having ds living with her, especially if (as is likely to be the case) the building is shared by other young people with similar needs. It's a serious breach of her tenancy, and safeguarding issues come into play in respect of the her and all the other young people who reside there. This could be really disastrous for her as I don't expect she'll have loads of alternative living options.
Honestly, it's a terrible idea and it just isn't viable without a lot more planning. Op needs to speak to the safeguarding lead at the college - they will take appropriate action and will likely know more about the assisted living situation or find out, if they don't already know.
In the longer term, if they are still together and want to set up home together, then they can do this, but it will probably need to be away from her current residence. Her support workers may be assist with this, along with support from Op

I'm Nd and so is my dh, I get full pip and he is able to work part-time and we get a small amount of uc.We met online, clicked instantly, I stayed over most nights the following 2-3 weeks and then moved in permanently. We got a house together 2 months later and here we are 7 years on still going strong and have twins now. I rarely leave the house and only met his mum once before we got married. I can't help that I can't cope with people wether family or not. Luckily there understanding like my family are and very good at coming over to get the grandkids and take them out etc. So it can work :)

It will effect her council tax - if she pays it. She’ll lose her single person discount

she’ll also lose some of her housing costs (paid in universal credit) Aa he’ll be classed as a non dependant and her UC will be reduced.

She won’t be paying council tax, as she isn’t working.

Her UC will not be reduced as he isn’t working either. They’ll need to make a joint claim.

Actually think I would be contacting the college just for some general advice really. If she’s in assisted accommodation, she’s likely quite seriously ND and vulnerable. You say your DS is also highest rate of PIP so he too is vulnerable. Should she even be inviting him to live with her or could she get in trouble? This isn’t a “usual” relationship between two naive 19 year olds who think they’re in love.

I would leave him to it but you must have a discussion about contraception, he should not rely on her. A child will ruin his life, at his age. Help him to understand by asking him to describe what life with a new born would be like and without a new born. Financially, practically and emotionally.