Son moving in with gf, but I’m not really ok about it 😬

I understand your worry but you can't stop him. Yes, he might get hurt. That's a normal part of life. Be supportive. Be the person he knows he can turn to if it goes wrong.

Unless he has learning difficulties that impact his day to day functioning and safety, you need to cut the apron strings.

At 19 even if you wanted to stop it in practice you would find it very difficult.

It might go wrong, but he can move out again if necessary. No need for it to spoil his life or future . So long as he's careful about contraception .

What does moving in with her actually entail? Is she living with parents, on her own, in a flat share? Do either of them work etc?

The very last thing to do is be disapproving. The right thing to do is say how exciting, how much you will miss him and that if it doesn't work out or if he needs to stay a bit longer to save up a bit more then he is / they are always welcome in your house. The last thing to do is make it a choice between her or you and make him feel he's got to prove you wrong.

Is it still at the idea stage or at the actually packing his bags stage?

How are they affording it?

I mean his 19 this is exactly what he is meant to do. Spread his wings and move out.

Be encouraging be helpful be available at the end of the phone.

Don’t be judgemental or rude or piss on his parade.

Getting hurt is a normal part of life. Most of us have been hurt by a relationship in our teens and in every decade afterwards, often multiple times over in a short period of time. You can't and shouldn't shield him from it and living at home is not going to stop it from happening either.

'Female'

Everyone on here will say you can't stop him, but I certainly would. What's the financial situation?

I'd say it's pretty unusual for someone to move in with a partner that their parents have never met. 6 months is also pretty fast for moving in together.

What will the living situation be OP? Renting together, moving in with her parents?

I have a neurodiverse child and I know how intense everything is and how everything needs to happen immediately.

All I can suggest is that you do your best to keep in contact with him without being too overbearing. Keep everything positive about his move and try again to meet her/her family. Perhaps offering to help him move so you can perhaps pop in and say hello.

Most importantly I'd make sure he has a safe place to return to, without feeling shamed, if it does go wrong. Hopefully it won't but a safe exit is important if needed.

In your shoes, yes I’d be terrified

Setup a fuck you fund for him. It’s something I think every parent of a daughter should do, and it doesn’t hurt to do it for a son as well. You don’t have to tell him about it. If it works out, the money will just sit there gaining interest and be a nest egg. If it all goes to hell, you can give it to him to help him move on.

My son did this at 20. No neurodivergence but the woman had a baby and I thought it was a lot for him at a young age. I played along with it because I wanted to keep him close. I actually ended up becoming very fond of her and the baby, and stopped having to pretend. The relationship didn’t last and in the end he came home, which maybe he wouldn’t have done had we fallen out. Play the long game, OP.

Aside from anything else, her refusing to meet you is a huge red flag. ND or not that's extremely rude.

I suppose in reality you can't stop him, but make sure he knows he's welcome to come home if he needs to and I'd try and help him out with signing rent agreements and stuff like that just so you know exactly what he's getting into.

I get it OP but if he has capacity to make his own decisions you really do need to accept that he's an adult now and needs to figure life out on his own.

Is he someone who would require assisted living if he was to move out independently from you?

I imagine you have had a a very very tricky time of it over the years with your son @Yoursharp ?

If she can't cope with new people, not even her boyfriend's lovely parents, then moving in her presumably means he won't be able to invite anyone round ever. If she won't come to visit you, then he's going to be stuck forever on only visiting you (or any of his friends) on his own. That probably means not seeing you at Christmas, because she's not going to want to be left on her own while he goes to visit you.

She needs to work on coping with new people. Can you convince him that he needs to help her with this, and that moving in might actually do the opposite, as she'll have even less reason to venture out?

In the end of the day, you probably can't stop him, if he can afford it. You just need to make sure that he knows he can come back any time, for a visit or for good.

My dc went to uni and both lived with people I hadn’t met in a shared house and then in their third year lived with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

obviously this situation is a bit different but I assured both of mine they would be welcome to live with me at any point, just pick up the phone or turn up.

one said “you live in a muddy field in the middle of nowhere, no thanks” (and has stuck to it but he does live in London) the other is currently back with me temporarily.

Who’s paying for this independent life? Does he have a job? I would be highly expecting him to be back home in the near future. But I may be wrong. It would bother me a lot too. He met her 8 weeks ago and you’ve never even seen her.

I’d be concerned about contraception

Nah sorry, you need to meet this girlfriend and her parents.

She could be fucking anyone. X

See that wasnt an intentional double entendre but its true...

He needs to be protected from himself, step in and go to this girlfriends house, sorry. Something is very off and id be worrying (not that youre not a great mum, op, i'm sure you've had your work cut out for you) xx