Poking holes in condoms!

@AgeingMillennial Well I do think that's why many men who "definitely don't want more children" don't get a vaesectomy. Which is, of course, inherently selfish.

It’s a crime so I don’t blame you for wanting to avoid them. It’s reproductive coercion.

When it comes to the point of men string women along, the women think they have found a man on the same page. These aren’t women who fall for men who say they don’t want kids and think they’ll be able to change their minds; these are women who meet men who say they want kids and we’ll try next year. They keep kicking the can down the road, wasting the woman’s chances to conceive.

It doesn’t make pregnancy by deception right, but let’s not blame the woman and say it’s her fault for being future faked.

That is horrifying.

Really not convinced this is a real thread either.

but for those wondering, yes small holes can be an issue - back in the 90s at some point, there was a campaign for condom use in South Africa (I think) to prevent HIV spread and for contraception, except the condoms were stapled to the leaflets advising how to use them (religious area where they would not normally be used), leaving almost invisible holes. People were then told not to use them after all, and the incident led to damaged trust in public health campaigns for a while. I don't think it's known how many additional pregnancies and/or cases of virus transmission occurred, as I don't think it would be easily measured, but it was certainly a concern.

Exactly they don’t get one because they know they want kids ‘at some point’, just probably not with this poor women they’ve been using and abusing for 6/7 years.

I’m not saying it’s great to do it, I just don’t care about it under those circumstances. If he really didn’t want kids he would get the snip.

No one is ever owed a baby, doesn’t matter how long they’ve chosen to stay with the wrong person. This is disgusting.

Let's just hope he doesn't have the clap or something as she might get more than she bargained for

Are you joking?? This would legally be rape if a man did it to a woman.

Am sure this sort of thing happens a lot, and more than we will ever know. Women saying yeah it’s ok I’m on the pill when they’re not, saying I’m not in the fertile part of my cycle when they are etc etc

Also condoms are not 100% effective even with perfect use so I’m not sure why the partner is “shocked”

Completely agree. I sincerely hope some of these responses are just "rage bait".

Some PPs don't seem to realise that two things can be true at once. Yes, a man stringing a woman along is morally reprehensible and deceitful, but so is poking holes in a condom. You can't condone and justify one act due to another.

Was someone stopping her from leaving him? This is a ridiculous excuse.

Well said.

The OP's "friend" needs to read the many threads on here from women whose partners/husbands don't pull their weight.

She's a piece of shit but "Meh"

What a world you live in.

Hmm, if you’re to be believed, it makes me wonder if the 85% efficacy for condoms would be a lot higher were it not for some women sabotaging but pricking the condom or inseminating herself from the used condom post-coitus.

The fact you can post what you have done and for this NOT to be coming from a place of personal anguish is crazy… and shows that, with the anonymity of MN as cover, some people’s hidden psychopathy comes on full display!

context doesn't matter. manipulating contraception is fucked up! She had a choice to leave.

It’s wrong. I would have thought obvious as lubricant would leak. Not that I have ever had a poke at a condom packet with a pin. Agree that if a bloke did this it would be very bad. But the urge to have a child is huge, it’s what we’re designed to do and he wasn’t listening. I don’t think I’d end friendship but I might say “Too much information, that’s between you and him!” And change subject rapidly.

We should be very cautious about forcing someone to be a parent against their will. Tricking a man like this is plain wrong. If he was 'stringing her along' she should have left him.

If you belive that stealthing is rape (which I do) then I find it hard that this can be condoned In any circumstances. Yes I also know it is not the same.

They’re supposed to be 98% effective “with perfect use”. My DH and I have used condoms for 15 years. We have never had an accident and if we did I would use the morning after pill. I don’t think it’s always women poking holes in things, but they’re supposed to be very effective if used properly so it does call into question how this 15% of “accidents” are happening. Even if they are genuine accidents you could argue that it’s laziness/ignoring the rules on the part of the users.

Exactly. And now that child is going to have a father that never wanted them. How is this is acceptable to anyone here?

YANBU, but there have been threads like this before and there is a vocal contingent of women who think having a child is their god given right and don't care who they hurt (including the supposedly much wanted child) in the process.

I agree.

What is wrong with these women?

This is a bollox thread. Don’t mind if I get deleted

Me and DH have 1 child together (he has 2 from a previous relationship) and due to him being older than me, he absolutely doesn't want any more. We discussed this before trying for our DS. After becoming a Mum, I would now love another but obviously respect his position and have come to terms with the fact that we will stop at 1.
He is on the waiting list for the snip so that I can eventually come off hormonal contraception.
What absolutely shocks me is that when discussing this with friends (using the term loosely), so far I've had 6 different people say I should just stop my pill and not tell him as time is ticking for me to get pregnant before he gets the snip 😳
Honestly shocked that women think that's ok...I definitely see them in a different light now too.