Poking holes in condoms!

Loads of things are “wrong” in marriages. I’d rather have an unplanned pregnancy than an affair, for instance.

I don’t think it happened, anyway. Notice how the scandalised OP hasn’t been back at all.

It’s not real, it’s yet another one of those engagement farming threads designed to provoke a reaction. They all follow the same pattern with a divisive AIBU. Who’s doing it I don’t know as Mumsnet have said they are not behind them but they are really obvious to spot now. It’s been going on a while and is just getting worse.

It is totally unfair of her to have put this moral dilemma on you, that guilt should be hers alone to sit with. I think it depends on whether there are other kids are involved, but if this is the first one, I would probably tell the husband so they can split and co-parent. What a disgrace of a person, and an awful mother deliberately bringing a child into the world with a father that doesn't want it. I would cut contact, I doubt she only lies in this one area of her life and who wants to be around that type of person.

Same.

I think if you’re happily settled with a man who didn’t mess you around, you just won’t get it.

I’ve been lucky but I have many friends in this position. Most of the kids are ‘accidental’ ones.

I wouldn’t put myself through the anguish of lifelong childlessness just to be the ‘bigger person’ here.

I cannot be the only person who has met a guy who will only use the condom he carried ?

I think it is a disgusting thing to do to someone. It is a complete betrayal of trust.

If my husband had ever messed with my birth control I would have been incandescent. Had I become pregnant because of it? I dont think the relationship would have survived.

No it doesnt. It's entirely immoral and possibly illegal. Its stealthing.

This thread is a gift to misogynistic men who scream about baby trapping.

of course pinholes in condoms can lead to someone being pregnant. Sperms are tiny and 'programmed' to do anything to get to their target.

Yes, a tiny pinhole is enough to get someone pregnant. A single pinhole would be enough for thousands of sperm to get through.

His consent to having sex was conditional on use of a condom. By sabotaging the condom, she has invalidated his consent. If a man did it, he would be guilty of rape. She cannot be convicted for rape, but she is likely to be guilty of sexual assault and could also be prosecuted for controlling or coercive behaviour. The fact that a condom is not 100% reliable as a method of contraception is irrelevant.

Really? Do you think rape (stealthing is a form of rape) is ok if its to avoid "the anguish of lifelong childlessness" too.

This is an appalling comment. What is wrong with you? It’s no different from stealthing, which by definition of lack of consent, is rape.
You are disgusting and need to take a hard look at yourself.

No, she's wrong full stop. If it was the latter situation that you outline, then the answer would be to leave him, not to trick him into pregnancy.

I suspect that's why it was started

It's illegal if the bloke would not have consented to sex if he knew she'd done that. Similar cases have won in court for that reason (a woman who got pregnant when her husband said he would pull out but didn't. )

This is a marriage, not a one night stand!!

I couldn't get worked up over this really. Of course it's wrong but I would still support my friend.

i have never understood this, surely you would see the pinprick on the packet. Any mark like that is very easy to spot.

Well he hasn’t been tricked had he. It wasn’t like he was unknowingly having sex in sleep.

He was voluntarily having sex which is the core action for reproduction

Condoms have a typical real world failure rate of 13%. If the friend's DH was that dead set against possible pregnancy why did he not insist on doubling up on contraception?

This is clearly not your friend's finest hour but the context is important. If they already have several children and really can't afford another that's one thing but if the husband has been dithering around for years "making up his mind" and her only reproductive opportunity is drifting away through age, I'd judge less harshly.

Messing with someone’s contraception, without their consent, is never ever okay. Doesn’t matter what the context is. Absolutely diabolical behaviour from your friend. I don’t think I could continue a friendship with someone who thinks that’s acceptable. Imagine it was the other way around and he was messing with her pill etc. Just no.

It's really not, especially in dim light or if you aren't looking for it. Take it from someone whose dickhead team poke pinholes in each others drink cans as pranks.

This made up crap was doing the rounds in Just17, Dear Deirdre and More back in the 90s.

It was bollocks then and is still utter bollocks now.

Oh, this makes me remember why my sixth form friend got sacked from a well known but now defunct supermarket in the 80's. She was devastated as the pay was her spending money for the week.

Anyway part of her job was stacking shelves and filling up displays and the condom stand was running short. There were individual condoms in a packet and boxes of condoms and the ones on the display has little plastic hooks attached and were on a holder. So she stapled the plastic hooks onto the cardboard boxes and put them on the displays and then stapled through the individual condoms to put them on the display. She had been doing this as part of her stocking duties for 2 months at the stage her boss caught her! Bye bye job...not the smartest bunny.

We put the baby boom in our vicinity solely down to her,

Luckily for the men who have had this done to them there are laws that make you incorrect.

It's like saying "well she knew she was going to have sex so why is it a problem he was rough or stuck it up her arse". You consent to the sex you're comfortable with. In this case sex with a functioning condom.

I've heard of men getting out of CMS due to this. Ideally they've have wished their ex wife prison time.