Poking holes in condoms!

Your friend is unhinged @condomgate

I feel sorry for her husband.

Absolutely spot on.

@dottiedodah

they can get sperm donors then

Just eff off - what kind of man-hating and utterly despicable individual would comment as you have? How dare you disregard my lived experience and my actual knowledge of my own lived life? What a bloody ghoul.

You don’t know what you are talking about. My mother was an abusive, selfish, nasty woman who physically and psychologically abused, neglected each of her children and also every man she had a relationship with. She was a criminal in every legal sense of the word (theft and fraud) and had a criminal record as a result - just not for stealthing as it was not understood at the time. Intentionally getting pregnant by deceiving her partner into what he understood was protected sex was something she did at least twice (she did it to KEEP my stepfather married to her for a longer additional period). She weaponised her biology and ability to get pregnant and used it to trap men into financial obligation.

It may be hard to imagine but women can be vile, some are not vulnerable, can weaponise sex - but they bloody well can. Just how the fuck can you get off blaming a man who genuinely thought he had agreed the terms on which he would have a mutual sexual relationship, the basis for his giving consent, for a woman abusing that trust?

You re no better than the people who blame rape victims for wearing short skirts or getting drunk on a night out because ‘if they gave the impression they were up for it’ they were asking for it. Or the person who is physically assaulted by a partner being too rough and strangling or beating them as part of the sex act. NO ONE - male or female - deserves to have their consent taken away.

It does women a disservice when even a tiny minority of them act like OP’s friend, like my mother - and undermines all the work done to protect them, the law and procedures that have evolved to ensure women and girls, and any vulnerable person, from sexual assault and it consequences. Men and women are entitled to have sex with consensual partners, and wanting to do so does not mean they deserve abuse or assault.

I thought I had read everything on MN, but FFS.

Just to set out the law as it currently stands...

If a woman agrees to sex provided a condom is used and the man then fails to use a condom or uses a condom he knows to be damaged, that is rape. However, if the condom becomes damaged during sex and he carries on because he is unaware of this, that is not an offence.

If a man agrees to sex provided a condom is used and the woman deliberately damages the condom, that is likely to be sexual assault and possibly also causing a person to engage in sexual activity without consent (which is a separate offence from rape but would carry a similar sentence in this situation).

If a man falsely claims to have had a vasectomy or a woman falsely claims to be on the pill or similar, no offence has been committed as this is about the consequences of intercourse, not the physical nature and purpose of the act (R v Lawrence in the Court of Appeal, 2020). This is often highlighted as a gap in the law on the basis that intentional deception about matters that are a deal breaker for a partner undermines consent, but this needs parliament to decide whether to change the law.

I'm rather astonished you don't understand that sperm are microscopic...

Just because you are desperate to be a mum doesn’t justify deceiving someone into getting you pregnant.

Equally if she did want kids she should have divorced him and found someone else on the same page.

Seemingly.

How big do you think sperms are?

Meh. You'd think that someone who does not want to get married or have children, or even a long term relationship would want to take responsibility
No, makes perfect sense that he'd leave it up to his casual shag 🤔
Men love to claim they were 'tricked' when the simple answer is for them to look after their own sexual health and reproduction.

Anyway, I was actually referring to this re: your mother: "..but as I understand it if a women were to do that today, it would absolutely be assault because she has deprived him of the ability to give informed consent"

Nope. Not assault. Just another man who rolled the dice and lost 🤷‍♀️

Absolutely wrong of her to do. Why hasn’t he had the snip if he didn’t want anymore kids?

Someone I worked with Thor pregnant while long term bf thought she was on the pill. She’d actually stopped the pill months before and was on Clomid. I never thought of her the same after that, especially as she told this to us all but never told bf

Disgusting behaviour. If the guy had be stringing the woman along it still doesn’t make it any less of a shitty thing to do. The woman is selfish and only thinking of herself. What kind of person puts their own needs above that of a child. Nothing wrong with being a one parent family but actively chosing to have a kid with someone who doesn’t want to is messed up.

Would it also beok for a man to do this to a woman and get her pregnant?

You should be able to trust the person you're with. We tell men to take responsibility for their own contraception, so you can hopefully trust your partner not to mess with the condoms.

I mean, we have one where we just didn't bother with the condom and neither of us bothered to check whether we were in the riskiest time of the month or not. I hold us both responsible for that one.

I think this is awful and she should be ashamed of herself really.

😂😂😂

The pin hole will stretch when it's put on and the tadpoles will escape

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/part/1/crossheading/rape

I guess you could poke the hole one side and not go all the way through to the other while still damaging the condominium. The other person wouldn’t see it. Also not every woman (or man if the woman hands it to them opened) scrutinises the packets while their partner puts one on. Even if they made packets impermeable to needles a man could still tamper with it quickly while they were putting it on with their back to their partner, or woman could before handing it to them to put on.

It’s criminal behaviour and yes rape.

If you really can do it, it's amazing anything could get through a hole so incredibly fine (even with sperm being miniscule)

Not really; sperm are the smallest cells in the body. The head is only a few micrometers across. A pinhead is at least a mm wide.

Did she explain why she did that?

Hopefully her husband will now get a vasectomy

Just for interest, I once tried poking holes in condoms just to see if you could actually not tell it had been done. I had read some article about it, did it in front of DH, then threw it out. No deception involved. The pin pushed the condom out the hole it made in the wrapper. You'd honestly have had to have been blind to not be able to see the wrapper wasn't intact, and even then, you'd have been able to feel it.

If you really can do it, it's amazing anything could get through a hole so incredibly fine (even with sperm being miniscule), but it's a horrible deception. Best he has a vasectomy now.

It's illegal here in Australia 🇦🇺