Passive aggressive neighbour?

You sound like the neighbour from hell and appear to have driven her out of her own home.

You should be ashamed of yourself. I pity the poor bugger who moves in next. You might find they are less passive in response to your behaviour but no doubt you’ll frame that as you being the victim.

7 times in a month, blasting load music out until 11:30?!

Was that just weekends or weekdays too?

That is absolute torture to some people. In what world do you think that is ok?

I do agree, she should have asked you first. But what would you gave said had she asked you to play it a LOT softer and kill it after 10PM weeknights and 10:30PM weekends?

You are antisocial. Turn your music right down. I live in a terraced house and we don’t hear our neighbours either side.

So, you can reset this behaviour with your new NDN. Keep your noise down, especially after 10pm and be more considerate and aware of the effect you might have on others.
Perhaps when you first meet them suggest that if there's anything bothering them just to knock on the door i.e. let them know you're an approachable person who will listen to justifiable complaints. However, karma says your next NDN is going to be a nightmare!

Christ, I live next door to a hideously noisy person. They were singing along past midnight on Friday night, I put the radio on against the shared wall to block them out and it was on until 1am. Then they had the audacity to bang on the wall over the noise I was making - sound familiar OP? You are moaning too about getting a taste of your own medicine.

It makes me calmer, not hearing them over my radio, I can feel myself unwind. But mine is on top of noise throughout the day, kid running, all footsteps sound like bangs and when the kid is on the scooter, it sounds like I live next to a runway. Sometimes at 5am when come in drunk when she's palmed the kid off to someone else which she likes to do, sound familiar OP?!

I can't tell you how much a neighbour can destroy your home. Talking to them does fuck all - I tried. Every Saturday? Yeah, I wouldn't want to live next to you either. The manure - ha. Perhaps if you were more considerate, she may be going forward. Terraced houses are totally reliant on good neighbours, be a good neighbour.

Hopefully you now have the clarity you sought. I would still apologise if possible, in the knowledge you have possibly driven her from her home. Poor woman and good for her with her “passive aggression”. I’ve lived next to noisy neighbours and it can destroy your mental health. We too ended up leaving. Maybe now self awareness will kick in and you’ll be less selfish with the next neighbours.

If she’s moving I wouldn’t bother with chocolates etc - what’s done is done.

I can’t lie though, I’d hate my neighbours too if I could hear their music til 11:30pm. There’s no reason to have it that loud for that long.

You've reminded me of a really good film about a woman with a noisy drunken neighbour - Restless (2024). You really feel for her, so when she takes matters into her own hands you can kind of sympathise. I don't suggest that you do the same tho 😅

I used to have a noisy drunken neighbour living in a flat above me, he didn't work either. He was an absolute shit when drunk; loud music, fighting other drunks & ranting/swearing. On the very rare occasion that he was sober he was very contrite and apologetic. He once explained to me that he used to have a job, home and wife, but after their 4 year old died in an accident that was he blamed himeself for he completely blew his life up. He hated himself and couldn't stop destroying his life (and ruining it for everyone around him, too). He got an injury to his leg after getting beaten up for the 100th time, didn't get it seen to in the hospital and let it fester. The day i brought my baby home from the hospital i heard a commotion in his flat. It turned out he'd had a massive heart attack due to a blood clot travelling from his leg to his lung and died thrashing around on his floor. Frankly i was relieved i could bring my baby up in peace, and he seemed to get the violent ending that he wanted, hopefully he's got some peace, too.

Sorry, that was a bit morbid.

Why can't you wear headphones?
All neighbours can hear each other so there has to be alot of thought about how much noise you make.
Yes, you are entitled to make a noise in your own home, but just as equally your neighbour is entitled to peace & quiet in hers.

Being able to hear other people's choice of music in your home, especially late at night but really at any time, massively impacts your quality of life.

People who do it are often antisocial in other ways and much more likely to kick off than others, so I can completely understand why she would not want to confront you.

Loud music until 11 every Saturday night is selfish. Why is it ok to inflict that on neighbours

Have you considered joining a fiction writing class in the evenings, that would be quieter.

If she uses abusive language call the police

Tell her you’re learning to play the bagpipes and ask if she can show you. That should break the ice 😂

She did it once and you learnt how it's awful, you automatically knew it was a backfire on you - you've been doing this how long ?!

You are not the one who deserves the sympathy. She literally did it once back and your reaction is not 'oh shes having a lovely evening with music and dancing'

Your thought was 'shes doing that because i've been annoying her'

You knew what you was doing the entire time lmao

sound like you have upset her

if there is no room for chat, possibly there is room for communication to see if your behaviour has upset her and what you can do moving forward to ensure it doesn't continue.

Pop her a note through the door and ask the question and see if you can come to a better understand of each other so both of you are happy. Explain you are open to being told if you are upsetting her

The manure wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

The music on the other hand would drive me crackers. Why is it the people who play music the loudest usually have the worst taste in music? It’s always stuff I have never heard. Maybe it’s me who has the worst taste (entirely possible) but if you are going to inflict that kind of thing on others, at least play something that others might like.

I agree with numerous previous posters though - get some headphones. It sounds like you have made this poor lady’s life utterly miserable and you have been completely oblivious to it.

You blast music out late at night and you're wondering if your neighbour is passive aggressive? You sound like a nightmare.

Are you not noticing that sympathy is lacking yet?

You are either seeing yourself as victim or entitled.

If you are also a council tenant then you could be on a one way trip to homeless as a consequence of your behaviour

Thin walled terreced house and yet you play loud music for hours on end, I pity your neighbour. My neighbour's kids (6, 4 and 2) shout, yell and run around for at least 5 hours every evening. I too am in a terraced house and it really gets to me at times but they are little kids and I accept that is what they are like. You are a fully grown adult who has total control of their actions, turn your music down or use wireless headphones

Our mutual friend has said they were due to move first week October and have already handed in their notice to the Council but now will be calling them on Monday to see if they can end the tenancy this week and will move in with family until then!

Understandable. I would be losing it with the loud music. Hope she gets considerate neighbours next.

Horse manure is harmless. If it was dog poop it would be another matter.

Based on this alone I’d say you’re being unreasonable.
I never understand people who assume others are happy to listen to their music, whether that’s blaring in a house, or a garden.
A party, I get it, but all the time would drive me insane.

She should have spoke to you, but maybe she didn’t feel she could, but surely you’d have way more consideration for those around you?.
Genuinely I’d hate living near someone who played loud music like you describe.