we’re in majorca last full day tomorrow and I am counting down to going home. it’s me, my partner, our three kids and my mum. I have made a mistake bringing her and I don’t know if I’m unreasonable saying this should be the last time we holiday together.
my mum is 63, widowed and lives 20 minutes away. she has mobility problems but is independent and normally manages herself. my brother lives in Scotland and isn’t around much, so most of the practical stuff with mum ends up being me. she kept saying she’d love to see the kids having a proper holiday so I agreed to take her with us.
we’ve paid for it between us, mum has put about £700 in. it’s only a basic 3 star half board place, shared family room etc, definitely not some luxury holiday. I thought we’d all do some things together and she’d do her own thing sometimes while we took the kids off somewhere. I thought that was obvious but maybe it wasn’t.
instead I seem to have spent the week looking after mum. she wants me to go everywhere with her, carry things, get her drinks, help her getting changed for the pool, sort her medication and check menus for her. my partner has ended up doing more with the children because I’m dealing with mum. I’ve missed things the kids wanted to do because mum didn’t want to be left.
she can manage when I’m not there. but if I say we’re going to the beach with the kids she suddenly can’t manage and says she needs me to stay with her. I know her mobility problems are genuine, I’m not saying she’s pretending, but it feels like she needs me whenever I want to do something with my own family. and she is quite capable.
on the fourth night she told another couple at dinner “I don’t know why she’s brought me if she’s going to leave me on my own all the time.” I spoke to her and she said I promised her a holiday and have barely spent any time with her. but I’ve spent nearly every evening sitting with her instead.
I told her I can’t be her carer and enjoy a family holiday I should have made it clearer before we came, but I didn’t expect “together” to mean me being with her and my partner taking over with the kids. I know that sounds awful but I honestly thought we would have time together.
my 18 year old said that he doesn’t want grandma coming on holiday again because “she makes you miserable and then you shout at everyone.” that upset me I hadn’t realised how much it was affecting all of us until he said it.
I feel guilty because mum has paid £700 and will say she’s been treated like a burden. AIBU to tell her this was the last one? I don’t know whether I’m being unfair or realistic about it.