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Original poster

Being offended by being left on read after sex

193 replies

Lollipop7654 · 17/09/2026 06:34

I have started getting close to a guy I have known for years who I know through work (I work in a person facing role). He is going through divorce, as am I. Neither of us has slept with anyone since the person we married. He has been really sweet, helping me with jobs around the house, at his own expense and has brought me chocolates and stuff. He has recently taken me to a medical appointment, which he insisted on doing, then we went for a meal. He has opened up to me about himself, really personal info that I was surprised he told me. He made it clear he didn't want a relationship. I said I don't either, which I don't, I'm happy with the occasional date and sex once in a blue moon (we have busy lives). He is definitely not with his ex because I know his family.
Anyway, we had sex recently for the first and only time. He messaged me straight after to say it was amazing (which it was, I told him that at the time). We were texting each other and before I went to sleep, I told him that the bed smells of him and put a little heart emoji and I said I wished I could have a big cuddle. He saw it and left it on read. No reply at all. I went to sleep really annoyed after a beautiful day.

Am I being unreasonable expecting a reply to this?

He is acting like it was never said. For context, before he left, he gave me a massive squeeze in my hall, for a good few minutes. I was actually taken aback by how affectionate he was the entire time he was here. Now it feels like it's gone to shit so I've withdrawn.

I think it's just damn rude tbh. He didn't even reply the next day. I've messaged him again, cancelling plans to go out and said I'm not in the mood for chatting. I feel rude doing this but I'm too offended to pretend I'm not.

OP posts:
Sodthesystem · 17/09/2026 18:31

TheXisthatway · 17/09/2026 16:51

“oh poor thing is caught up in the heat of it still so not thinking what she is saying, I’ll do her the kindness of ignoring this message”

I really don't think men think like this!

I mean I was trying to sugar coat it. Tbf he probably thought “well no way am I replying to that message”

Laura95167 · 17/09/2026 20:09

"The bed smells of you ❤️ i wish I could have a big cuddle" is quite emotionally loaded for causal sex when youve agreed you dont want a relationship.

He didnt ignore you, you had sex and he said thanks for and amazing time. Of course he didnt reply to that.

But it sounds like you want something less casual than you say

Isinglass20 · 17/09/2026 20:44

Ha! He could’ve responded with : You’re Welcome. Have a nice day🤣🤣

Flannelfeet · 17/09/2026 20:54

I leave my husband on read all the time 🤣🤣🤣, I feel sorry for him now 😬.

shuggles · 17/09/2026 21:05

@Lollipop7654 We were texting each other and before I went to sleep, I told him that the bed smells of him and put a little heart emoji and I said I wished I could have a big cuddle. He saw it and left it on read. No reply at all. I went to sleep really annoyed after a beautiful day.

You getting upset by this means you are infatuated with him.

You can say you don't want a relationship, but your post says otherwise.

Tuesdayschild50 · 17/09/2026 21:23

Its not a relationship he doesn't want a relationship.. yet your texting relationship type messages.. oooh the bed smells of you blah blah and then emojis.. yes he left you on read he could probs feel your emotions a mile off.. you're being unreasonable not him give your head a shake its just sex and listen if people actually listened to what the other was saying.. there would of been no offence taken .
He has gone home got on with life you're lying there with hearts in your eyes .

Tuesdayschild50 · 17/09/2026 21:27

Whoddathoughtit · 17/09/2026 06:42

I’ve had similar happen to me recently and actually sent them a message in the end to say I wasn’t looking for any big romance but I do find it extremely rude to ignore someone you’ve had sex with, grow up. I then blocked them as it wasn’t someone I wanted to see again after that.
done convince yourself in any way that because you guys aren’t in a relationship that he has the right to be disrespectful.
as you’ve messaged now to cancel plans and let him know you’re pissed I wouldn’t message again.
sorry that’s happened OP, we can end up thinking all kinds of reasons why someone behaves like that after being intimate but essentially it’s down to them behaving like a child and not knowing how to communicate, even if he’d woken up and thought he’d regretted it because he’s not ready for example, he could still have messaged back to say his head has gone and he needs some space but that’s a him problem

He wasn't disrespectful though he hugged her for ages and said his goodbyes.. stop moving the goalposts if its sex its just that he made it clear , he is going through a divorce ffs..last thing he wants is ohh the bed smells of you kissy kissy hearts and more hearts.. he just wanted sex get a grip.

Tuesdayschild50 · 17/09/2026 21:28

TotaleclipseinFrance · 17/09/2026 06:43

F*ing hell. What an over the top reaction on your part.
The caffeine hasn't kicked in yet but just sounds as if the text fizzled out.

I agree its fkn ridiculous 🙄

Pedallleur · 17/09/2026 21:33

He is at home thinking 'hope I've dodged a bullet'

Horses7 · 17/09/2026 21:45

I really believe my H would run through fire for me but his mobile use is rubbish.
I don’t think he knows what an emoji is, he often forgets to switch it on and it can take him 5 minutes to type OK (that’s a family joke).
I’m happy to put up with this as he’s pretty perfect 90% of the time.
Perhaps your friend is a bit like this.

Whoddathoughtit · 17/09/2026 21:56

Tuesdayschild50 · 17/09/2026 21:27

He wasn't disrespectful though he hugged her for ages and said his goodbyes.. stop moving the goalposts if its sex its just that he made it clear , he is going through a divorce ffs..last thing he wants is ohh the bed smells of you kissy kissy hearts and more hearts.. he just wanted sex get a grip.

Show quote history

As a grown up he could have said it was too much, just ignoring someone after you’ve had sex is poor behaviour. I say that as someone who’s been on the other side of this situation too where the other person has been to full on when it’s just meant to be sex, I just spoke to them to check in on the boundaries and expectations.
this wasn’t a one night stand
as much as I do agree the OP misjudged the message and might have made the guy a bit worried he should still, IMO, communicate

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/09/2026 22:10

Whoddathoughtit · 17/09/2026 21:56

As a grown up he could have said it was too much, just ignoring someone after you’ve had sex is poor behaviour. I say that as someone who’s been on the other side of this situation too where the other person has been to full on when it’s just meant to be sex, I just spoke to them to check in on the boundaries and expectations.
this wasn’t a one night stand
as much as I do agree the OP misjudged the message and might have made the guy a bit worried he should still, IMO, communicate

Show quote history

He did communicate though:

"He messaged me straight after to say it was amazing (which it was, I told him that at the time). We were texting each other and before I went to sleep, I told him that the bed smells of him and put a little heart emoji and I said I wished I could have a big cuddle. He saw it and left it on read."

They were messaging back and forth. He just didn't reply to her last message.

TheRobotsAreComing · 17/09/2026 22:10

Lollipop7654 · 17/09/2026 07:57

I've read all the responses and will take it all on board. Thank you 😊 Not used to the whole FWB scenario, It's all new ground. I will read a few threads about it when I get chance. It's suddenly gone a bit fast out of nowhere and I feel like an amateur to the whole thing. I appreciate the honest responses from everyone, cheers!

I recommend the book "Why Men Love bitches", it's light hearted and good info for dating/communicating with men. Chalk it up to experience x

Missj25 · 17/09/2026 22:21

weirdoexincident · 17/09/2026 06:59

You both discussed not wanting a relationship.
You had sex.
You sent a text which would indicate a relationship.
This probably confused him, and he didn’t know how to respond.
He went to sleep.

I think the text contradicted the agreement.

Exactly this 👌

Bedlingtonwarrior · 17/09/2026 22:43

FFS
It was only one night.
I don't blame him. Red flags to a man!!!
You could have had a good thing going but have come across as a needy and demanding person who could end up as a stalker
If a man did this on mn to a woman he would be castigated as a wrong 'un

HollyhocksandPeons · 17/09/2026 23:35

But you said you wanted it to be casual?

Zerosleep · 17/09/2026 23:35

I think you got carried away and overstepped. Messaging to say you liked the sex is different to messaging to say the bed smells of him with hearts on it…..that feels like emotional attachment and no wonder he didn’t reply. Huge overreaction from you to not getting a reply, I wouldn't have answered you either if I was clear that I wasn’t looking for a relationship.

Livelovebehappy · 18/09/2026 00:17

Agree with others. You mutually decided you just wanted something casual with no strings attached sex and meet ups, yet as soon as you have sex you seem to be now on a different page. No strings attached means no emotional vibes, but you’ve gone there, and he’s now picked up on it.

worreidaboutdpnow · 18/09/2026 01:00

I dint think I could ever tell someone I had sex with that the bed smells of them. And I wouldn't want it said to me either.
Maybe something like I can still smell your aftershave on my bed would be more appreciated.

InterIgnis · 18/09/2026 01:20

Tbf I’d leave my husband on read if he sent me that.

I wouldn’t have expected, or wanted, that from someone I was casually hooking up with. It’s very intense.

Katflapkit · 18/09/2026 02:22

To be honest I think he whole thing was a mistake. You'd known each other for ages, he insisted on taking to a health appointment, you are both divorcing, I think he would have been a great support resource, good friend, but now you have had sex and made it weird and both of you are spiralling. It's a shame.

One of you needs to know the rules.

Original poster
Lollipop7654 · 18/09/2026 02:33

Regarding cancelling the plans to go out, I'm being checked to see if I have cancer. The plans were that he was going to pick me up from hospital then we were going to get food as I will be starving after the appointment. I've cancelled it because I've realised it's too much for him. My head is fu**ed tbh. I have read every reply and I appreciate the honest feedback. I don't think at this moment in time, this set-up is for me. A really good friendship has kinda gone to shit temporarily. I didn't message at all yesterday. I've stayed in my lane. I think I will let the FWB side of things die off. It was great sex but I don't think this scenario is for me. I will keep him as a friend though, he is a good man. He has helped around the house because they were jobs he is trained to do through his trade. He has paid for materials because I was left financially ruined by my ex and had to suddenly pay nearly £3.5k for childcare for the summer in order to allow me to continue to go to work. He's a good guy, he stepped up when I needed him to as a FRIEND and I will stop being a moody cow because he ignored the message 😆 It's too much. I'm too much atm. FWB is not for me.

OP posts:
CrazyMidget · 18/09/2026 02:52

I think it scared him. People are saying a text exchange has to end somewhere….yes, but you can always just put a heart or smile or thumbs-up emoji on the message. That’s how I usually end text convos.

Your text was the kind of thing you might send if falling in love. It’s a pity you got huffy. Can you walk things back by saying sorry about that text, you were on a post-sex high and got carried away? And then make an excuse for getting huffy? Make a joke out of it. It’s worth trying to fix, imo, because it sounds like you have a nice thing going with him.

“Hi, X! Sorry about my text after you left that night; I was on a post-sex high and got carried away. 🤭 Then I felt really embarrassed. 🙈 I’m over it now, though, and just about ready to look you in the eye again. 😆”

That’s what I would send. Then the ball’s in his court.

I have a similarly nice thing going with someone. A horrible marriage that ended with exH walking out with no warning turned me from a dedicated spouse into someone who’s terrified of commitment. So what I have with this guy is very fun and light-hearted. We’ve been casual lovers for a few years now (we do go weeks or sometimes even months without seeing each other) and I wouldn’t have sent that text. The key, for me anyway, is keeping everything humorous. I also reiterate to him
every so often that I am never marrying or cohabiting with anyone again if I live to be a thousand. You may not be as terrified of commitment as I am post-abuse, so the arrangement might not work for you. Anyway, as someone with a non-committed relationship after divorce, that’s my take.

TheOccupier · 18/09/2026 03:15

Be kind to yourself OP and protect your peace, it sounds like you've been through a lot and still have plenty going on xx

Lacastra · 18/09/2026 03:15

Lollipop7654 FWB is not something I’m cut out for - I’ve learnt that the hard way. Especially when going through a difficult health situation the feeling of safety is so important. Feeling stressed, on edge or misunderstood is undermining. I’ve PM’d you 💐

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