Being offended by being left on read after sex

This. He tells you clearly and openly he wants sex rather than a relationship. You agree, so he has sex with you. And then you respond with hearts, swooning over his scent and longing for him! And then with hurt feelings and punishment of him for not replying.

You’ve made it clear you do want a relationship. He’s probably wondering if the sex is worth the pain in the arse you’re going to be.

Me too 😆

I leave people on read all the time or I sometimes add a 👍 but DD told me that I should just write something instead. This is madness. Not all messages need a back and forth.

The nature of the text, worrying about being left on read and angrily cancelling future plans to go out is not very FWB like. Those are more the expectations you’d have if you were pursuing a relationship with someone and had been led to believe the other person wanted the same.

He’s already made it clear he doesn’t want that so you need to have a think as to whether a FWB type situation is actually for you or if you’re only going along with it in the hope that he’ll eventually change his mind. If it’s the latter you should probably take a step back as it’s a recipe for getting your heart broken.

So he's either been scared off.
Was playing nice to get laid or the conversation just fizzled out and not a big deal.

I think the third option.

As an aside, it strikes me that being in a fwb is more f*ing hard work than being in a relationship.

All this standing on ceremony and being held to account because of a stupid little effing text you innocently forget to send.

Etiquette wise, it seems to be more hard work than being in a relationship or just having one night stands.

Why is this I wonder?

its not like he hadn’t texted you. He did and you’d been chatting on text then you sent one that is clear you’re going to bed so he read it and went to sleep without bothering you by carrying on the chat. Your text didn’t need a response, it was fine to leave it there. The only reason you’re overthinking this and so hurt is because you already want more from this than you both agreed. It’s probably best to end it, but not because he didn’t reply to your text.

He messaged you after sex to say how good it was. That says something. Just play it cool now.

What did you want him to say 😂😂 I’d have left that on read too.

I think it's just damn rude tbh. He didn't even reply the next day. I've messaged him again, cancelling plans to go out and said I'm not in the mood for chatting. I feel rude doing this but I'm too offended to pretend I'm not

That will likely only confirm to him that you’ve developed feelings and DO want a relationship.

And also that he’s dodged a bullet.

He made it clear he didn't want a relationship. I said I don't either

Your answer is right here. You sent him a sentimental, romantic text - that wasn't what he signed up for. He's only interested in sex and companionship - which is fine if that's all you want too, but if you're looking for something romantic, he's not going to be the answer.

She wanted him to say how much he is missing her too. That’s what she wanted and why she is wounded and her pride hurt that he didn’t respond in kind.

But he doesn’t miss her as he was open about wanting something very casual and sex based.

It was supposed to be just sex and yet you’ve started sending heart emojis etc. I think he is probably trying to make clear that he doesn’t want any of that. You have mismatched expectations so probably better to leave it.

(No criticism of you to want more emotional connection btw- I would too- but it’s not what you both signed up for. FWB is not for everyone.)

Why did you agree to just sex and occasional dates when clearly you wish a lot more.

as a pp said the convo had to end somewhere and that seems a reasonable place to me. It feels like you want the teenage thing of you hang up, no you hang up

if you want a full on relationship then say so. Don’t shag guys, say you want casual then get all huffy and that’s what you get, it’s so immature.

Best of luck with it. It sounds like he's a decent guy x

Maybe he was put off that you haven't changed the sheets! Get them in the wash today, will make you feel better too 😄

Exactly this ^^ you have gone over the top with your message, got the hump and then self sabotaged - I’m sorry but I don’t think he has done anything wrong here and you have quite possibly wrecked what could have turned into something decent for you both

I suspect he thinks you’re telling him you love him. That’s what the heart emoji means to me.

I think he likely just didn’t know what to say in response. A thumbs up? A heart? ‘I’m glad the bed smells of me’? ‘I’m want a big cuddle too’? You both had fun and he messaged you to say so. I think maybe your message hinted towards a more meaningful relationship rather than a casual set up. Let things settle. He’s no idea what he wants at this point which is fair enough. Do you know what you want? You say you don’t want a relationship at the moment but your message and upset at the lack response suggests maybe on some level that you do. And that’s ok. But I think you need to step back from things and pause and let things unfold in their own time.

I think pp was right when she said FWB are harder work than actual relationships. Very few women I think have the personality for them. It’s hard emotional labour to keep yourself in the right place. You know how social workers and counselors and such like have to be empathetic enough to care for their clients but not so emotionally involved their clients’ problems emotionally affect them out of work? That’s the tight rope you need to walk.

it means he wants a bit of companionship, someone to go out with occasionally and sex. But he doesn’t want to have to meet any expectations, be held to account, or for you to get emotionally involved. It also means he can date and have sex with other women. You have no claim on him.

Married people’s ’dating’ sites ( ie affair sites) have plenty of divorced men looking for married women because they want the fun of sex and dates without any commitment. That’s the box your friend has you in.

It’s very clear from your post that you don’t have the personality or temperament for this. Some people can separate sex from emotion and others can’t. It’s clear you can’t. I think if you continue with this it will be a complete headfuck for you.

Fwb are a bad idea for a lot of women.

They may suit older women who are divorced with grown up children for whom a fwb is effectively a boyfriend where it's clear there'll be no moving in/marriage/ children.

It doesn't suit a lot women, though.

Repeatedly having sex with and doing relationship type activity like going for meals etc without actually being in a relationship can really mess with their heads.

The man here had a shag and probably had no great desire to be all romantic and cuddly about it all.

Oxytocin is released in women during sex but not men.

So I don't blame the OP for being a bit neurotic about this.

This is not an attack on casual sex as these are pretty clear cut situations.

He’s no idea what he wants at this point

He knows exactly what he wants and he told OP so, clearly and honestly becore they had sex. She should believe him. And understand what that means for her.

They may suit older women who are divorced with grown up children for whom a fwb is effectively a boyfriend where it's clear there'll be no moving in/marriage/ children

That’s not a FWB though, that’s a boyfriend/ life partner. It’s not the living together/ children that make it a relationship as opposed to FWB, it’s the commitment and depth of emotionally involvement. People who are in relationships but choose to live apart can and do still have exclusive, fully committed and fully emotionally connected relationships. FWB does not have any of that.

Yeah men usually know very early on if they're attracted on an emotional/romantic level.
Because that's what actually separates a fwb from a relationship: emotional/romantic attraction.

Saying it's about commitment is just a coping mechanism.

Most people have no idea what will happen in an actual relationship: it's about seeing where things lead.

The difference is that the emotional/romantic bits are present in a relationship that are not in a fwb.

That's just harsh reality.

Your final message to him contradicts occasional date and sex once in a blue moon. You’re crossing over to relationship that he’s explicably said he doesn’t want.

Bless you, you sound like you have a bit of an anxious attachment style.

Cancelling plans because he didn’t give you what you wanted is protest behaviour, that’s definitely a sign you are invested in the relationship.

I think you should focus on what you want and getting your own needs met as I don’t think a FWB situation will fulfil you.

I also wonder if someone you know from your people facing job (not sure what this means but reading between the lines do you work somewhere and he’s a regular customer?) and whose family you know is the right choice for a FBW situation?

I’ve never had a FWB but assumed it’s maybe someone you meet on a dating site or at a club or something but not someone who is part of your actual life? I think that might be muddying the waters a bit, too.

I think in your shoes I’d use this experience to reflect on what I really want and maybe consider dating properly?