Being offended by being left on read after sex

You've got your timelines wrong. He was already helping her out with DIY and being a friend. THEN they went to dinner and he said he was not looking for a relationship and OP said she didn't either. Then they had sex.

He seems to have been very open that he just wants someone he is friendly with to have sex with. But not a relationship.

Unless OP wants this set up too, this is a bad deal for her as she is the one who will end up getting hurt.

"worth" what in the Andrew Tate/1950'S bullshit is this. Have you just stepped out of a time machine? Plenty of women are very happy having no strings sex. You need to to do some reading, we aren't all you.

Your message was too full on.
Do not indicate to a FWB that you want more, it likely won't be reciprocated and you will feel a bit daft.
Don't worry now. Play it cool, keep busy and reconsider if you can have FWB or not.
It's not for everyone, I say this with kindness as I could never do it - I always got feelings in the past.

To be fair, the word 'worth' does not apply to someone's worth as a human being in the so - called context of the manosphere.

It just applies to worth as regards sexual interdynamics. Or rather which one of the two people is the winner or loser.

I don't doubt that there are indeed women enjoying fwb arrangements. There is, however, a lot of women who get emotionally attached to men who frankly are just using them for sex.

And it is usually the woman who gets attached.

In this instance the man is the winner here in that he gets sex with no outlay, no effort, no commitments whatsoever and usually no expectation to be monogamous.

The woman in this situation is undoubtedly the losing party.

This is undeniable, however, it has nothing to do with her worth as a person. I want to be clear about that.

Slow your roll.

It's sex with no strings. He's been very clear he doesn't want a relationship and your after text sounds like you were in your feels and you really do want a relationship with him.

Of course and that’s why you need to know what you’re getting into with FWB. It can work for some people but if you start to catch the “feels” for someone that’s the time either to pull back or say that you’re not interested and stop it.

In fairness to the guy, he’s been pretty clear about what he wants. It’s OP who has moved the goalposts.

i think perhaps your last message was a bit "relationshippy" and it perhaps made him back off?

I think a conversation has to end somewhere and he could probably have wrapped it up more nicely. I do think it sounds like you are lying yourself about just sex once in a while being ok. I don’t think he has done anything massively wrong but I also think you should keep things platonic with him (as in don’t have sex with him again as I think you seem to want more emotional connection than that).

Isn’t it also a win/win for the woman because she gets to have sex without any of the downsides of a relationship?

And it’s the 21st century - surely people go on dates, rather than men “taking” women on them like an accessory.

Sounds like he’s in his cave because he likes you but is also totally freaked out by the thought of being in another relationship.

Well it can be of course and often is but I think to be honest it's probably the woman who gets attached to the man in these scenarios.

It's usually the woman who gets the shitty end of the deal.
He's having a great time. Sex with zero obligations.

The equivalent would be a woman who can get a man to do relationshippy stuff with no intention of sleeping with him ever.

Not that she should of course but we all know of women who exploit in this way too.

I've done it when younger. Been on dates to nice restaurants with men paying that I had no attraction to. I'm not proud of it.

Neither sex are always nice, considerate people.

This

What is the problem?

"He messaged me straight after to say it was amazing (which it was, I told him that at the time)".

You may need to adjust your expectations. Can you handle a friends-with-benefits scenario @Lollipop7654 ?

I would imagine that in a FWB scenario, it would usually be the woman who ends up developing feelings and wants more - but am I correct??? Surely it must be the other way round sometimes, or am I wrong?

If you want a friends-with-benefits arrangement, I think you have to accept that the benefits do not generally include long romantic text exchanges. Perhaps it is a sign that this kind of arrangement is not right for you.

I had many FWBs before I settled down with my DH, but I never developed feelings for any of them. Sex was the only thing I was interested in.

Only if she is truly capable of that. Many aren’t.

Also - the Orgasm Gap is real.

If it's a casual thing, I found it's really awkward when the other person develops feelings and wants more and you can always tell. Here, it's pretty obvious OP wants more with this guy and got carried away and he's likely to pull back or just stop seeing her. It's not fair for her to change the goalposts but it's also not fair for him to take advantage of her feelings and keep seeing her when she's becoming emotionally invested so fast that she's offended he didn't do anything about her cloying text.

“I told him that the bed smells of him and put a little heart emoji and I said I wished I could have a big cuddle”

Why? That’s the cringiest thing ever.

You both agreed you didn’t want relationships so this was an embarrassing thing for you to send. He probably thought “oh poor thing is caught up in the heat of it still so not thinking what she is saying, I’ll do her the kindness of ignoring this message”.

Sorry but he’s not your boyfriend. If I had a fwb who was a man and sent that I’d find it a huge red flag as it’s pushing the boundaries of what we agreed on.

I had a guy do this to me before actually and I wish I’d shut him down right there. It’s you that needs to give your head a shake op, not him.

He wants sex as you agreed, not any kind of emotional entanglement.

So yes, YABU. However you are reacting exactly how female hormones naturally make us react, which is why men can do casual sex and we generally can’t.

Don’t sleep with him again, you’ll just get hurt.

He made it clear he didn't want a relationship. I said I don't either, which I don't, I'm happy with the occasional date and sex once in a blue moon

Read this back. It’s your own words. You know you’re being unreasonable or dishonest with yourself. But he’s done nothing wrong.

I think that it is usually the case. Not always of course.
The problem is with this sort of thing is that some will accuse you of sexism but I don't see what's wrong with saying things are more skewed one way than the other.

“oh poor thing is caught up in the heat of it still so not thinking what she is saying, I’ll do her the kindness of ignoring this message”

I really don't think men think like this!

I did read out the message to a male friend and asked him what he’d think if he received it. He pulled an “ouch” face - he’s just one bloke but I think you have your answer. Too intense and a little bit cringe for some people.

He didn't ignore you after sex, he gave you a hug, he messaged and said he had a good time. You should have left the messages there. He hasn't been rude at all.

You added quite a sentimental element with the bed smells of you / wish we could cuddle and a ❤️ emoji which could be interpreted as having 'feelings'. That's not what he signed up for and he probably is worried you want more / have suddenly got a bit needy.

He's been up front about what he can offer if you're not ok with that then end this now before you get hurt although he may have taken the decision out of your hands already.