If you had your chance to start again, would you still have had kids?

Yes, I love them and they have given me so much, they are young 20s now so I've experienced all their childhoods. They are definitely worth all the care and attention I've given them, and probably a great deal more. I had them in my late 30s and was getting bored of living life mainly for me. Would do it all over again very happily.

If a faceless comment from an anonymous, online forum would put you off having children, then you should probably just not have kids.

I'd still have children, but I'd have chosen their father more meticulously. Without him, I wouldn't have made the fabulous people I have today but my life would have been incalculably easier without him. Perhaps the kids and myself would have been happier. We'll never know.

But yes, I wanted children. I would still want children. But I'd want to have them in an easier life.

No.
and if I did, I wish someone would shake me and say DO NOT STOP WORKING.

It's really hard because I love my son more than anything, but he's neurodivergent and life is a daily challenge. I feel tired to my bones in a way I never did before I had children, but equally I can't imagine a world he doesn't exist in.

No

No.

I love my kids but the impact it’s had on my freedom, mental and physical health and my enjoyment of life has not been worth it tbh.

The extreme lack of sleep has meant I spent quitr a long time spending each day wishing I was dead so I could get some rest.

Right now i have 1 in school and 1 in nursery, I work 80% over 5 days and it’s relentless. Always something to do or worry about. Life is often now about surviving the day instead of enjoying it.

Yes absolutely! I have one DD, she and her little family are central to my life along with DH.

Being a parent and now DGP enhances my life.

If I could do it all again no I wouldn’t have had them with the father I had them with and I would have waited until I was in a decent career and had my shit together first. That’s the brutal truth in my circumstances. I would have enjoyed life before hand.

I don’t know. I would have not regretted it for 22 years. But having a child develop a serious health condition at 22 has given me a level of worry that I never knew possible. Life can change suddenly and it has made me wonder if this worry was worth it.

Yes and no!

I would go back and wait for a better man. One who's financially stable, has empathy, loved me unconditionally... the behaviour of the man I chose completely marred my motherhood experience.

Children are hard work and parenting is better with money (sad but true)

Now that my children are adults and both working and independent I would say yes.

If you had asked me 20 years ago when they were 6 and 3 and their dad left and I had to cope as a single parent I would say no. Those years were tough, constant fighting between them (2 boys) little money and working fulltime.

Now they are adults and great company. I did an amazing job.

I love my kids beyond words, but if I had to do it all over again and I knew I wouldn't get the same kids, I wouldn't. I can't enjoy life fully because I worry so much about my kids and the clusterfuck of a world they are going to be left with. I would be a much more relaxed person if I didn't have those anxieties hanging over me.

I did a straw poll of my friends a few years ago. The responses were
Yes
No
Fuck no
Only the first one and not the next two
Yes
Yes
No.

Really? You surely must have known that you'd get some people saying that, a quick Google would have told you some people regret having children.

Yes, absolutely. But it's different for everyone. And adoption is wonderful but it can also be incredibly hard.

I don't think you can really know how you will feel about being a parent until you actually become one. For some, it turns out to be the best thing they've ever done. Others deeply regret it. Others are somewhere in between. You can't know which camp you would fall into.

I can't say that I would definitely choose not to have children, because I did only have one child (by choice) and I wouldn't be without him now, but certainly becoming a parent impacted me as a person much more than I ever thought it would, and I had spent my entire life believing motherhood was the reason I was on this earth - the only thing I'd be good at.

I can confidently say that I could live a content, full life without a child. But that's something I have the benefit of figuring out when I've already got one and can weigh up the pros & cons.

It took me a good 3 years to not hate being a parent and there were many times I'd wished I had not done it. If I didn't have a child now, I would absolutely be making the most of that freedom and I think I'd die a happy, old (hopefully) lady with lots of other important people I'd "gathered" along the way.

A lot depends on the child. I love both mine equally and hugely but one, while I think they're amazing, doesn't give much back (but has taken plenty), and one has given me more back in love and joy than they could ever take. So while I could never regret either of them the personality and needs of the child is a big factor in how rewarding parenting is. In your shoes I would not adopt. Fostering can make a huge difference in a child's life and isn't such a commitment or stress.

For me it was 30 years ago and my children were 3 and 2. The childhood years were desperately, desperately hard. I will never forget the exhaustion of doing the parenting whilst chasing temporary teaching contracts so we could afford to live. They are fabulous adults but I absolutely cannot recommend being a single parent unless you have physical support and a HUGE financial cushion. I worried about money 24 hours a day. That was as exhausting as the day to day physical toll of parenting . I will never get over the joy of just being able to throw money at a problem that is my life now. If you can't do that Op don't consider it.

Yes without a doubt, there is no feeling compares to it and I live my children dearly, they are amazing. However it is tough at times, you don’t always know what you’re doing, it’s all consuming, it’s frustrating at times, you won’t get a Iie in or peace for maybe 6/7 years, a trip to the supermarket on your own feels like a holiday, now dealing with teenage hormones is another level of wtf again.

i couldn’t have done it as a single mum, so look at what support realistically you have around you- would there be grandparents etc to give you a little rest bite and help out?

I also couldn’t have done it in my 40’s as already feel knackered.

if you cherish your lifestyle, doing what you want when you want then don’t do it, as life is never the same again, at least not for 18 years. Get a dog to fill that hole.

I genuinely don't know.

Mine are all adults now and it's brilliant - I get to socialise with them and go out and do adult things. But when they were younger I struggled so badly - admittedly I was left as a single mum with five kids and no money or help. I was subsequently diagnosed with ADHD and I really had a terrible time parenting solo.

If I could guarantee that I would have help, that I could have my kids with a father who stepped up, if could have had an earlier diagnosis to make sense of my inability to self-regulate - if things could have been different, basically, I would gladly have kids again.

Going through what I went through, with the horrific stress of borrowing Peter to pay Paul just to keep the bailiffs from the door, not enough to eat and no help with feral children, then, no. I'm not sure I would wish that on my worst enemy.

The kids themselves were the least of it. So much is circumstantial.

Yes. I love being a parent. Our children are young adults now and we feel really proud that we have raised such lovely people. They have made us very happy and have made us better people.

Adoption is a very different road to go down though and often brings very different challenges. I think you should talk to other people who have adopted. Best of luck.

Yes I would

Aah yes in an instant! I only have one, age 9, but she is absolutely brilliant, seeing her grow up and learn things and start to figure out who she is and what she wants has been a privilege. Joy every day! Over things like a funny looking bean or a cat being cute. Certainly there are several years where you cannot do things in the same way as before, but you figure out how to do things in a new way.

Yes and I'd have had them sooner (I wasn't especially late, had both by the time I was 38, but I wish I'd done it sooner.).

No.

My kids are amazing, I'm VERY lucky to have them. However, the world we now live in is pretty fucked up.

Also, I was late 30s when I had my eldest and altho I felt fine then, ten years later I was trashed by an auto immune disease and perimenopause. In your 40s you're a bit on the older side (and with no back up parent) I think I wouldn't in your shoes.

Tbh I'd not advise any woman to have kids. It's exhausting and a lot of women become very emotionally vulnerable.