If you had your chance to start again, would you still have had kids?

Honestly, it's totally normal pre parenthood to frame having a baby as to what it would bring to ones own life, how its something you Will experience etc.

Then they're here and you realise it's what you do for them, it's a very sacrificial thing and it can be beautiful and wondrous. It can also be a time (especially n the early yrs) that you have little time to be tou, do what you want to do etc. Then there's the anxieties about things when they're here, I remember saying to my husband as we had ivf something like 'when we have a kid we will have nothing else to wish'. Then now here we are wishing he had a sibling, wishing he slept through, worrying about school, worrying about all sorts.

I'd have him again, if you're strong and can put a kiddo first, it's a privilege to raise a little one. I'd just say it isn't something that can scratch an itch or fulfil one in the way we understand that pre parenthood.

Absolutely not. I hate being a mum.

Ah really tough one. I am a totally lone parent and it is hard, it is a lot more restrictive than if you have kids with a good partner. I do have my own parents around so that really helps. But there is a lot to consider - I love my child more than anything and I can't imagine not having them but at the same time it is relentless and there is a lot I miss about my old life. How much are you prepared for things to change/ to give up? Do you have support?

OP, if one strongly worded negative is enough to put you off the idea of having a child, maybe you’re not ready for the reality.

For me, an early divorce meant bringing 3 children up in very difficult circumstances with very little money, and at times it was incredibly hard; but in many ways it could also be - and still is - absolutely brilliant, and I can’t imagine life without them.

100% yes. I only wish I could have had more - I met my partner late in life, and had my DD in my 40s. I feel very lucky to have her. Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

This 👆

Probably, but perhaps not 5, although my twin daughters are the youngest.

I had children at a time (1990s) when you would routinely get made redundant for going on maternity leave. I lost count of the times I was discriminated against in the workplace. It ruined my career for decades and I then had caring duties for aging parents.
I think the world has changed and I'm pleased to see that Gen z/ millennials are tougher around working and maternity rights.
If I knew I had to go through so many toxic situations I wouldn't have had children. I love my two dearly but it's been hard as an older mother.
I'd also make sure I had more money saved. I became ill and couldn't work at a high level. It changed our family dynamic.

Yes, I absolutely would. It’s hard work, but I cannot imagine my life without them.

Yes, definitely. I'd have more. Still might, actually. I have no money and no time and I worry about them all the time, but what a joy and privilege to have them. Holidays and meals out would have been very thin comfort to me if I couldn't have had kids.

Single parenting would be different, but I always wanted kids so I'd prob have done that if it's the way life worked out for me.

Yes 100%. It's not always easy but my sons have given me opportunities more than they realise to make good friends, they have also been my reason to keep going in tough times. They are both great people and I love their company.

Yes, definitely and I would have started sooner and had more. I don’t think how I feel is at all relevant to your life and your decisions around parenthood though.

No. One of my kids i actually wouldn't put him through it again

Be very aware with adoption often the children have a very very high level of need.

And the issues and challenges that come along with adoption will make it even harder.

if you decide to go this route, make sure you go with an agency that has excellent preparation training and a robust support package.
in my experience that will rule out your local council so go with a private agency.

Absolutely. My kids are one of the best things about my life.

OP why not have a look at the Mumsnetters Without Children forum. It’s for women without children for any reason and you may get a new perspective on life without children.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/childfree-mumsnetters

I do think adoption is v different to having bio kids however. 3 friends have adopted. Its wonderful in its own way but brings different challenges to bio kids. Its worth hanging out on the adoption boards.

I

Yes I absolutely would. But I wouldn’t do it alone. I always remember saying when I was young if I hadn’t met DH I’d have gone it alone, I realise now how naive I was. To the challenge of it all, but also what the child loses in that situatuon. Different for adoption though I think, you’d be giving a child that already exists a home. I think it would be very hard though. Harder than having a baby.

We looked into adoption but soon realised it was not for us. Very sad, but children who need adopting have many challenges in their lives and I knew I wasn't mentally strong enough to deal with them.

From a purely selfish viewpoint absolutely I would do it again and again and again. I utterly adore my children and grandchildren. I have been unbelievably lucky with them and get so much back from them. Only reason I would think twice now are fears for the future of the planet and therefore the future my descendants will be facing. That keeps me awake sometimes, the thought of bad things happening to them.

Personally I would yes. However I would not do it if I knew it meant doing it alone and starting at 40 honestly.

If I could have foreseen where we are now I would say absolutely not

Yes but I would not have made some of the choices I made with regard to being a SAHM.

Yes, absolutely 💯. I only have one and have raised her entirely as a single parent - her father chose not to be involved and hasn’t seen her or paid maintenance. Zero family support. My career was established before I had her. However - there are many things I would change if I did it again.