If you had your chance to start again, would you still have had kids?

It is hard and relentless, yes. But its always better than parenting with a shit partner.

100% yes, but I have a very supportive husband, both sets of grandparents close by and a great friendship group. I just wish we bought a house 5 years earlier!

100% they are the most amazing humans and I love being their mother. Would do it with dh too no change there.

Not saying it's not hard at times but its also a great joy and to me the joys have been better than the lows.

Yes. But having my own kids and adopting are two different circumstances. I would not have adopted.
Two of my cousins were adopted as newborns. They were great kids and had loving parents. Another friend was adopted and though he loves his parents he decided against having biological children himself (or adopting) due to his health conditions and not knowing his genetic background. But I also know more recent adoptive situations, all adopted from abroad. It has been difficult- at least two have mental health issues.

Yes I would. My girls are great and now they’re older we are close friends. I’d be lost without them. When kids are little it is hard work raising them,but when they grow up it’s rewarding.

Yes but I always wanted them. Now they sre young adults/teens they are hard work and expensive but excellent people.
Adoption is another level, most adopted children in the UK in recent years have some level of additional needs through trauma/neglect/substance abuse in utero on top of the initial attachment taking longer can be hard. On your own it will be even harder.
I have huge respect for people that adopt.
Would you consider fostering? I have friends who do respite fostering and have wonderful long term relationships with some fabulous children without the daily pressure.

Yes, 100%, I love my children, and I've adored being a mum to them. But I had mine in my early twenties when I was young and overflowing with energy, and now coming into my forties they're independent teenagers.

If I was childfree going into my forties for some reason, but somehow knew what it was like to parent, I'd probably remain that way and make the most of the freedom, as I know I don't have the same energy I did then! I wouldn't have the energy to be as much of a patient, hands-on, fun mum as I was at twenty, and I love that my kids had that.

I've raised them to be adults I genuinely enjoy spending time with
I hate this silent smugness that well turned out adults owe it all to their parents. Quietly insinuating that anyone who has an unproductive offspring is responsible due to poor parenting. Just a heads up, not always the case.

Anyho, would I do it again? No. Do I regret it? No. It’s much easier now they are older but throw in a life changing medical condition or some serious SEN and suddenly it’s not all rainbows and butterflies every day.

Yes but I wouldn't if it was as a single parent in my 40s. Having small children has made me realise how much I crave time to myself and with DH I do at least get a bit as well as all the other support needed.

Yes! The only part of me that wouldn’t is the part that worries about the world they’re living in as it isn’t good enough for them and part of me feels guilt for bringing them into this world.

It’s quite scary how much I love my children. People say there is no love like it and they’re right. Having them has been the best thing we’ve done by far. They have brought us so much happiness and genuine fulfilment that we’ve never found elsewhere.

Honestly though, I wouldn’t have wanted to do it alone.

With adoption, just go into it with your eyes open. I’ve seen a few sad tales. You have to make sure that you’re ready to raise a child who might have deep-rooted issues, and be prepared for them to decide that you are not their family and cut ties completely as an adult. Yes, I have seen this. I was so amazed that I Googled it and apparently it’s a thing. I found many people who said they did not feel at home in their adopted family and that they were too different from them. None of this is to say that you should not adopt, but just be aware of the pitfalls.

Maybe you could be a foster mum?

I have 3 amazing children. I would do it again ina heartbeat. With a different man. I did not pick a good husband.

Over and over and over again. I miss my old life, the freedom, the money - sometimes desperately.

But having children has been the privilege of my life. I have been so lucky.

Yes if I knew 100% it would be my daughter again, no if it was any other children.

I’ve never wanted to be a parent and it’s not something I feel strongly about.

If it's an 'in hindsight' post then no, but that would need to include never entertaining my ex husband at any level and not marrying. I have come to the conclusion that I should have just travelled and travelled some more....I would have had a happier life and been far more true to myself. As it is, I succumbed to social pressures and thought I was missing out not having a significant other. So I found one. And then it all went wrong!

I think that's a bit unfair. I don't think it's smugness, just happiness.
Of course it's not all down to the parents – there are lots of factors at play – but the parents do have a big influence on how a child turns out, and it's really gratifying to see them become amazing people you love spending time with, and who love spending time with you.

I honestly don't know. Two children with SEN. I love them so much but it's really hard and has massively affected mine and my DH's mental health.

If I knew for sure they could be happy and independent adults I'd probably say yes, but I know my DH would say no.

Yes. I have 3, all grown, if my body and circumstances had allowed, I would have had more.

Absolutely and I would have had 4 kids instead of 3! I wish I'd met and married my husband in our twenties! Maybe we would have had 5!

I wouldn't have done it without him though. I didn't even particularly want kids before we got together.

Not sure tbh. I’m a sahm and my youngest child is 17. I work part time. I’ve given up myself for my dc and I’m not sure it’s healthy for any of us. The thing is you don’t decide every day how you are going to parent, you just do it, I had a cold childhood, and I think I overcompensated. Dh sweet but useless. On balance I don’t think I’d do it again.

Yes. Without any doubt.
I'm on my own with her, I have been since before she was born. There's only ever been me for every single thing. No help from family on either side. And life is hard and I do struggle at times and there have been moments when I felt like I'd ruined both our lives.
However! She's my favourite thing in the world and I couldn't imagine being without her. I'd do it all again.

It’s this. Studies have been done on the minority of parents who regret having kids and nearly all of them are raising them in very challenging circumstances, little or no support/ no or rubbish partner/ children with severe needs.

So I guess the question for you OP is not how have others found it, but to look at yourself and your support.

Are you a resilient person? Do you have high energy levels? Are you a determined ‘cope-er who just gets on with things? Do you have endurance? Do you do well with lack of sleep? Do you have a supportive family close by? Is you job flexible and your workplace a supportive one?

You really need to look at who you are and what internal and external resources you have, and then decide if this is for you.

Most people don’t regret having children but a minority do ( about one in twenty, I think from memory) and you have to decide if your personality and life circumstances means you may be one of these.

My only is about to go to university and yes I would have him again, but your life is so very different after children.

Maybe go on the adoption board, I have 3 friends with adopted children.

One worked brilliantly, one is a huge challenge and one is going through a failed adoption process. As a lone parent I would think very hard.

That's a really tough one in your situation. I'm reality, you will lose the things you like doing right now - the freedom to do what you like, go to nice places, have time to yourself. You don't realise how much you value that until you have kids and you can't really do any of that. Do you have a support network or family or friends who would willingly help out, give you a break or have the kids overnight? If so, that's an absolutely different story.

I loved the experience of giving birth, having my children and raising them. I would absolutely do it all again. However it's been the fucking hardest thing I've ever done, and I often wish I'd never had them when the day in day out is such a slog. I miss doing all those things and I miss my freedom.

But I also now feel like I have meaning in my life. I feel like I would be empty without a family of my own. That's not to say you can't have a great and meaningful life without children, it's just how I feel now that I've had them. I guess you don't really fully know until you know!

I would have a really good think about what you want in life and make peace with the fact life will change massively with kids. Yes, you can still do all the things - but in reality, you can't / it's too hard / you have to centre everything around them otherwise it's just not worth it.

If you're yearning for a child I think you'd regret not going for it tbh though. The not knowing, and potential loneliness in later life without your own children would probably be worse than having them and it not being how you imagined.

Yes I would, but it’s such a personal decision that I’m not sure anyone else’s experience can determine what the best course for you is.