If you had your chance to start again, would you still have had kids?

It's very much the implication of "I don't know who they're trying to convince". Do you say that about people you believe?

Well there is an element of luck involved but most people will have some control over this. I'm happy that people are happy with their decisions. We are all different though and I think most people would agree that's what right for them might not be right for others.

Overall though, life is tough. There's this weird perception that child free women live carefree lives of riches and that's not necessarily the case.

I think there an assumption the time and money kids take up would end up somewhere noticeable.

I think we'd have eaten out more bought a house later so more expensive and it would have been smaller but more expensive spent bit more of food and clothes and wondered how anyone afforded kids.

I'm not surprised the been one poster insisting people who loved having kids are lying - seen that a lot before. Parental happiness levels are lower when kids are young and most demanding - it depends on country research is done as well a lot done in USA with a very low rate of parental happiness - but I did see reasearch suggesting overall parents are happier than none parents across a entire lifetime - generally they get really happy and stay it when adult kids leave home and are fully independent which is in our socitey is happening later and later - but that will be a trend not every parental situation.

It really does depend on so much out of parents control - levels of resources and luck basically and it's not for everyone.

I would definitely do it again, but not as a single woman in my forties.

Adopting can be wonderful for you and the child, but sadly adopted children often have significant attachment and behavioural issues, understandably. Don’t underestimate how hard this could be.

And I hope nobody suggests pregnancy with donor eggs - it’s highly unethical and awful for the young woman who undergoes egg retrieval.

I also took that to be an accusation of lying.

Yes, but I wish it was with someone else.

Yes. But my DC have been healthy and easy and my DH has pulled his weight. I couldn’t have done it alone. They’re now 23 and 21. The best part though, has been seeing them grow and interact and have experiences together. As a pair.

I only had one, and it absolutely broke me for about three years; I had a physically, but not mentally healthy pregnancy, a straightforward but traumatising birth, and two years of horrendous PND. Was it worth it? Yes, my DS is an absolute joy and delight. Would I do it again? For him, yes, however I wish I’d known then what I know now so I could advocate for myself better. I’m one of those women who has a very difficult relationship with progesterone as it makes me go mental. I stayed one and done.

When posters say they love their children so so much that it outweighs the hardship and burden of being a mother, it makes me think about something I read recently.

It was a feminist blog. It is along the lines of how the 'patriarcy' have instilled in the minds of women and girls that giving up their very selves, desires, ambitions, potential for personal growth and free time to devote to children for decades is how you mark yourself out as a 'good' woman and mother.

Personally, I love my children as much as the next woman, but it has been so incredibly difficult that I would not do it again. The loss of personal freedom is the worst thing about it for me.

I would, though. And I'd do it sooner.

The love does outweigh the hardship etc, for me anyway. I'm definitely not the patriarchy's idea of a "good woman" and all that, not that I care. This isn't about me bigging myself up as some paragon of female martyrdom. I just love them so much, they are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I've been very lucky with things like health and my husband, which undoubtedly makes a massive difference. But it's nothing to do with my ego or womanly self image. They're the best things ever and I love them beyond words and I would absolutely do it again. That's all.

I was really surprised by how much I didn't/ don't enjoy motherhood. I always wanted to be a mum, organzied all my decision making around this and making sure it happened on time, and assumed it would be hard but incredibly fulfilling and meaningful/ magical. All my friends who had kids before me talked about how wonderful it was. I didn't really hear any other narrative, and certainly never heard anyone talking about how they regretted it/ wouldn't have done it if they had had their time over etc. I have three ND kids (very mild, always in mainstream but lots of challenges along the way) and honestly it has really wrecked my mental health being a mum and my ability to enjoy life/ find fulfillment and meaning. I love them dearly, but joyful and fulfilling? Nope. there are some moments of sweetness and pride, but they are pretty few and far between and a lot of it is pain and drudgery. I never really talk about this in real life, but I wish someone had given me this perspective before I had them. I know this is not the case for most people, but I wanted to be honest.

Absolutely, but we only had the one when I was 36 after being married for 14 years. He was a dream baby so we decided to leave it at that, which is a decision we've never regretted. He's in his 30s now. It did change our lives but in a very positive way.

Yes, I'm pregnant with number 3 at present. They are the absolute best thing in life I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. Might start earlier so I could have 4!

Thank you for sharing your perspective. It’s helpful for people like me - I was unable to have children for fertility reasons - to know that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.

@Chefpig "As a single person with no ties, I enjoy lots of holidays, meals out and doing what I want, when I want"

You can kiss goodbye to all of that with a child.

No, never would I do it again.

Yes, but just the one, after earning loads and never ever ever getting married.

If you'd told me in advance the challenges I was going to go through, I wouldn't.

I would have thought there's no way I could cope with that (ND dc, xh leaving, illness, no support, lots more difficulties).

But I did cope and I'm a stronger and overall better person for having done so.

On the other hand, I could have grown just as much as a person via other experiences if I hadn't had dc. In many ways I might have had a much nicer 17 years. But I can't imagine my dc not existing, so I can't possibly say I regret them.

I love it and would definitely do it again, although I'm not sure if I'd feel the same if I had them latter. I had an unplanned pregnancy at 21, I'd just finished education and was in the process of leaving home when I found out. I adjusted really well and absolutely loved it, never felt I missed out on anything, didn't feel overly tired, had tons of patience, didn't feel I lost my identity. I have 1 friend who had children at a similar age and she had the same experience. However, my friends who had them in their 30s really struggled with loss of freedom, loosing themselves and adjusting their lives to fit around a child and being exhausted with the sleepless nights. I don't think any of them regret being parents, but not many would say it out loud even if they did.

No I wouldn't. I adore my boys but fuck me, the future looks bleak on so many levels. I can't stop dwelling on it. I hope all the predictions are wrong.

I wouldn’t have had them, they are special needs and will never live independently, no finishing at 18. They are a lifelong worry and commitment, with no grandchildren either. Parenthood is a slog, especially with services being cut.

I couldn’t possibly understand how all consuming it would be and I’d certainly think twice but ultimately I think yes

my dh would say no though, not because he found it tough but because of how worried he’s become about the state of the world and how unfair it is to bring more kids into it (in his opinion)

I’m childfree by choice and I would definitely make the same decision again. Zero doubt. Zero hesitation.

Yes and I’d stick with one! Best of both worlds

Yes 100%. Holidays are great with or without kids just different .
But I have not been a single parent so it might be different.

I’m sad to hear people saying no.

I don’t think the future is as bleak as everyone makes out - we are at peak human numbers. Populations are declining everywhere based on birthrate already. No need to engineer it.