If you had your chance to start again, would you still have had kids?

I'd of had them later on in my 30s . I have 8 ranging from 28 to 6 . Don't get me wrong I'm blesses but I've spent my entire life raising children . If I could do it again I'd like to see how the other half live for a little while anyway 🤣🤣🤣. I suppose we all miss and fantasize about what we haven't had,I guess that's life

Yes but earlier. I had my last when I was 34, which isn't particularly old but I feel like the whole of my thirties, forties and fifties were mainly taken up with child rearing. Their dad was absolutely useless which probably the main reason I was exhausted and overwhelmed for many years.

I think this is a wise post.

For me having children was the second best thing I ever did. It was hard work but very fulfilling and included lots of fun. I would definitely do it again, although preferably with a different partner.

I always wanted children though, so having them was fulfilling a long-felt need.

Adopting does add a whole extra layer of difficulty. Children up for adopting have already been abused or neglected, and that does tend to make parenting much harder. Especially on your own.

You could read up on experiences of adoptive parents, if you haven’t already.

MN has definitely become more anti-child over the years.

This thread is nothing new and some of the answers are nothing new, but I do think a contributing factor to this site changing is that it is a big target for bot farms and for those who know how they work, certain answers are not surprising.

Back to the overall OP, adopting in the UK is very, very different to having a biological child, it really is a tough journey and one you need to think very hard about.

Overall though, life is tough. There's this weird perception that child free women live carefree lives of riches and that's not necessarily the case.

I would absolutely have my children again in a heartbeat. The most shocking thing about parenthood, IMO, is how fast it goes. However, I was fortunate to have a partner who is a decent human being, so I am able to maintain/career/hobbies and it is very important to me that I role model that to my daughters, because I want them to have the same.

Too many women, whether they are mothers or childfree spend their lives living for other people: parents/partners/children/family/work colleagues. You have to look after your own happiness in life and not depend on others to do it for you.

Finally, if you are living in a state of permanent anxiety, please seek medical help as this isn't normal.

Yes. My children are hugely life enhancing. I love the time we spend together, I find great joy and reward in raising them. They're my favourite people, so fun to be around. Motherhood is fulfilling to me in a way I didn't anticipate. I become my best self through my relationship with them. I can access magic and whimsy and imagination that was lost to me in my adult life before I had them. They link me back to my own childhood self in a way which has been healing.

Of course my husband and I sometimes joke about how one day they'll have their own lives and we'll get to spontaneously go to the cinema or have dinner out. But we wouldn't exchange having the children for the sake of being able to do things now. The children are worth it a thousand times over.

curious to know what the best thing was! (if you don't mind me asking!)

100% Said as an older single parent to three and despite coparenting difficulties with their father. Yes it's hard but the rewards so outweigh that.

There are some very interesting responses on here.

The ones from the people who make a big thing about how they UTTERLY ADORE their children and how their children are their whole life are a bit try hard.

I don't know who they're trying to convince.

No
I wouldn’t

I find the worrying far too stressful ( so much I can’t eat and feel sick ) and my kids are all in their 20s now

My career that I’d wanted since the age of 14 took an absolute nose dive

but for me it’s over 20years of stress
that is just too much

If I had my life back I wouldn’t have had children irrespective of the love we have for each other

ps
We don’t fall into that category upthread of not having support etc
We are both Architects, good salaries ( not me of course I took the hit ) and have no financial or mental health issues

Haha, was this directed at me?

Sorry to disappoint, but it's true! I know it's not true for everyone, and I also don't think you're a bad parent if you don't find parenting particularly fulfilling or joyful. I believe you can still provide the required love, care and support to your children even if it turns out parenting isn't actually what you want to be doing with your life. But I don't think you should assume it's beyond the realms of possibility that some of us just absolutely fucking love it, because I do <3

In my 40s absolutely not. I’m 55 and I’m so done with being a parent. They all moved out at 18 facilitated by me. Eldest is now back for at least a year.

Yes! Mine are only young and pregnant with a third so very much in the thick of parenting very young ones. I'd do it all again in a heart beat. They are amazing. Obviously your circumstances are completely different and unique so it's hard to go by others peoples experiences

It's a bit sad if a parent doesn't utterly adore their child I think??? Doesn't mean they don't find parenthood hard

And there have been some posts patting themselves on the back for their decision to start having children younger or older. It's a matter of pure luck if it happens for you when you want it to!

The OP's question wasn't "How much do you utterly adore your kids"? though was it? It was "would you still have kids if you could go back?"

I agree we can take it as read that most parents do adore their kids so the rather overblown declarations of adoration weren't really necessary.

Its a bit of an odd opinion to think that people would lie about adoring their children and would do it again in a heartbeat. What brings you to that idea? Many of us in here have had to go down the fertility treatment route and waited a long time for our much loved and wanted children.

Having kids is by far the most wonderful part of my life and I thank my lucky stars every single day.

No

I worry about the future that lies in store for the next generation. Given the knowledge I have now, I would not have had children.

Thank you so much, that means a lot to me ♥️

Definitely. But, I'd do it with a different man. Or, on my own. Best of luck 💐

Sure. That was becoming a Christian.

How much support would you have?

I don't regret my children, I absolutely adore them but it's been a hard journey so far as both have SEN. They are both doing really well at the minute so we are happy and grateful, however, if you had asked me this 8 years ago I may have had a different answer.

I am in my 40s and my youngest is 10, I have a husband but other than that, no support. I worry about what would happen to the kids if something happened to us.

I hope my children can be fully independent adults but I couldn't bet on it. I worry about the world as it is. It is a huge responsibility.

If I were this age and single, there is no way I would sign up for this.

No

If I could be sure of having my daughter again, then yes I would do it. There have been many lows but they are definitely outweighed by the highs, she brings me a lot of joy and I love seeing her grow.

Saying that, while I love being her mum I don't always love being a parent. I don't think I prepared myself for how relentless the early years can be, and while she is worth it, some days I find it really hard. I miss being able to get up when I want in the morning, and the freedom to do what I want, when I want to do it. Holidays are not relaxing at the moment, and juggling work alongside childcare is also hard even with a supportive and involved partner. We try to take turns for lie ins and facilitate each other having time away, which does help.

If I had known what I know now about parenting before I had children, then I might have made a different choice. I couldn't wish my little girl away though, it's cheesy but she is the light of my life.

For me, it's adoring my children that has made parenthood hard. The sleepless nights, the endless school runs, having to go straight home from work when you'd rather go out for drinks with mates, the boring playgrounds - that all passes. But adoring your children brings stress and worry, and that never ends.

I didn't say they were lying. Where did you get THAT nonsense from?